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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22839

    #1

    Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

    Look upon this as an introduction to a very important link:

    Unsaved,™ callow, young men come here looking to take the hand of a Godly woman in Holy Matrimony and thereby lie with her and produce many sons. And this is good.

    Likewise, eager, young, nubile ladies bountifully endowed in all the right areas arrive to seek advice in finding a beau and completing their task on earth of being a bearer of children and an obedient servant to that man – basically, a homemaker. And this too is good.

    However, from my long experience, I am often called upon to offer advice as to the sort of woman a man should accept and which he should reject.

    Likewise I often have to tell young women that, with their lack of bountiful attributes, they are better suited to living the life of a spinster, knitting socks for our troops, arranging flowers in church or providing a rescue home for cats.

    The Bible has enough to say on the subject of women and it lays out the Almighty’s rules for their behavior. But the finer nuances of required female conduct are often left to the woman’s husband! (Can you imagine how inconvenient this is, when a man has so many other important things to do?!!!)

    You ladies out there who are really desirous of becoming a good homemaker and thus a prospect for marriage, will wish to be doing the things that increase your becoming part of a husband’s household.

    To do this, you want to be able to give your man what he wants without his having to tell you.

    Before we embark on the main point of this introduction, let me lay out a few rules for the benefit of women and the approval of men:
    • A man should marry someone half his age plus 7 years. A comparatively over-ripe woman is a poor prospect for a man unless he is ill and in need of constant care.
    • A woman is old when her age exceeds her bust measurement.
    • A woman with troubles is to be avoided – a man with troubles is a good catch for a homely woman.
    And lest you think that we here at Landover put too much upon women, a Rule for men to follow:
    • A man should hold a plot of land no greater than his wife can till.
    • Over-educated women are vexatious and often have lesbian tendencies.
    Ladies, if you have arrived here, yet fail as above, prepare to gather stray cats and lead a rather futile life. Gentlemen (and Ladies, IF you qualify) continue.

    I therefore direct you to this site!

    Men will wish to make critical comparisons with the posters on the forums and their own wives; ladies will be delighted by some of the most down to earth, honest-to-goodness, Godly advice for women.

    Ladies, a warning! The site is so popular that I note that they are not taking new members at the moment but they have forums on such important subjects as

    Where to put your clothes line
    What's the difference between soaps?
    Wool diaper covers
    Romancing Your Husband

    And most important of all

    Prayer Requests, Bible Questions, Daily Devotions

    There you are ladies, always remember that in the good American language, in church, a man marries a woman, but a woman is married to a man.

    Anyway, enough of this, you now have a head start in the race to become the wife of a Godly man!

    I do sincerely hope that this has been of help. If it has, you may wish to show your appreciation by tithing (Paypal button below.)

    If there has been anything at all that you wish to ask or comment upon, do not hesitate to post here, someone will be along shortly to give you some kindly advice.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Nobar King
    Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
    Christ's Guardian
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2007
    • 23748

    #2
    Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

    Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
    [*]A woman is old when her age exceeds her bust measurement.
    You Europeens out there should understand that we're talking the King's Godly STANDARD UNITS here. This is not the land of metrics.
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

    Comment

    • Seeker
      Thank you Pastor Pistle!
      Forum Member
      • Aug 2007
      • 966

      #3
      Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

      People still use clothes lines?

      If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

      Comment

      • Old Iron Crotch
        SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
        • May 2007
        • 3056

        #4
        Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

        Originally posted by Seeker View Post
        People still use clothes lines?

        I do - I love the way sun-dried clothes smell.
        Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

        Comment

        • SUV
          True Christian™ Princess
          The Driving Force behind RA12
          Have at it, anytime!
          • Sep 2006
          • 11027

          #5
          Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

          Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
          I do - I love the way sun-dried clothes smell.
          UGH!!!

          Do you also love the smell from the bark of the tree while you are hugging it and your tears are running down the side of it?

          Comment

          • Pastor Billy-Reuben
            Senior Pastor
            VP of Evangelical Outreach
            On FIRE for Jesus
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 5812

            #6
            Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

            Originally posted by SUV View Post
            Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
            I do - I love the way sun-dried clothes smell.
            UGH!!!
            My sentiments exactly.

            I prefer the smell of Martinized clothes.

            Pastor Billy-Reuben
            Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

            ✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
            Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
            #ChristianLivesMatter

            sigpic

            Comment

            • Pastor Billy-Reuben
              Senior Pastor
              VP of Evangelical Outreach
              On FIRE for Jesus
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 5812

              #7
              Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

              Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
              I therefore direct you to this site!

              Men will wish to make critical comparisons with the posters on the forums and their own wives; ladies will be delighted by some of the most down to earth, honest-to-goodness, Godly advice for women.

              Ladies, a warning! The site is so popular that I note that they are not taking new members at the moment but they have forums on such important subjects as

              Where to put your clothes line
              What's the difference between soaps?
              Wool diaper covers
              Romancing Your Husband

              And most important of all

              Prayer Requests, Bible Questions, Daily Devotions
              Thank you for posting this, brother. I would also like to recommend that the ladies read Proverbs 31 to learn how to be a good wife.

              Pr 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

              Pastor Billy-Reuben
              Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

              ✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
              Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
              #ChristianLivesMatter

              sigpic

              Comment

              • Nobar King
                Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                Christ's Guardian
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2007
                • 23748

                #8
                Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                Originally posted by Dances without Joy View Post
                I do - I love the way sun-dried clothes smell.
                I bet your husband likes the ticks and chiggers that you bring in with the laundry, too.
                May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                Comment

                • Old Iron Crotch
                  SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                  • May 2007
                  • 3056

                  #9
                  Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                  Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                  I bet your husband likes the ticks and chiggers that you bring in with the laundry, too.

                  They're on a line, not on the ground. Since ticks and chiggers don't fly, I don't know how you think they'd get onto clothes hanging on a line.
                  Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                  Comment

                  • Roberta
                    Anti La Leche League Organizer
                    True Christian™
                    • Jan 2008
                    • 1817

                    #10
                    Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                    Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                    I do - I love the way sun-dried clothes smell.
                    The clothes smell something like himono I would guess. To each her own.
                    Come climb my mountains.

                    Comment

                    • Remy Lebeau
                      LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire
                      President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association
                      Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 2058

                      #11
                      Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                      Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                      I bet your husband likes the ticks and chiggers that you bring in with the laundry, too.

                      Her "husband" (and I use the term lightly) is the one who washes the clothes and hangs it up by her command... ugh!! She gives him her underwear(during her courses) in a brown paper bag to handwash... sickening!!

                      Did you know that he wears female undergarmets?
                      Master of Godly Debating

                      Latest Conquest:Sacred Heart

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                      Comment

                      • SUV
                        True Christian™ Princess
                        The Driving Force behind RA12
                        Have at it, anytime!
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 11027

                        #12
                        Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                        Originally posted by Remy Lebeau View Post
                        Her "husband" .....Did you know that he wears female undergarmets?
                        Brother Remy, there is actually a website that sells to "Men" who like the softness and look of womens' unmentionables. I Wish I could recall the Name of it. They are made in large sizes so that these homer!s can get a Proper fit and not chafe their Stones, I suppose

                        Why can't these sinners simply go out and get themselves $avED and stop all of this silliness?

                        Comment

                        • Brother Temperance
                          Senior Usher
                          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                          A very nice young man
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 15621

                          #13
                          Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                          Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                          They're on a line, not on the ground. Since ticks and chiggers don't fly, I don't know how you think they'd get onto clothes hanging on a line.
                          From you touching them.
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 78552

                            #14
                            Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                            Originally posted by SUV View Post
                            Brother Remy, there is actually a website that sells to "Men" who like the softness and look of womens' unmentionables. I Wish I could recall the Name of it. They are made in large sizes so that these homer!s can get a Proper fit and not chafe their Stones, I suppose

                            Why can't these sinners simply go out and get themselves $avED and stop all of this silliness?
                            Are you referring to the notorious sodomite product called "manties?"

                            You know, it never ceases to amaze me that false Christians like Operation Landover Shutdown, etc work so hard to attack our Godly forum, and leave such obvious filth unmolested as manties.
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • SUV
                              True Christian™ Princess
                              The Driving Force behind RA12
                              Have at it, anytime!
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 11027

                              #15
                              Re: Ladies - Find the Man of Your Dreams!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              Are you referring to the notorious sodomite product called "manties?"
                              Yes, Pastor, "Manties" indeed! I went there to Christmas shop for some of you Pastors and Brothers, thinking that a nice, tasteful TIE is never out of style for a Christian Gentleman



                              but instead I was forced to Witness the Abomination of grown Men wearing Ladies' you-know-whats!

                              Disgusting. I received quite a Chastisement from Pasta; in fact, he was so disgusted with me he refused to let me return them for him



                              PS I do Apologize for the image-overdose of the Man in the tie (which tells us that the Wages of Sin is DEATH!)

                              If one of y'all has the talent that I as a woman lacks, please do trim it down for me.

                              Comment

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