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  • Check Mate
    Unsaved trash, obese whore
    • Jul 2015
    • 14
    #1

    Hello there

    Hi.

    I go to Central United Methodist Church.

    My favorite Bible verse is 2 Samuel 22:31.

    I'm a Christian by birth.

    Before you ask what I have done recently for Jesus, let me just say that I haven't done anything for Jesus because I don't do anything. Period. Except just lay in bed and watch TV.

    My hobbies are gaming, programming and playing with my two Miniature Schnauzers, Maya and Schnazzanardo(Schnazzy for short).
    This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Hello there

      No one is a Christian by birth. Mankind is born into sin (Psalm 51:5), a concept a Bible Believing Christian knows and agrees with. You should rethink your laziness, as Jesus cares not about how you fee, but what you do for Him (Matthew 7:21).
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Check Mate
          Unsaved trash, obese whore
          • Jul 2015
          • 14
          #3
          Re: Hello there

          Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
          No one is a Christian by birth. Mankind is born into sin (Psalm 51:5), a concept a Bible Believing Christian knows and agrees with. You should rethink your laziness, as Jesus cares not about how you fee, but what you do for Him (Matthew 7:21).
          1) By "Christian by Birth" I meant I was born into a Christian family.
          2) My mom wouldn't let me go outside alone as a kid, so I guess the couch potato lifestyle was kind of forcibly burnt into my head with a solder gun.

          By the way, about my infraction, how was I persecuting you? I was merely suggesting that I would write a game review. Nothing persecuting(is that usable as an adjective?) about that.
          This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

            Comment

            • Check Mate
              Unsaved trash, obese whore
              • Jul 2015
              • 14
              #4
              Yelp!

              I'll have you know I'm from Yelp. Right now, your chances of a good review aren't great.
              This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

                Comment

                • Didymus Much
                  Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                  • Jun 2010
                  • 14079
                  #5
                  Re: Yelp!

                  Originally posted by Check Mate View Post
                  I'll have you know I'm from Yelp...
                  Oh, you mean the internet's last bastion of reason and logic and taste and refinement and oh I'm sorry I can't keep this up with a straight face anymore, but a bad Yelp review OH NOOOOOOOEEEESSS.

                  Seriously, pal, Yelp vs. the creator of the universe?

                    Comment

                    • Alvin Moss
                      Serving Jesus
                      True Christian™
                      • Aug 2013
                      • 4468
                      #6
                      Re: Yelp!

                      Originally posted by Check Mate View Post
                      I'll have you know I'm from Yelp. Right now, your chances of a good review aren't great.

                      We care not a whit about your yuppie reviews. Who are you to presume to review God's handiwork? Was I you, I believe I'd get down off my high horse and get your story straight. God has a mighty anger for hateful hippies. He will send you right to Hell if you fool with Him.
                      God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                        Comment

                        • James Hutchins
                          True Christian™
                          Just a Regular Nice Guy
                           
                          • Jun 2009
                          • 29453
                          #7
                          Re: Yelp!

                          Originally posted by Check Mate View Post
                          I'll have you know I'm from Yelp. Right now, your chances of a good review aren't great.
                          'Yelp', is that some sort of schnauzer cult? Sounds like some sort of catlic nazi thing. I want you to know, we do NOT tolerate your kind of racism here. We are decent and fair pure White people, made in Gods shadow.
                          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                            Comment

                            • Ezekiel Bathfire
                              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                              Christ's Rottweiler
                               
                              • Jan 2008
                              • 22882
                              #8
                              Re: Hello there

                              Originally posted by Check Mate View Post
                              Hi.

                              I go to Central United Methodist Church.

                              Before you ask what I have done recently for Jesus, let me just say that I haven't done anything for Jesus because I don't do anything. Period. Except just lay in bed and watch TV.
                              See, that's par for the course. Methodism is merely a glorified social club with inglorious attempts at respectability made by mentioning Jesus every few months.

                              You are living proof that it is not a religion, and certainly not The Religion.
                              sigpic


                              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                              Author of such illuminating essays as,
                              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                Comment

                                • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                                  True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                                   
                                  • Jul 2014
                                  • 8407
                                  #9
                                  Re: Hello there

                                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                                  See, that's par for the course. Methodism is merely a glorified social club with inglorious attempts at respectability made by mentioning Jesus every few months.

                                  You are living proof that it is not a religion, and certainly not The Religion.
                                  In my country, Methodists are chiefly famed for their drug-fueled lifestyle and use of rent-boys, like this sorry specimen, the notorious Crystal Methodist:



                                  Have you considered getting up out of bed and doing something constructive for Jesus dear, before you become so obese that you have to be cut out by the fire department?

                                  Proverbs 21:25 The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour.
                                  Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                                    Comment

                                    • Faith_Machine
                                      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Mar 2011
                                      • 10050
                                      #10
                                      Re: Hello there

                                      Hello Yelper, in which city do you Yelp? Are you active in the Yelp Talk forums?

                                      And what do you do with yourself when you're not taking pictures of your food?
                                      WARNING:
                                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                        Comment

                                        • The new guy
                                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                                          • Aug 2015
                                          • 12
                                          #11
                                          Re: Yelp!

                                          Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                                          'Yelp', is that some sort of schnauzer cult? Sounds like some sort of catlic nazi thing. I want you to know, we do NOT tolerate your kind of racism here. We are decent and fair pure White people, made in Gods shadow.
                                          Schnauzer cult? What's that?

                                            Comment

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