Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

As you all know, on our honeymoon, my husband (Mr. Whitford) and I came to know each other as proscribed in the Bible one horrible evening so that we could bring forth a little Soldier for Christ.
While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year. Please pray that my womb shall be put into God's service as speedily as possible.
Bless you, brothers and sisters.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Why was it so bad, Sister M&M?
Have you considered artificial insemination? Or maybe you and your husband could see a sex therapist?

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Why was it so bad, Sister M&M?
Have you considered artificial insemination? Or maybe you and your husband could see a sex therapist?

Leave it to the heathen to suggest "the rapist".

No doubt you'd have him wear a Tentacle, or whatever you call that symbol you sick monsters wear when conducting your black masses!

Stop trying to corrupt our dear Sister M&Ms with your vile perversions!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Leave it to the heathen to suggest "the rapist".

No, I said 'therapist'. No spaces. Look it up.

No doubt you'd have him wear a Tentacle, or whatever you call that symbol you sick monsters wear when conducting your black masses!

A WHAT??
Uhhhhh.....OYK...I think you're confusing me with those confused teenagers who hang in basements and/or graveyards trying to reach the rank of 'dungeonmaster'.
You know about some strange things. May I ask, how is it that you know?

Stop trying to corrupt our dear Sister M&Ms with your vile perversions!

Sheeesh, I was only trying to help!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Sheeesh, I was only trying to help!

Help her with your Tentacles and your theRapist?

Help yourself to her soul, I bet! And give it to your "husband", Satan!

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year.

Only a year? My word, you youngsters go at it like a randy rabbits these days! It is quite understandable, however; with the Rapture just around the corner, time is of the essence. May I suggest you wind a rubber band around your husband's member - and give said band a stern "ping" should he get frisky before the years end. It worked wonders for myself and the late Mr. Rogers ... in fact, it was his idea; he told me he thought of it one day whilst coaching at the local rowing club, surrounded by the strapping young Christian men he so loved to teach. He would often pluck at the rubber band in his sleep, muttering the names of his pupils - even in his dreams he was giving those lads pointers, such was his devotion.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Help her with your Tentacles and your theRapist?

You're the one with the intimate knowledge of fetishes, sweetie, not me.

Help yourself to her soul, I bet! And give it to your "husband", Satan!

Sheeesh OYK. Just because he took the last suckling pig at the BBQ is no reason to call my husband names. (Although it is one up on your calling him a big meanie-poop head at the time of the denial of said fourth helping.)
And here I was thinking we'd invite you again for more suckling pig next weekend.

Anyway, Sister M&M...what, exactly, was so horrible about it? Not what you were expecting?

[SUV]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh.my.GOD, Sister M&M - Did you really have to do.....that?

Whatever was it like? Did you get any photos of it, so you can remember what to do next year when/if it wasn't successful?

But wait - surely a True Christian Lady would never be so selfish as to give Birth to only one Child? Where, I say, where will it all end?

The horror; The horror. But remember - we do it all for HIM

Praying for your impending Motherhood,

SUV

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

And here I was thinking we'd invite you again for more suckling pig next weekend.

Anyway, Sister M&M...what, exactly, was so horrible about it? Not what you were expecting?

We know all about your neighbor's child, "Suckling Pig"!



And now prying into the intimate details of Sister M&Ms shameful experience? Why would you wish her to relive such disgusting perversions? For your repugnant imaginings, no doubt!

[Brother Samuel]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

I'll be praying sister. As for you, Rachael, how dare you post some of the things you do. I'm surprised you're still around. Yet, I suppose the pastors and other senior staff let you alone as an example of what happens when you ignore what we have to say and sniff glue.

[Star Finder]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

My word, you youngsters go at it like a randy rabbits these days! It is quite understandable

That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.

How dare you say such things to our pure Mrs. Rogers!

If you want to worship rocks, we can find a few to introduce you to . . . up close and personal!

[WiccanFollowerandPROUNDofit1976]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

As you all know, on our honeymoon, my husband (Mr. Whitford) and I came to know each other as proscribed in the Bible one horrible evening so that we could bring forth a little Soldier for Christ.
While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year. Please pray that my womb shall be put into God's service as speedily as possible.
Bless you, brothers and sisters.

I'm sorry you had a horrible evening on your honeymoon, but I shall pray that your womb bring forth a little soldier as soon as possible so you might not have to repeat the dreadful task. I know how you feel Sister Mary. May I call you Sister M&M?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

I'm sorry you had a horrible evening on your honeymoon, but I shall pray that your womb bring forth a little soldier as soon as possible so you might not have to repeat the dreadful task. I know how you feel Sister Mary. May I call you Sister M&M?

Thanks, but I'm sure I speak for sister Maria when I tell you that she is not interested in your prayers. You see God does not hear the prayers of a jew or a witch.

Who do you think you're fooling?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"...

Thanks, but I'm sure I speak for sister Maria when I tell you that she is not interested in your prayers. You see God does not hear the prayers of a jew or a witch.

Who do you think you're fooling?

Yes, how do we know this wicker is not going to cast a hex on poor Sister Mary? This woman is probably a thespian out to seduce our poor Sister Mary at her moment of vulnerability.