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MY HOMER DOG!!!
I am terrified that my dog has become a homer... i first realized it this past weekend i had just gotten out of the shower and i sat down after i dried off right before i changed to check my email... and my dog came over and happened to try and lick my genetals. I was disgusted and i have no idea how to set him straight. Please give me some ideas on how to fix him
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
Kill it, in cases like this euthanasia is really the only way!Originally posted by Iminlovewithgod1979 View Post
Were you naked when it tried to have relations with you? Then it's your own fault as well, homer! Shame!
After it's safely dead, you'd better pray for your own soul and set up a tithing schedule with our GODLY Pastors, if you know what's good for you!
Shocked and dismayed!
Sister Noddy
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ... -
Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
What do you think this is here? A Dog Clinic?Originally posted by Iminlovewithgod1979 View Post
This is a True Christian(tm) Forum for True Christian(tm) people. We don't want to know about your darn Dog.
When you come back again, get yourself over to the Introduction Forum, tell us what you know about Jesus and the one TRUE Holy Bible (KJV1611) and maybe why Jesus brought you here.
Then kill the Dog.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
I'll just bet there's a FAQ (Frequently Answered Questions) for this, or there sure needs to be. I've been here only a day and this is the second time I've heard someone ask how to fix their homo dog. Get this through your heads, people. You can't. It's broken. Get over it.
Well, I've thought about it since the last time I answered this question, and I think I have some additional help, which might be added to some future or existing FAQ.
First of all, you need to introduce your queer canine to a handful of bullets. The back of the head is best. If you aim just right, you won't need more than one or two. If it takes you more than five or twenty, you're going to need a few drop cloths. And maybe a blindfold.
After that, if you really loved your depraved and fallen homo beast, you might consider calling up a local taxidermist. You can have your stupid mutt stuffed and mounted and then you can fondly remember your dog as it should have been, as God meant him to be: straight.
If you can't get one to come 'round for a few days or weeks or even months (depending on where you live), you need to stuff your passed on pooch into your refrigerator or freezer, or it will start to smell, attact flies, weevils, maggots and other pestillence. So be forewarned. Forewarned is forearmed.
And if you eventually get sick of looking at the foul homer after it's been stuffed and begins to emit a foul stench (and believe me, you will), you can always toss him into a nearby dumpster.
Good riddence, you dead gay dog.
YIC, Brother HuntComment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
Not knowing what sex you and your dog are leaves me wondering. But if you are both males, we will dispatch our Christian stoning patrol...Originally posted by Iminlovewith1979 View Post
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
No matter what the scenario, I would start by cutting out the dog's tongue... (and cutting something of yours as well)
Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched . . . cont.
A very helpful, Glendora
PS You misspelled genitals, but I don't think Jesus wants to see such smut, so I will let it go this time.Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.Comment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
That's what you get for running around the house naked! You better do some serious thinking about Jesus and how you're going to get right with him!Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
That's what I was thinking, I wonder what he did to provoke it. Maybe he was dressed up in one of those little french poodle outfits and making seductive growling sounds; grrrring "come hither" in doggy talk. He certainly doesn't sound like an innocent bystander to me.Originally posted by Sister Noddy View PostComment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
You realise that most dogs hump or lick anything, including other dogs and genitals, and if you shoot that innocent dog I will alert P.E.T.A and the authoritiesOriginally posted by Iminlovewith1979 View Post
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
In Freehold, WE ARE the Authorities.Originally posted by imback View PostYou realise that most dogs hump or lick anything, including other dogs and genitals, and if you shoot that innocent dog I will alert P.E.T.A and the authorities
I'm not sure which part of the World you come from, but this kind of behavior is not tolerated here.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
Shooting dogs is illegal unless they are a direct threat to your safety, and this is not a direct threat, How can you be the authorities, you are still part of America and the law still applies to you.Originally posted by Sister Talitha View PostComment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
Please cite the legal section, paragraph and code that backs up your claim. Our team of high-priced joo lawyers thinks that you are bluffing.Originally posted by imback View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
A wild animal attempting to forcibly lick your genitals is not a threat? Am I supposed to wait until it flips me over and sodomizes me?? Friend, what part of the world do you live in?Originally posted by imback View PostComment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
Alerting PETA would be a bit redundant. As it is, whenever we execute a demon-possessed animal, we usually fax or email pictures of the mutilated corpse to PETA, just on general principles. Handing them in in person is even better, because then you get to enjoy the look on their faces. After that, if it's a pig or a dog, we usually tie a rag round its shattered skull, take a few more pictures, and then send them to mosques and the Iranian embassy with a caption saying "Ha ha your pedofile prophet is dead." It's all part of spreading Jesus' message in the modern world.Originally posted by imback View PostYou realise that most dogs hump or lick anything, including other dogs and genitals, and if you shoot that innocent dog I will alert P.E.T.A and the authorities
Friend, look at New Orleans in 2005, or California this year. Are you really claiming that they wouldn't have been a whole lot safer if they weren't just a little bit more pro-active when it came to shooting sodomite dogs?Originally posted by imback View PostO Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
- Catholic perversion throughout history
- Does it matter how we praise the Lord?
- How the King James Bible Saved me from anal sex!
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: MY HOMER DOG!!!
So when does a dog with no thought process and a brain the size of a peanut become a sinning homosexual??
You people are mental. You all should get a cat scan ASAP.Comment
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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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