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  • #1

    Miz Berfa needs our help!

    Hi y'all, it's me Vavoline.
    I's been a workin for the Joo Miz Berfa fo a long, long time. I ask my Lawd and personal saviour Mr Jeezus Christ to please take me already to his big kingdom in da sky cause I is jist so, so tired of workin an cookin fo that ole joo dawg. Anyways, Miz Berfa now tells me "Vavoline, I is gonna be right up there next to you in Heabin cause I is a "complete Joo". Now, what da heck is dat? No one done tole me the Lawd has astricks on his words. Is Jeezus still gonna make me clean up after her?
    So please valued members of Landober community, please tell our Lawd not to let da Joos, complete or incomplete to follow us up to ours richest reward. We all know they is gonna try an steal our pearly gates!
    Everybodys Blested Ole Mammy
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  • #2
    Re: Miz Berfa needs our help!

    Miss Valvoline, a “complete joo” is to be distinguished from a “complete and utter joo”, the former has accepted Christ as his Savior, count your fingers after you shake hands with the latter.

    This is all rather similar to our ex-Negro Ministry where negrosity is removed from Darkie applicants, save here Jesus is inserted His Love into a joo – just like Jesus Himself told them back then (but they ignored him because they were making 35% on turnover and that’s after taxes.)

    Now moving on to Heaven
    Joh:14:1: Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
    Joh:14:2: In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
    Joh:14:3: And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

    So it looks like you and Ms Bertha will both have big houses but it is also a place of happiness. If you can’t be happy cleaning up, then may be you won’t have to. On top of that, if you get a mansion, you’ll be spending hours just keeping it clean unless cherubim and seraphim are around and willing to lend a hand.

    I hope this helps.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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    • #3
      Re: Miz Berfa needs our help!

      I think this song explains it pretty well.

      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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