[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Praise the Lord that I found these forums. I have been so naive, even blind for many of these things. I never thought like this about popcorn, but it is so clear now. Even the true driving force behind Pee-Wee Hermans movie theater debauchery.

Thank you for opening my eyes sir. I'll unbuckle my belt next time my kids tries to induge in popcorn frenzy!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Praise the Lord that I found these forums. I have been so naive, even blind for many of these things. I never thought like this about popcorn, but it is so clear now. Even the true driving force behind Pee-Wee Hermans movie theater debauchery.

Thank you for opening my eyes sir. I'll unbuckle my belt next time my kids tries to induge in popcorn frenzy!

I would be careful unbuckling my belt around anyone who has been eating popcorn.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I would be careful unbuckling my belt around anyone who has been eating popcorn.

There is the risk of course, but it is the risk I have to take as a parent. Sometimes loving care-beating with bare hands is just not enough. Sometimes you have to prove your point.

[Cursed]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I'm okay with popcorn turning savages away from God.

More room in Heaven for us! Yay!

[ChristKev]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Many years ago, when I was young and in the clutches of sin (see my introduction thread for my backstory,) my morbidly obese wife engorged herself on KFC, the Chef Boyardee, and popcorn. What a vile creature she was. I thank the LORD everyday for taking her away in that house fire. I've never touch a box of popcorn since and never will. It always reminds me of that horrible time. My snack food is rice cakes! None of the flavored kinds the liberals crank out endlessly. Just good 'ol wholesome rice cakes.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

I do love me a bowl of popcorn every now and again....

That stuff is injun food. Please don't tell me that you're doubly cursed with savage injun blood mixed with your coon blood.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Popcorn makes it easy for even the smallest-stomached to engage in gluttony. They give the stuff to you in huge tubs, and to chomp it by the handful. Next thing you know you're sucking the grease off your fingers - engaging in oral-digital sex - and a few fall off onto the floor and you're all "five second rule" and eating off the floor like an animal, and then you fall alseep and when you wake up there's bits of popcorn stuck in folds of your belley and lovehandle-fat, and you're all "come on, it never even touched the floor" and then you're eating food that's been fried in your own skin-grease

That's what I've heard from popcorn eaters. Of course I've never touched the stuff.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

What bothers me about popcorn is the way some men eat it.

When they grab big handfulls and force into their mouths, that's fine.

But when they pick up just a few pieces with their index and middle finger, and, the pinky finger is extented, it has a homer look to it and makes me very uncomfortable. I move to the other side of the room.

JJH

[miss Pauletta]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

That stuff is injun food. Please don't tell me that you're doubly cursed with savage injun blood mixed with your coon blood.

Mercy me, I hope not! I know almost nothing of my father or his lineage, so I suppose it's technically possible. But I don't have routine urges to sacrifice my children to false forest spirits, and no White person has ever desired to set foot on my property, so all signs point to no.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Mercy me, I hope not! I know almost nothing of my father or his lineage, so I suppose it's technically possible. But I don't have routine urges to sacrifice my children to false forest spirits, and no White person has ever desired to set foot on my property, so all signs point to no.

No I suppose you don't. The bucks never really stick around, do they.


Keep Praying, girl. That's about all you've got.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Brother Hatchet, please forgive me for thinking for myself, but have you ever considered that there might be a link between popcorn-eating and Onanism?

I can easily see how a person's butter-slickened fingers could move from the popcorn bucket further south; no other sinful lubricants necessary.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Brother Hatchet, please forgive me for thinking for myself, but have you ever considered that there might be a link between popcorn-eating and Onanism?

I can easily see how a person's butter-slickened fingers could move from the popcorn bucket further south; no other sinful lubricants necessary.

If one is eating popcorn privately, I think the disgusting scenario you present is a perfectly logical consequence. You seem suspiciously well-versed on the subject. Did you use popcorn butter for self-gratification when you were once a lowly harlot?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

If one is eating popcorn privately, I think the disgusting scenario you present is a perfectly logical consequence. You seem suspiciously well-versed on the subject. Did you use popcorn butter for self-gratification when you were once a lowly harlot?

Shameful as it is, yes.

In my unSaved(c) days, there was nothing I enjoyed better than going to the movie theater, buying a large tub of popcorn covered in fake butter, than taking a trip to the bathroom for some sinful, buttery pleasure. Eventually my addiction got so bad that I'd buy the tub, fill it completely with fake butter, and take it home with me, not caring about the looks I received.

[SUV]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

Ugh. Formerly beeloved of me for his no-nonsense Tough Love, for the sake of our Wellness....

What do you know? Wilford Brimley is nothing but a God-Damned, (popcorn?)-Salt-Lake-City mormon.

Pass the barf bag, please

[Amara "Bambi" Madden]

Re: Orville Redenbacher: Evil Incarnate

While conducting research here on this despicable man, I observed that his birthplace is "Brazil, Indiana." Well, which is it? Clearly his biographers are trying to spread confusion and disinformation about Redenbacher.

First off, I've never heard of anyone becoming sexually excited in response to popcorn.
Secondly, there is a place in Indiana named Brazil.