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  • Macus Loopman-Stank
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Jun 2016
    • 2

    #1

    My story

    Hello. My name is Macus Loopman-Stank. I have been called upon by the Lord Jesus Christ to create the Holy News Outlet in his name. It's my job to take the news of this disgusting, destruction-bound world, and preach against it, so that it can be rightfully laid into obscurity in hope that man can obey God as he is commanded to do without any distractions. And for those who ignore the commandments of the Almighty God, and partake in this garbage like the unsaved, Hell-bound trash they are, the Lord will rightfully rebuke and condemn them, which we who are saved shall all rejoice in.

    I must admit that I was once unsaved trash myself. I played video games all day, watched stupid Japanese cartoons, ate Doritos, drank Mountain Dew, and if I had not been saved when I was, I would have been possessed by an autistic demon, and my I.Q. would have been completely diminished. But, the Almighty God found a use for me to preach against all of this garbage and preach the inevitable truth to all the unsaved trash that roam this earth. The inevitable truth that it is too late, and they will spend eternity in the fires of Hell if they continue with their filthy lifestyles (and most of them probably won't.)


    My favorite Bible verse is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
  • Mary Etheldreda
    Gushing for Jesus
     
    • Sep 2011
    • 23775

    #2
    Re: My story

    Welcome to our friendly forums, Mr. Loopman-Stank. Thank you for not bringing the autism demons to our family friendly community. Tell us about yourself. How long have you been married? How many children has your wife blessed you with?
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • FranklinAndPearl
      True Christians™
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2014
      • 163

      #3
      Re: My story

      Hi dear, Pearl here!

      A cautious welcome! Your introduction was pleasant. I do have a few questions, though!


      You have an interesting name. Is there a reason why your surname is hyphenated?


      Also, it appears you are not using the KJV version of the Bible, based on what you typed as the verse. Which incorrect version are you using??? As far as I can tell, it seems to be the New American Standard


      Walking with Christ,


      Pearl
      Just a loving, saved, MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL couple sharing this account! Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Hi Carol, not sure why the Face book isn't typing out my letters, LOL. I hope you can see this message, none of the letters are going in the box. Maybe they are invisible? We do not really understand Computers or Technology. I will have to ask Anita about this. See you tomor

      Comment

      • Howard L. Schlangern
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Jun 2016
        • 20

        #4
        Re: My story

        Dear Mr. [Mrs?] Loopman-Stank,

        Where is the rest of your tie?


        In Christ,

        ~Rev. H.L. Schlangern
        "And when the barbarians saw the venomous beast hang on his hand, they said among themselves. No doubt this man is a murderer. And he shook off the beast into the fire, and felt no harm. Howbeit they looked when he should have swollen, or fallen down dead suddenly: but after they had looked a great while, and saw no harm come to him, they changed their minds, and said that he was a god." ~ Acts 28:4-6

        Comment

        • Ezekiel Bathfire
          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
          Christ's Rottweiler
           
          • Jan 2008
          • 22912

          #5
          Re: My story

          It's a damnable papist!

          Click image for larger version

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          Security! Security!
          sigpic


          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

          Author of such illuminating essays as,
          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

          Comment

          • Daisy Mae Johnson
            The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
            Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
            aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 15708

            #6
            Re: My story

            Greetings and salutations. I hope you aren't really some sneaky catlick who was sent here to "stank" up the place.
            sigpic

            Tweet me Here
            My GODLY Bio Here

            Comment

            • Faith_Machine
              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2011
              • 10050

              #7
              Re: My story

              Dear Father Loopman,

              Catholicism is a scam. Quit worshipping statues before it's too late.
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

              Comment

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