[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Yes, how do we know this wicker is not going to cast a hex on poor Sister Mary? This woman is probably a thespian out to seduce our poor Sister Mary at her moment of vulnerability.

My thoughts exactly Brother BJ. And we all know how weak and susceptable sister M&M is to the temptations of soft, nubile womanly flesh. All those years in the convent....I'd sure hate to see her backslide.

[SUV]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.

By the Crepitous Christ. Now Starry, Starry Night is "hitting on" our own Chaste, Pure Mrs. Rogers.

Surely the End Times are already up my fundament & around the corner at this very moment.

JESUS!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

We know all about your neighbor's child, "Suckling Pig"!

You know it was ordinary pork! Mister three helpings!
So, then I guess I'll have to tell the event organizer that you won't be coming after all.
No suckling pig for you!

And now prying into the intimate details of Sister M&Ms shameful experience? Why would you wish her to relive such disgusting perversions? For your repugnant imaginings, no doubt!

I'm simply wondering what was so horrific that she'd be turned off sex for a year. The only thing I can think of would be if she wasn't physically 'ready' and he was sizeable and too impatient and too eager and clumsy. Or just too eager and clumsy and her not physically 'warmed up'.

That's probably what happened.
My advice?
Have your husband look up the definition of 'foreplay'.

[Deaner]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Have your husband look up the definition of 'foreplay'.

I refuse to look up any word you advise Ms. Hellbound but I assume you are talking about the begging part that most secular men are forced to endure. Fortunately, it's not that way in the True Christian household.

[Star Finder]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh lovely Mrs. Rogers.

Don't torture me with no reply. You can use a whip or paddle but please don't avert your face from mine.

I am so happy that Mr. Rogers died so our love can blossom in the open, without furtive couplings inthe broom closet.

I await your reply.

SF

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh lovely Mrs. Rogers.

Don't torture me with no reply. You can use a whip or paddle but please don't avert your face from mine.

I am so happy that Mr. Rogers died so our love can blossom in the open, without furtive couplings inthe broom closet.

I await your reply.

SF

Considering your current condition, wouldn't the kitchen cabinet be more appropriate?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

....I'm simply wondering what was so horrific that she'd be turned off sex for a year. The only thing I can think of would be if she wasn't physically 'ready' and he was sizeable and too impatient and too eager and clumsy. Or just too eager and clumsy and her not physically 'warmed up'.

That's probably what happened.
My advice?
Have your husband look up the definition of 'foreplay'.

I see that once again you lack the proper delicacy and sensitivity in such matters, Ms. Van Helswingsbothways. According to the Bible there is no need for such shameless goings on that you mentioned to accomplish a Godly seeding. I can only modestly counsel that there may have been some understandable confusion concerning the use of door number one or door number two.

[Bozo James (On Moderation)]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

For every drop of ran that falls a flower grows............I believe, ......I believe
Come on ya'll sing along with me.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

I see that once again you lack the proper delicacy and sensitivity in such matters, Ms. Van Helswingsbothways. According to the Bible there is no need for such shameless goings on that you mentioned to accomplish a Godly seeding. I can only modestly counsel that there may have been some understandable confusion concerning the use of door number one or door number two.

I have heard of such things.

Sister M&Ms, it might help in the future if you were to face him, instead of the pillow.

Before attempting such a maneuver, I strongly suggest installing blackout curtains and a surround-sound system so you may listen to soothing music; anything by Wagner should serve admirably to drown out any unwanted sounds.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh lovely Mrs. Rogers.

Don't torture me with no reply.

.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...


Mrs Rogers, for an xtian woman, you're quite a sassy lady!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh dear! I come out of my prayer closet to check on the status of prayers only to see the thread degenerate to this? Shame on you, Van Hell'stramp! The only thing my dear husband, Mr. Joseph Whitford, was eager about was having the opportunity to help create another little Solder for Christ!
As for the proud Satan worshipper witch, I actually do believe you prayed to your dark master that I would conceive and the baby would be healthy instead of trying to put a hex on me. But it will have all been for nothing because I can assure you that Landover Security is top-notch and there is no way you will ever get the chance to eat a True Christian baby of mine!
Dear, sweet Mrs. Rogers. Thank you for your concern. Rest assured my husband, Mr. Whitford, and I have no interest in doing that dirty, shameful act more than is necessary to bring as many Soldiers for Christ into the world as possible before Rapture. Of course we're praying that Rapture happens any moment now, so we will never have to do it again, but just in case God wants to wait a few years, we want to make sure His Earthly army is as large as possible.
One of the blessings of being married to an ex-gay is that he knows what dark roads sex addiction can lead down, so he works harder than any True Christian man I know of to ensure he has to do it as rarely as possible.
For everyone else, thank you for your prayers. If you have time, could you please add to those prayers that the baby, if Jesus wills it, be a boy? God bless you all.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Sister M&Ms, it might help in the future if you were to face him, instead of the pillow.

Before attempting such a maneuver, I strongly suggest installing blackout curtains and a surround-sound system so you may listen to soothing music; anything by Wagner should serve admirably to drown out any unwanted sounds.

Thank you for your concern, Brother OYK, but you can rest assured we did everything exactly the way our True Christian doctor and pastors prescribed.

[SASF]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Thank you for your concern, Brother OYK, but you can rest assured we did everything exactly the way our True Christian doctor and pastors prescribed.

I think I understand Sister. I will pray for you Sister. Even some prayer meetings together or with one or two other sisters could be arranged, if you like. While we women are not that wise, some sisterly support in these matters never goes amiss.

My advice is that the Lord would forgive you if you were to take a glass or two of wine before creating any more little soldiers for Him.

If you find the whole beastly process very difficult, take several glasses of wine, or however many necessary.

Your husband should not of course imbibe too much. Better a sober male who doesn't know what he's doing (none of them do) than a drunk one.

God be with you Sister.

[Deaner]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

If you find the whole beastly process very difficult, take several glasses of wine, or however many necessary.

I can appreciate your reaching out to a Sister in Christ; but isn't there a danger that too much wine may lead Sister M&M to enjoy her seeding?