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  • #1

    Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

    "Dear God, I pray that you put $200 million in small unmarked bills in my basement tonight so that I In Jesus' name can donate them to Landover Baptist Church Amen."

    In Mark 11:24, when Jesus says, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours,"

    I would like to keep 10% for a finder's fee.

    With Obummer's redistribution of wealth we need Jesus to put great wealth into the hands of Christians and their institutions. I only asked for $200 million because I did not want to appear greedy.

    Let's all jump into our prayer closets and make this happen in Jesus' name. Let's starve the Liberal and other haters of Jesus.
    Tags: liberal agenda, redistribution of wealth
  • #2
    Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

    Originally posted by 4 Christ View Post
    "Dear God, I pray that you put $200 million in small unmarked bills in my basement tonight so that I In Jesus' name can donate them to Landover Baptist Church Amen."

    In Mark 11:24, when Jesus says, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours,"
    Please don't misquote Jesus.

    Mark 11:24
    Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

    I would like to keep 10% for a finder's fee.
    This you will have to discuss with the pastors, though I doubt Jesus will like you stealing $20 million from His church.

    With Obummer's redistribution of wealth we need Jesus to put great wealth into the hands of Christians and their institutions. I only asked for $200 million because I did not want to appear greedy.

    Let's all jump into our prayer closets and make this happen in Jesus' name. Let's starve the Liberal and other haters of Jesus.
    It is not necessary for us to do so, it is entirely your belief that is required to get the $200 million. Read the verse again.

    This is about you and your faith, not ours. If Landover receives $200 million from you we iill know you have faith. If we don't we will know you do NOT have faith and do not belong here.

    We look forward to seeing what happens tomorrow.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

      Jesus guarantees it!

      And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.       (John 14:13-14)

      And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. (Luke 11:9-13)

      I have changed my prayer. I don't want any of the $200 million. I will ask Jesus to deliver it directly into the LBC petty cash account. Seeing as how I have not earned the rank of True Christian I ask that others join me in this prayer so that it has a 100% chance of happening.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

        I tithe this way a lot. I give a brazillian dollars to LBC every month by the direct prayer method. I am still a parking lot tither though. If I knew any bigger numbers, I would use those.
        The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

          well, theys this big hole on the side of my trailer where them ornery raccoons chewed through in the night? I sure aint got the money to fix it. i never thought to pray for no money from Christ on account of maybe he might convert them dollars to shekels or lira? and Im fairly certain that they aint no fix it man in Defeated, Tennessee whats gonna take that old money as payment, hoowee!

          yic,
          Lori Humongous
          Genesis 1:24
          And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

            Originally posted by Humongous View Post
            well, theys this big hole on the side of my trailer where them ornery raccoons chewed through in the night? I sure aint got the money to fix it. i never thought to pray for no money from Christ on account of maybe he might convert them dollars to shekels or lira? and Im fairly certain that they aint no fix it man in Defeated, Tennessee whats gonna take that old money as payment, hoowee!

            yic,
            Lori Humongous
            My you are a handsome woman. You look so Baptist.

            I suspect Jesus would deliver dependable spendable gold. Obummer has wrecked the dollar.

            I'd be happy to come over to your trailer and shoot those pesky coons. I'll bring my coon dog Savior. He chases them coons right up the tree.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

              Sooo, it's been 4 days, why isn't the $200 million in Pastor Ezekiel's Godly hands yet? Are you letting it 'rest' in your account so you can steal some of the interest that rightfully belongs to LBC?

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                I feel like this is a petty way out of doing God's great work and hoping he will do it for you!
                Deuteronomy 6:5
                Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                  Originally posted by despising david View Post
                  I feel like this is a petty way out of doing God's great work and hoping he will do it for you!
                  I had a few bad experiences at that; for instance, once I named and claimed® neighbor’s pick-up truck on my own, without waiting for God to grant my prayer request – but pinko-commie-treehugging judge didn’t respect my religious convictions. For shame!
                  Ask not what your Lord can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Lord.


                  ... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                    I'm not too sure about this $200 million, 1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

                    I would go for gold, the price of which will reach $2000/oz, as was given to Jesus without him having to do a miracle.
                    Mat 2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh
                    sigpic


                    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                    Author of such illuminating essays as,
                    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                      Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
                      Sooo, it's been 4 days, why isn't the $200 million in Pastor Ezekiel's Godly hands yet? Are you letting it 'rest' in your account so you can steal some of the interest that rightfully belongs to LBC?
                      Amen brother. I hope he's not seriously contemplating robbing Jesus like a gypsy.


                      Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                        Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                        I'm not too sure about this $200 million, 1Ti 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

                        I would go for gold, the price of which will reach $2000/oz, as was given to Jesus without him having to do a miracle.
                        Mat 2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh
                        “Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favour my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified, which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant.” (Psalm 35:27)

                        I have no doubt that gold arrived, Jesus guarantees it. I think maybe the Nigra janitor stole it.

                        And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, `Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen. "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." (Matthew 21:21-22)

                        Yep that Nigra stole it and he's probably already blown it on harlots, TVs, Ripple, Malt Liquor and crack. Why hasn't somebody called the law on him?

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Jesus and I Will Donate $200 Million to LBC

                          Originally posted by 4 Christ View Post
                          My you are a handsome woman. You look so Baptist.

                          I suspect Jesus would deliver dependable spendable gold. Obummer has wrecked the dollar.

                          I'd be happy to come over to your trailer and shoot those pesky coons. I'll bring my coon dog Savior. He chases them coons right up the tree.

                          well, thank you right kindly, friend 4 Christ!

                          I applied a heaping helping of Zsa Zsa Gabor's movie star make up before I had my picture took, it was on sale at the gas station? worth every penny!
                          Genesis 1:24
                          And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."

                          Comment

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