X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Rachael Van Helsing
    HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
    • Sep 2006
    • 5131

    #31
    Re: Masterbation

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    I will pray for your efforts Sister. She needs a good stiff Holy Ghost enema in my opinion.
    I do hope Pastor Al sees that. It proves it isn't me who's obsessed with enemas.
    Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 05-29-2007, 12:06 AM.
    sigpic
    Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

    Comment

    • Old Iron Crotch
      SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
      • May 2007
      • 3056

      #32
      Re: Masterbation

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      She needs a good stiff Holy Ghost enema in my opinion.

      While I appreciate your concern, for me that spot is exit only.
      Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

      Comment

      • WilliamJenningsBryan
        True Christian™
         
        • Jan 2007
        • 9384

        #33
        Re: Masterbation

        Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
        While I appreciate your concern, for me that spot is exit only.
        Not where demons are concerned. You don't happen to live in Florida, do you? Those hurricanes are known to cause problems with demons getting into flamingos.
        Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
        brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
        ...and get off my lawn
        sigpic

        Comment

        • Talitha
          Deaconess
          Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
          True Christian™
          • Nov 2025
          • 15118

          #34
          Re: Masterbation

          Originally posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
          Not where demons are concerned. You don't happen to live in Florida, do you? Those hurricanes are known to cause problems with demons getting into flamingos.
          Brother, I expect that those Flamingo's enjoyed every last minute of it. Anything that is Pink in the world just has to be something Homer.

          Sister Dances is certainly showing signs of Coming Out to The Lord.
          It makes me warm inside just thinking about it.
          I'm going to spend a whole heap of time today in my Prayer Closet just thinking about how Jesus is going to enter her.

          This Website sure is a powerful tool in the never ending battle to Save these lost Souls. I thank The Lord Jesus every day for letting us use His Holy Bandwidth.

          PRAISE!!

          Sister Talitha

          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



          Comment

          • Brother Temperance
            Senior Usher
            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
            A very nice young man
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 15621

            #35
            Re: Masterbation

            Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
            I was not offering to join you. I just thought it might cure your "dizziness."
            That's not always the case: Sister SUV seems to leave the shower dizzier and more full of JESUS than ever.
            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

            Comment

            • Old Iron Crotch
              SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
              • May 2007
              • 3056

              #36
              Re: Masterbation

              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
              That's not always the case: Sister SUV seems to leave the shower dizzier and more full of JESUS than ever.
              I get the impression from her posts that SUV spends most of her time dizzy, no matter what she's doing.
              Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

              Comment

              • Aethereal
                Sad young man seduced into witchcraft.
                Aka as Daniel, etc.
                 
                • May 2007
                • 51

                #37
                Re: Homer "jeffgothro" asks about the M-activity [re-titled by LL

                Originally posted by jeffgothro View Post
                A little off topic, so please forgive me for that and the fact if I seem a bit naive and confused here, but I was at this penticostal church and I spoke to them about my masterbation addiction and they told me that God kills a kitten everytime I bust a nut. And whats even worse is they said I would burn in hell for it, especially if I let my spunk come in contact with the ground. Is there any truth to this?

                I was listening to Interview: Pastor Harry Hardwick of Landover Baptist Church - Part Deux and he said you guys at church have these tupperware thing-a-ma-jiggies that are made just for catching seed so it doesnt come in contact with the ground. So far, I have been very sucessful in only thinking about Jesus when I masterbate, but this whole seed on the ground thing really scares me.

                Do you guys have like a "home" tupperware thing-a-ma-jiggy kit that can be purchased from LBC. And if not, can I make my own do-it-yourself "seed catcher"? Do I need to report to that church lady Brother Hardwick spoke of, and if so, cant I just report electronically like in an email.

                Thanks,

                Jeff
                I suggest you read this article. If you don't meet those qualifications you shouldn't masturbate. You should also post on Mother Glendora's Sexual Purity Pledge.

                Comment

                • Bobby-Joe
                  Landover Security Superviser
                  Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                  NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 18405

                  #38
                  Re: Masterbation

                  Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                  I get the impression from her posts that SUV spends most of her time dizzy, no matter what she's doing.
                  Is someone jealous of SUV because Jesus chose her shower to manifest Himself in?

                  Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                  Hot Must ReadThreads!


                  Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                  Comment

                  • Old Iron Crotch
                    SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                    • May 2007
                    • 3056

                    #39
                    Re: Masterbation

                    Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                    Is someone jealous of SUV because Jesus chose her shower to manifest Himself in?
                    Not at all. I don't lose any sleep over what she does in the shower. She can have her Jesus - I have my own tub toys.
                    Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                    Comment

                    • Bobby-Joe
                      Landover Security Superviser
                      Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                      NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 18405

                      #40
                      Re: Masterbation

                      Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                      Not at all. I don't lose any sleep over what she does in the shower. She can have her Jesus - I have my own tub toys.
                      (cough) (cough) Jealous.

                      Like some rubber tallywacker is going to be the same as The Son of God.

                      Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                      Hot Must ReadThreads!


                      Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                      Comment

                      • Old Iron Crotch
                        SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                        • May 2007
                        • 3056

                        #41
                        Re: Masterbation

                        Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                        (cough) (cough) Jealous.

                        Like some rubber tallywacker is going to be the same as The Son of God.

                        Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about toy boats.

                        Besides, my bathtub is too slippery for hanky-panky.
                        Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                        Comment

                        • Brother Temperance
                          Senior Usher
                          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                          A very nice young man
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 15621

                          #42
                          Re: Masterbation

                          Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                          Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about toy boats.
                          You shove toy boats up there? Good Lord, woman, what's wrong with you?
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                          Comment

                          • Old Iron Crotch
                            SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                            • May 2007
                            • 3056

                            #43
                            Re: Masterbation

                            Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                            You shove toy boats up there?
                            Only in your demented imagination.


                            Good Lord, woman, what's wrong with you?
                            Not a thing. They're actually for my niece to play with when she spends the night at my house. The rest of the time, they're just decorative.
                            Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                            Comment

                            • Bobby-Joe
                              Landover Security Superviser
                              Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                              NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 18405

                              #44
                              Re: Masterbation

                              Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                              Not a thing. They're actually for my niece to play with when she spends the night at my house. The rest of the time, they're just decorative.
                              "Neice" is that the code word for the more passive partner in a thespian relationship?

                              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                              Hot Must ReadThreads!


                              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                              Comment

                              • Old Iron Crotch
                                SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                                • May 2007
                                • 3056

                                #45
                                Re: Masterbation

                                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                                "Neice" is that the code word for the more passive partner in a thespian relationship?

                                No, it's the code word for the female progeny of my sibling.
                                And a thespian is a stage actor - my niece sings and dances, but she can't act.
                                Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                                Comment

                                Working...