[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Masterbation

I will pray for your efforts Sister. She needs a good stiff Holy Ghost enema in my opinion.

I do hope Pastor Al sees that. It proves it isn't me who's obsessed with enemas.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

She needs a good stiff Holy Ghost enema in my opinion.

While I appreciate your concern, for me that spot is exit only.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Masterbation

While I appreciate your concern, for me that spot is exit only.

Not where demons are concerned. You don't happen to live in Florida, do you? Those hurricanes are known to cause problems with demons getting into flamingos.

[Talitha]

Re: Masterbation

Not where demons are concerned. You don't happen to live in Florida, do you? Those hurricanes are known to cause problems with demons getting into flamingos.

Brother, I expect that those Flamingo's enjoyed every last minute of it. Anything that is Pink in the world just has to be something Homer.

Sister Dances is certainly showing signs of Coming Out to The Lord.
It makes me warm inside just thinking about it.
I'm going to spend a whole heap of time today in my Prayer Closet just thinking about how Jesus is going to enter her.

This Website sure is a powerful tool in the never ending battle to Save these lost Souls. I thank The Lord Jesus every day for letting us use His Holy Bandwidth.

PRAISE!!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Masterbation

I was not offering to join you. I just thought it might cure your "dizziness."

That's not always the case: Sister SUV seems to leave the shower dizzier and more full of JESUS than ever.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

That's not always the case: Sister SUV seems to leave the shower dizzier and more full of JESUS than ever.

I get the impression from her posts that SUV spends most of her time dizzy, no matter what she's doing.

[Aethereal]

Re: Homer "jeffgothro" asks about the M-activity [re-titled by LL

A little off topic, so please forgive me for that and the fact if I seem a bit naive and confused here, but I was at this penticostal church and I spoke to them about my masterbation addiction and they told me that God kills a kitten everytime I bust a nut. And whats even worse is they said I would burn in hell for it, especially if I let my spunk come in contact with the ground. Is there any truth to this?

I was listening to Interview: Pastor Harry Hardwick of Landover Baptist Church - Part Deux and he said you guys at church have these tupperware thing-a-ma-jiggies that are made just for catching seed so it doesnt come in contact with the ground. So far, I have been very sucessful in only thinking about Jesus when I masterbate, but this whole seed on the ground thing really scares me.

Do you guys have like a "home" tupperware thing-a-ma-jiggy kit that can be purchased from LBC. And if not, can I make my own do-it-yourself "seed catcher"? Do I need to report to that church lady Brother Hardwick spoke of, and if so, cant I just report electronically like in an email.

Thanks,

Jeff

I suggest you read this article. If you don't meet those qualifications you shouldn't masturbate. You should also post on Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Masterbation

I get the impression from her posts that SUV spends most of her time dizzy, no matter what she's doing.

Is someone jealous of SUV because Jesus chose her shower to manifest Himself in?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

Is someone jealous of SUV because Jesus chose her shower to manifest Himself in?

Not at all. I don't lose any sleep over what she does in the shower. She can have her Jesus - I have my own tub toys.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Masterbation

Not at all. I don't lose any sleep over what she does in the shower. She can have her Jesus - I have my own tub toys.

(cough) (cough) Jealous.

Like some rubber tallywacker is going to be the same as The Son of God.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

(cough) (cough) Jealous.

Like some rubber tallywacker is going to be the same as The Son of God.

Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about toy boats.

Besides, my bathtub is too slippery for hanky-panky.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Masterbation

Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about toy boats.

You shove toy boats up there? Good Lord, woman, what's wrong with you?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

You shove toy boats up there?
Only in your demented imagination.


Good Lord, woman, what's wrong with you?

Not a thing. They're actually for my niece to play with when she spends the night at my house. The rest of the time, they're just decorative.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Masterbation

Not a thing. They're actually for my niece to play with when she spends the night at my house. The rest of the time, they're just decorative.

"Neice" is that the code word for the more passive partner in a thespian relationship?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Masterbation

"Neice" is that the code word for the more passive partner in a thespian relationship?

No, it's the code word for the female progeny of my sibling.
And a thespian is a stage actor - my niece sings and dances, but she can't act.