My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Urgent prayer is requested for my neighbor's cat. When I went to show it some love, I noted a very strange odor emanating from it. I had to move my head back quickly to keep from becoming sick.

Sister Bessie has had her cat for as long as I remember. I love to play with it and Bessie adores when I give it attention, since many people won't (the poor thing had to have its fur removed due to an infestation). Despite having no fur, it is still such a delightful thing.

Won't you pray with me that Bessie's precious pet is restored to health? She states that a love offering of $200,000 will be sent to the church (through me) if I can prove that all of you agreed in Jesus Name.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

Urgent prayer is requested for my neighbor's cat. When I went to show it some love, I noted a very strange odor emanating from it. I had to move my head back quickly to keep from becoming sick.

Sister Bessie has had her cat for as long as I remember. I love to play with it and Bessie adores when I give it attention, since many people won't (the poor thing had to have its fur removed due to an infestation). Despite having no fur, it is still such a delightful thing.

Won't you pray with me that Bessie's precious pet is restored to health? She states that a love offering of $200,000 will be sent to the church (through me) if I can prove that all of you agreed in Jesus Name.

I've always thought shaving one's cat was a bit much: a neat trim would suffice. On the other hand you seem to adore stroking and nuzzling it so I would be happy to donate to see more of that.

YIC

[James Hutchins]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

I suggest shooting it. The smell will go away after a week or so and not return.

Cats are Satans pet.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

I suggest shooting it. The smell will go away after a week or so and not return.

Cats are Satans pet.

Brother Hutchins,

Naturally, a woman would not have properly evaluated all options.

I will ask Father to go shoot it.
No, on the other hand, I better do it myself - he might think I meant to shoot the neighbor instead. And this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement. Praise Jesus for the knowledge of True Christian (TM) men. I would have been on my knees all day instead of cooking and helping Mother clean.

In humility,
NRL

[James Hutchins]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

Brother Hutchins,

Naturally, a woman would not have properly evaluated all options.

I will ask Father to go shoot it.
No, on the other hand, I better do it myself - he might think I meant to shoot the neighbor instead. And this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement. Praise Jesus for the knowledge of True Christian ™ men. I would have been on my knees all day instead of cooking and helping Mother clean.

In humility,
NRL

Just like all solutions in the Bible to a problem, the simplest is the correct one.
Poor, pioius Pastor Ezekeil needs every penny to maintain a proper image to make his flock feel better about themselves.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

I will ask Father to go shoot it...this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement.

Naomi, lamb:

Some of the Pastors have said to just send the check to the Church™ offices, and they will devote a special prayer after Sunday's service to Sister Bessie's cat.

You can always shoot it later, if the animal resists improvement.

Thank you for your help in this challenging time - -

Note to Pastors: How do I remove that signature line from normal correspondence? The office computer is adding it to everything... (??)

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

The cat probably smells of brimstone: it is "of Satan" and a familiar to your neighbor, who is a witch.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

It is true that cats are loathsome creatures and often in the employ of Satan or his dark forces, as Brother James Hutchins and Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire pointed out. Also, I imagine we can look to God's anger as an explaination for the cat's pungent state.

I believe it is best to avoid cats. It is much better to be safe than to be sorry.

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

I would offer Sister Bessie some nice fish once this putrid cat is dealt with.

They are mentioned often in scripture and rarely smell if properly cared for. However, they can be very slippery and hard handle if overly excited.

Regardless, my prayers are with you.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

The poor little pussy. I like pussies.
Is this it?







I'll pray for it, if it helps Pastor Ezekiel Especially since that letter came from Mistress Cookie that forecast an increase in tithes to pay for Pastor Zeke's renovations. This may just be the answer to forestall those increases.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

PETAL! Get ready to "baptize" another one!

[Barry]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

If you loose your tree, try nailing a picture of it to a cat.

[Barry]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

I recently found out there are no cats in the Bible so not wanting to offend Jesus I went to my cat's funeral today..... Hopefully for the last time.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

If you loose your tree, try nailing a picture of it to a cat.

How do you loose a tree? It's not like it can move. You can loose the hounds to take care of intruders on your property, but if you try that with trees nothing will happen and the intruders would have to be shot, wasting your bullets.

Even more confusing - why would you nail a picture to a cat? If you set loose the hounds, do you nail pictures of them to the intruders?

Sorry, but you managed to lose me with the entire concept.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous

How do you loose a tree? It's not like it can move. You can loose the hounds to take care of intruders on your property, but if you try that with trees nothing will happen and the intruders would have to be shot, wasting your bullets.

Even more confusing - why would you nail a picture to a cat? If you set loose the hounds, do you nail pictures of them to the intruders?

Sorry, but you managed to lose me with the entire concept.

Well, he's a foreigner you see. They're a confused bunch in the best of times.