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  • Ixi
    Wretched Unsaved Goth
    Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
    • Sep 2006
    • 844

    #271
    Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

    Originally posted by hellion View Post
    So there's no sex in heaven then? Screw that, I'd rather go to Hell.
    Yeeah Hellion! *high fives hellion*
    A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

    Comment

    • Ixi
      Wretched Unsaved Goth
      Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
      • Sep 2006
      • 844

      #272
      Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

      Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
      Excellent point Brother Fish,

      Anyone can tell which of THESE two is Hellbound!
      And that poor puppy sure looks scared of going to heaven!
      A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

      Comment

      • Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
        Scientific Advisor
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 2373

        #273
        Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

        Originally posted by Ixi View Post
        Yeeah Hellion! *high fives hellion*
        You whore, the only sex you will have in Hell is with satan himself, and I assure you that it isn't a "pleasurable" experience. Satan's pleasure is thinking of ways to make your life miserable, and based on what I have seen of you and what your Department of Faith dossier states, he is just warming up to what he will do to you in Hell. Your misery will only get worse -- I suggest you turn your life over to Jesus before its too late! You are a walking corpse, and an unhappy one to boot (even if you don't know it yet!)
        Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

        Comment

        • Brother Temperance
          Senior Usher
          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
          A very nice young man
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15621

          #274
          Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

          Originally posted by Ixi View Post
          Yeeah Hellion! *high fives hellion*
          I thought you two both claimed to be virgins?
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

          Comment

          • see_the_light
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Nov 2006
            • 1386

            #275
            Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

            Originally posted by Alotta Woman View Post
            im 23 and looking for a guy who can be himself around me and doesn't have to put on an act. im a hard worker but i like to party to, dancing is my favorite hobby and of course shoppin!! basically….im a care free down to earth girl with a dash of seriousness.

            Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies....

            wait! YOUNG ROES???!!!! might as well say full grown buffaloes!

            But the LORD works in misterious ways, if those pseudo-scientific lies of Newton applied then with that mass you'd be really be "DOWN to earth"

            Your upright photo is proof enough of their error!

            Even if we KNOW THE TRUTH it can still be useful for sending to those atheistic so-called scientists. That will SHOW THEM!

            Comment

            • Enobarbus
              Professor of English Landover University
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 3496

              #276
              Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
              I thought you two both claimed to be virgins?
              You have taken the words right out of my mouth Brother. Although Hellion has admitted to self-pollution, which I'm sure comes as no surprise to anyone who has heard her foul rantings here.
              Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

              Comment

              • Enobarbus
                Professor of English Landover University
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2006
                • 3496

                #277
                Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                Originally posted by Ixi View Post
                Yeeah Hellion! *high fives hellion*
                In heaven you can have an orgasm whenever you like by clicking your fingers. In Hell there is sex, but no orgasms. Your partner will stink, be 80-years-old (looking, but be abnormally strong and rough) screw you savagely for 90 seconds, then hop off, sodomise you violently a couple of times; then, with the help of his demon friends, go back to smacking you around and tormenting you in other ways.
                Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

                Comment

                • Rachael Van Helsing
                  HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 5131

                  #278
                  Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                  Originally posted by Enobarbus View Post
                  In heaven you can have an orgasm whenever you like by clicking your fingers. In Hell there is sex, but no orgasms. Your partner will stink, be 80-years-old (looking, but be abnormally strong and rough) screw you savagely for 90 seconds, then hop off, sodomise you violently a couple of times; then, with the help of his demon friends, go back to smacking you around and tormenting you in other ways.
                  Nice, Eno, real nice. But your bible doesn't say that. And hey, let's pretend that was true. Could be worse! They could look like Dubya.
                  sigpic
                  Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                  Comment

                  • Talitha
                    Deaconess
                    Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                    True Christian™
                    • Dec 2025
                    • 15118

                    #279
                    Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                    Nice, Eno, real nice. But your bible doesn't say that. And hey, let's pretend that was true. Could be worse! They could look like Dubya.
                    The Pastor is close to Jesus© and knows these things far better than we ever could.
                    He is wiser than us in so many ways, so Missy, I suggest you start treating him with the respect he deserves.

                    Sister Talitha

                    Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                    HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                    being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



                    Comment

                    • see_the_light
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 1386

                      #280
                      Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                      Originally posted by Enobarbus View Post
                      In heaven you can have an orgasm whenever you like by clicking your fingers. In Hell there is sex, but no orgasms. Your partner will stink, be 80-years-old (looking, but be abnormally strong and rough) screw you savagely for 90 seconds, then hop off, sodomise you violently a couple of times; then, with the help of his demon friends, go back to smacking you around and tormenting you in other ways.
                      Excuse me pastor, but except for the revolting term "sodomise" that brings that acursed city to mind and might be better applied on the STRICT sense of homers lying with homers...

                      "deuteronomy 23:17 There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel"

                      Leviticus 18:22

                      "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination"

                      As men (even homers I assume) lack the particular entrance of women, THEN the interdict is on using homers as seems FIT to use a woman and. Therefore any pleasuring a woman can give his TRUE CHRISTIAN Husband should be little solace for the pains he endures trying to save, train her...Or Do I err?

                      Well and as for all the rest it seems fit for the education of a proper christian woman (of course the smacking must only be done by the husband, no demon friend allowed)

                      Checklist

                      1. A true christian woman must revel in presence of her pure TRUE CHRISTIAN husband (regardless of details of the flesh), his SAVED SOUL is all the beauty the woman needs.

                      stink, be 80-years-old... CHECK

                      2. A TRUE CHRISTION husband is blessed with the vigor of his faith. PRAISE THE LORD!

                      but be abnormally strong and rough) screw you savagely ... CHECK

                      3. A TRUE CHRISTION husband, knowing woman's weakness, shall not allow lust to tempt her, doing what he must even at the cost of sacrificing his desires. In such a case he saves the woman from falling into Satans hands and reminds her of her role as her husband's property and burden

                      90 seconds, then hop off, sodomise you violently a couple of times ... CHECK

                      3. A TRUE CHRISTION husband never rests, always ready to correct the (endless) mistakes that are woman's nature (I assume you joked on the demon, reminding in a parable that no-one could have vigour enough to sustain the correctings without supernatural help, in the case of a TRUE CHRISTIAN the sthrengh of JESUS OUR SAVIOUR!

                      then, with the help of his demon friends, go back to smacking you around and tormenting you in other ways ... CHECK

                      I must ask how you have reached such a nearness to our SAVIOUR that he inspires you to with the most sublime elegance.

                      You remind that woman that should she be saved (unlikely as it seems at this moment) the presence of GOD in heaven pales any orgasm.

                      Then you show what she should seek for salvation, a TRUE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND that corrects her and shows that sex is but a part of the neverending toil that his devotion to his wife entails. his own CROSS!

                      PRAISE THE LORD!

                      Comment

                      • Pastor Ezekiel
                        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                         
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 78553

                        #281
                        Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                        And while your point is well taken, your spelling insults Jesus deeply. What on earth is a "TRUE CHRISTION"?
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • see_the_light
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2006
                          • 1386

                          #282
                          Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          And while your point is well taken, your spelling insults Jesus deeply. What on earth is a "TRUE CHRISTION"?
                          A thousand "forgive me" couldn't excuse me.

                          I HAVE SINNED!

                          Through a neglectful copy/paste at hours where we are too weak to see.

                          I was touched by the beautiful message and let reckless enthusiasm lead me to grammar perdition.

                          You are too kind by even with such error mentioning the point as well taken.

                          I don't deserve it and my company is not fit for GOOD TRUE CHRISTIANS like you.

                          But you have shown over and over a patience befitting the most compassionate of TRUE CHRISTIANS.

                          Lead me a bit longer that through your support I might reach the LORD and say

                          "Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great."

                          Psalms 18:35

                          For LANDOVER BAPTISTS are truly HIS RIGHT HAND!

                          PRAY TO JESUS OUR SAVIOUR!

                          Comment

                          • Dameon_ACLUtard
                            Liberal Hate Monger
                            Forum Member
                            • Dec 2006
                            • 363

                            #283
                            Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                            The cat?
                            Now that, that don't kill me can only make me stronger.

                            Comment

                            • Brother Temperance
                              Senior Usher
                              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                              A very nice young man
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 15621

                              #284
                              Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                              Originally posted by Dameon_ACLUtard View Post
                              The cat?
                              How high are you?
                              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                              Comment

                              • I'm_Fabolous!
                                Unsaved trash
                                Under Investigation
                                • Jan 2007
                                • 7

                                #285
                                Re: looking for some goodtimes - 23

                                Originally posted by Alotta Woman View Post
                                im 23 and looking for a guy who can be himself around me and doesn't have to put on an act. im a hard worker but i like to party to, dancing is my favorite hobby and of course shoppin!! basically….im a care free down to earth girl with a dash of seriousness.
                                nice....

                                Comment

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