[Sammy The Penitent]

Re: Manly Jokes

That isn't funny.

...On another topic:

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..." The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Manly Jokes

...On another topic:

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..." The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."

That woman needs the sweet-tea treatment mentioned further back

[Sammy The Penitent]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q: Why don't women in San Francisco wear short skirts?

A: Because their balls will show.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Manly Jokes

Father Mo told me this joke the other day. It just goes to show how depraved the papists are, with their "holy water" nonsense.

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? Tiffany giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and then you may pass through the Pearly Gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" Jennifer is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Ruth, What seems to be the rush?"

Ruth replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

[Sammy The Penitent]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What do you give a pedophile who has everything?

A: Another parish.

[Hunter Metzger]

Re: Manly Jokes

Since we are alone here, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite jokes with you guys. Feel free to post your own.

Q: What do 10,000 "abused" women have in common?

A: They just wouldn't listen!



Q: What do you say to a woman with two black-eyes?

A: Nothing - you already told her twice!...


Q: Whats the first thing a beaten wife should do after coming back from hospital after the last "incident"?

A: The dishes if she know's whats good for her.

Q:what is the difference between a baptist and a jack-o-lantern?
A:the jack o lantern is actually bright

Q: why does it take longer to make a baptist snow man?
A:because you have to spend time hollowing out the head

Q: what is the difference between a True Christian(TM) and a Nazi?
A: ...hmmm... I can't seem to think of any

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q: what is the difference between a True Christian™ and a Nazi?
A: ...hmmm... I can't seem to think of any

Hitler was a Catholic, dummy.



YiC (NOT MARY),

Zech

[Sammy The Penitent]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q:what is the difference between a baptist and a jack-o-lantern?
A:the jack o lantern is actually bright

Q: why does it take longer to make a baptist snow man?
A:because you have to spend time hollowing out the head

Q: what is the difference between a True Christian™ and a Nazi?
A: ...hmmm... I can't seem to think of any

Here's a few for Hunter the Homo:

Q: What do you get when you cross an eskimo and a homo?
A: A snowblower.

Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the butt.

Q: What do homos call hemorrhoids?
A: Speed bumps.

YIC

[Paragon of virtue]

Re: Manly Jokes

Here's one making the rounds...skip it if you heard it.

Shipwrecked,

A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi.

That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those “feelings” again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.

Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, “take the dog for a walk.”

[Marc Thyme]

Re: Manly Jokes

After years of his wife pestering him to take her golfing with him, to shut her up, Jake finally took his wife to the golf course. On the tenth hole, Jake stood on the tee, checked the wind, and sliced his shot so it landed on the wrong side of the caretaker's shed. When Jake and his wife surveyed what his next shot might be, Jake's wife said, "You know, honey, the shed has a door at each end. If I hold the doors open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green with a 1-iron. Jake thought about it and it actually sounded like a decent plan. Unfortunately, his shot was not quite true. The ball hit the jamb of the first door, ricocheted, and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly.

A couple weeks later, at the same course with a few of his buddies, Jake stood at the tee of the tenth hole, the events of his last visit still weighing heavily on him. And once again he sliced his shot, landing in almost exactly the same place behind the same shed. When he and the other three guys got to where they could size up the situation, one of the guys said, "Jake, the shed has a door at each end. If I hold the doors open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green with a 1-iron." Jake said, "Oh no! Last time I tried that I ended up with a double bogey."

[Paragon of virtue]

Re: Manly Jokes

Hopefully not a repeat:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

[Sammy The Penitent]

Re: Manly Jokes

A few more one liners:

Q: A negro and his negress girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop.

Q: What's long and hard on a negro?
A: The first grade.

Q: What would martin luther king be if he was white?
A: Alive.

YIC

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a buffalo?

A:

[Marc Thyme]

Re: Manly Jokes

Two poor nigras are on the street when they come across an ad on a building saying "Be white, only 99 cents!" They count up their change. Nigra 1 only has $1, and the other has 98 cents. Nigra 2: "you go in there, become whiite, and then give me the penny so I can become white too!" Nigra 1: "that's a good idea, brutha." So, he goes into the building. Nigra 2 wait's about 5 minutes, and then his buddy comes out holding a briefcase, wearing a nice suit and tie, and he's white as snow! Nigra 2: "Look at you, you's white as hell, brutha! How about that penny so I can be white too?" Former Nigra 1 looks at him blankly: "get a job, spook," and walks away.

[Marc Thyme]

Re: Manly Jokes

A Catholic priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar...and he orders a drink.