[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I do agree with that.

Nice, and thank you. But it's not so much a thing to agree with as it is a call to action, to witness for Jesus Christ, as my Dear Sister did in her post. You DO know that she spent two weeks composing a post that is truly excellent, after some editing by the elders of the church?

How do you personally see the unsaved scum, spastics and losers that decide to be autistiscal? Would you share a love seat in Heaven with them? Can you imagine the smell?

No thanks!

In Christ

[curtisedwardgrice (Quarantined)]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Nice, and thank you. But it's not so much a thing to agree with as it is a call to action, to witness for Jesus Christ, as my Dear Sister did in her post. You DO know that she spent two weeks composing a post that is truly excellent, after some editing by the elders of the church?

How do you personally see the unsaved scum, spastics and losers that decide to be autistiscal? Would you share a love seat in Heaven with them? Can you imagine the smell?

No thanks!

In Christ

they need to get right with Jesus or burn in he'll I won't be anywhere near them.

[curtisedwardgrice (Quarantined)]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.

Greatings, young man!

Our congregation has a history of being targeted by the atheist, the homersexual and the recidivist. As a consequence we are very careful who is allowed to become part of God's favourite forum.

What would set you on the right path with our Pastors is a 500 word essay about what you have done for Christ in the last year. It is expected that you cover such contemporary issues such as gay marriage, concealed carry and slavery.

Spelling and punctuation are mandatory.

I wish you well in completing this task and look forwards to greeting you as a brother.

YIC

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

they need to get right with Jesus or burn in he'll I won't be anywhere near them.

What a riveting testimony! I too look forward to your essay! If it's anything like your introduction thread, I think we can expect great spiritual adventure, danger, intrigue, deception, redemption, and oh my, the list goes on!

[James Hutchins]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.

Friend,a Christian does not 'wish', we pray to God He permits our souls to go to Heaven.
Making amends is one of the 12 steps worthless drunks do to placate themselves for being rotten bastards.
You have already joined the forum.
I have yet to see your application for joining the Church along with the required documentation and at least three letters of recommendation along with the surety bond.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I was here before I lost my username and password ... I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.

Since your first post, we here at Landover have referred your details to the Department of Faith. They have been kind enough to run a few background checks: mainly the small stuff like
(i) Check IP address
(ii) Medical records (I hope you have prayed away that rash. )
(iii) Short surveillance of your home and your neighbors (The Carolinas are quite pleasant this time of year.)
(iv) Spending patterns via your credit card and bank.
(v) Interception of emails and telephone calls
(vi) Automatic License Plate Recognition
(vii) Birth, Baptism, Marriage and Death records for you and two generations either side of you.
(viii) IRS
(ix) Social Security number and employers
(x) Similar checks on your parents and any siblings
(xi) Police/FBI/CIA records
(vii) Church attendance records from a 100 mile radius of your home and previous addresses, and a few other basics.

Nothing like the check you'll get when you appear before Jesus, and just a start if I'm honest. But they have all failed to come up with anything to indicate that you were ever at Landover...

Care to explain?

[curtisedwardgrice (Quarantined)]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Since your first post, we here at Landover have referred your details to the Department of Faith. They have been kind enough to run a few background checks: mainly the small stuff like
(i) Check IP address
(ii) Medical records (I hope you have prayed away that rash. )
(iii) Short surveillance of your home and your neighbors (The Carolinas are quite pleasant this time of year.)
(iv) Spending patterns via your credit card and bank.
(v) Interception of emails and telephone calls
(vi) Automatic License Plate Recognition
(vii) Birth, Baptism, Marriage and Death records for you and two generations either side of you.
(viii) IRS
(ix) Social Security number and employers
(x) Similar checks on your parents and any siblings
(xi) Police/FBI/CIA records
(vii) Church attendance records from a 100 mile radius of your home and previous addresses, and a few other basics.

Nothing like the check you'll get when you appear before Jesus, and just a start if I'm honest. But they have all failed to come up with anything to indicate that you were ever at Landover...

Care to explain?

I was referring to God's favorite forum good Sir.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I was referring to God's favorite forum good Sir.

That's only nine words and not one of them was 'Jesus'.

Not a good start.

YIC

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Brother Curtis,

By now, if you were sincere about your desired walk with Christ, you would have fallen on your knees in front of the good men of Landover and our Lord Jesus, and you would have opened yourself to His enormous love. It is only when we are prostate with griefness over our sinfulous nature that the LORD GOD can penetrate our very souls and cleanse us with His Blood.

Salvation(R) is not something to be on the fence about. His soon coming is nearer than it has been over the past 2000 years and we know because He said so, "Behold, I come quickly!" (Revelation 22:12)

There is no getting around that. God is SO good to us, but we must first start walking toward Him. He will then carry you in His Manly Bosom(tm) and shew you His Righteousness(R).

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Didymus Much]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

...It is only when we are prostate...

Prostrate, maybe?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

I was referring to God's favorite forum good Sir.

Ah... I was thinking that you might have been accepted into the congregation and set up a tithing plan.

Carry on.

[James Hutchins]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Friend,a Christian does not 'wish', we pray to God He permits our souls to go to Heaven.
Making amends is one of the 12 steps worthless drunks do to placate themselves for being rotten bastards.
You have already joined the forum.
I have yet to see your application for joining the Church along with the required documentation and at least three letters of recommendation along with the surety bond.

Still nothing, do I stop looking and take it your have instead taken a cheap seat on the bus to Hell?

[curtisedwardgrice (Quarantined)]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Still nothing, do I stop looking and take it your have instead taken a cheap seat on the bus to Hell?

So calling this God's favorite forum, but not saying Jesus in the sentence was a bad start wow!!!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I was here before I lost my username and password

Prostrate, maybe?

You Foul Demon,

I am but a young man and my prostrate is fully functional, although I do not like being forced to speak of it on a Holy Ghost filled forum.

Why don't you go back to your monkeys and evolve a little before shewing your face, Atheist?

COME, LORD JESUS,
BrotherLarry

PS: All you need to do, as you have been told in this place for years, is to read the BIBLE to find proof of God's existence. That most HOLY of books didn't write itself, you know. I am convinced that atheists just don't know how to use logic and science in the same way True Christians(TM) do - the way JESUS taught. Do you feel the flames of HELL batting against your sinful countenance yet, knave? You are surely bound there on a fast-moving train. The devil himself has stamped your ticket due to your unbelief in the obvious existence of our GOD.