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  • Wide-Open
    Director of European Evangelical Outreach
    A Shining Example of Christ's Love
    Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2007
    • 18449
    #1

    He finally told me: Glory!

    Friends, I have some extremely good news.

    I have been a widower for two years now, living far away from my friends in Freehold, and I have been lonely. Not completely lonely - that's not possible with Jesus - but I also haven't had a good meal in 2 years. I know It was just God testing me and my faith.

    Last night however, He came in my dream. It was a very vivid image, and I could hear Him say: "Wide-Open, you have a long upstanding member of your congregation, and I want you to find you a True Christian™ - amazing how He even showed me the ™ bit - companion. It's time!"

    Yay!!!!

    Everyone here knows how kind and loving I am, and my medication seems to have reduced the number of anger attacks considerably. My BMI (I don't know what it is, some doctor told me last time in hospital) is a decent 33, most of my bodily functions still work, and I can play the faggott and entertain you for hours with it, blowing "My love for Christ has no bounds".

    I also have a nuclear shelter at my disposal, complete with prayer booth, which we can use whenever we see a mooslim in our neighborhood. Your life is secure with me. (until the Lord decides differently)

    Now please, serious candidates only . No harlots, tramps, pagans, wiccas or other females. I will moderate this thread very strictly and have put a flood control on it.

    This may be your chance to marry a decent True Christian Pastor.

    Yours in Christ,

    Wide-Open
    Psalm 81:10:
    I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
    open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
    Tags: None
    • Wide-Open
      Director of European Evangelical Outreach
      A Shining Example of Christ's Love
      Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
      True Christian™
      • Nov 2007
      • 18449
      #2
      Re: He finally told me: Glory!

      OK, I'm closing this thread now, as I had to delete too many indecent proposals. You know who you are.
      Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 06-24-2009, 01:38 PM.
      Psalm 81:10:
      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

        Comment

        • SUV
          True Christian™ Princess
          The Driving Force behind RA12
          Have at it, anytime!
          • Sep 2006
          • 11027
          #3
          Re: He finally told me: Glory!

          Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
          OK, I'm closing this thread now, as I had to delete too many indecent proposals. You know who you are.

            Comment

            • Wide-Open
              Director of European Evangelical Outreach
              A Shining Example of Christ's Love
              Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
              True Christian™
              • Nov 2007
              • 18449
              #4
              Re: He finally told me: Glory!

              Originally posted by SUV View Post
              Sister, although the KJV doesn't really elaborate on the concept of "too little, too late", may I remind you that you have already given your heart to menfolk called SD, or possibly DBEG ?

              Besides, I still have to answer 83 PM's. It's true! Madhouse!

              PS: PM me. I know a lady that needs an Easter Ham when I see one.

              Psalm 81:10:
              I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
              open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                Comment

                • SUV
                  True Christian™ Princess
                  The Driving Force behind RA12
                  Have at it, anytime!
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 11027
                  #5
                  Re: He finally told me: Glory!

                  Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                  PS: PM me. I know a lady that needs an Easter Ham when I see one.
                  Now Brother WO, I would not presume to read something that was 'whited out,' but may I reiterate:

                    Comment

                    • Wide-Open
                      Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                      A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                      Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                      True Christian™
                      • Nov 2007
                      • 18449
                      #6
                      Re: He finally told me: Glory!

                      Originally posted by SUV View Post
                      Now Brother WO, I would not presume to read something that was 'whited out,' but may I reiterate:
                      OK, after all the other proposals that were made, I have to say Sister SUV is in the lead, and has been most convincing.

                      Genesis 34:9
                      And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.

                      We still need to clear up a few misunderstandings, but we are getting there, with the guidance of our Lord PRAISE!.

                      PS: Sister, this Dame Fortuna thing, I can't find it in my KJV. What's that all about?
                      Psalm 81:10:
                      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                        Comment

                        • Ezekiel Bathfire
                          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                          Christ's Rottweiler
                           
                          • Jan 2008
                          • 22879
                          #7
                          Re: He finally told me: Glory!

                          Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                          [...] and I can play the faggott and entertain you for hours with it, blowing "My love for Christ has no bounds".

                          Yours in Christ,

                          Wide-Open
                          That bit about "faggott"... it might have put some people off... or attracted the wrong sort...
                          sigpic


                          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                          Author of such illuminating essays as,
                          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                            Comment

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