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  • Dia Rhea
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Jul 2016
    • 3
    #1

    Praise be!!

    Hello there, my name is Dia. I am so Excited to meet others here who I can talk and share the tyrannical overlord of our kind with. I go to Shiixsville Baptist; I have no favourite verse, as Iove the entire bible.I aim to follow the bible DIRECTLY, unlike some other FAKE CHRISTIANS. I do not mix threads, and I aim to follow it WORD FOR WORD.


    I one day wish to visit the great LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH? Could some of you tell me about it please?
    Bless
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Praise be!!

      Originally posted by Dia Rhea View Post
      I one day wish to visit the great LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH? Could some of you tell me about it please?
      Bless
      I'm happy to tell you about our lovely church, Landover Baptist! It's where the worthwhile worship, and the unsaved are unwelcomed. We here at Landover Baptist Church are a Bible believing, Fundamentalist, Independent Baptist Church. Because we actually believe the Bible, we do exactly what Scripture teaches every Christian to do. And that is to keep the temple of the living God a clean vessel, untarnished by even a hint of fellowship with the unrighteous!
      Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.
      2 John 1:9-11

      Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
      2 Corinthians 6:14-17
      As that includes sassy-mouthed, insolent youth trying to shock decent Christian ladies into clutching our pearls for your amusement, you can either shuffle off to whatever little hidey-hole you've put yourself up for the day, or you can come clean with us and tell us about yourself without the cutesy baby-sized shock. If you repent, there may be hope for you. If you continue playing this fool's game, you will have sealed your fate with eternal Damnation (John 3:18).
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Dia Rhea
          Unsaved trash
          Under Investigation
          • Jul 2016
          • 3
          #3
          Re: Praise be!!

          What about the physical aspect of your church, Mary? Where exactly is it?

          And pray tell, do you enjoy being rude to every new person you meet? I am appalled at your aggressive reply; I am simply here to worship, not to deal with passive agressive woman such as yourself.

            Comment

            • Faith_Machine
              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2011
              • 10050
              #4
              Re: Praise be!!

              Dia, you had better take Mary's advice and repent while you can.
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Jun 2014
                  • 1330
                  #5
                  Re: Praise be!!

                  Originally posted by Dia Rhea View Post
                  What about the physical aspect of your church, Mary? Where exactly is it?

                  And pray tell, do you enjoy being rude to every new person you meet? I am appalled at your aggressive reply; I am simply here to worship, not to deal with passive agressive woman such as yourself.
                  Young lady, Mrs. Etheldreda is a woman of good standing in the church. You would do very well to emulate her behavior. Why are you so concerned though about the physical nature of the church, instead of your own salvation? Your pride is damning you to Hell, unless you repent. Proverbs 16:18 specifically states that "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall". I'd suggest working on yourself before chastising another. "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." says Matthew 7:5, but, because Mrs. Etheldreda is a True Christian, she is Saved, and thus free from sin.


                  You also failed to do ask the administration and good pastors, and tell me about one verse in particular that stands out to you, your walk with Christ, your sins, and yourself, including your family, marital status, ect. Because of this, you are also needing a lesson in obedience to Christ, since the Lord tells you to "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD." in Leviticus 19:32.


                  Sincerely,
                  Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
                  "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

                    Comment

                    • Nobar King
                      Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                      Christ's Guardian
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2007
                      • 23748
                      #6
                      Re: Praise be!!

                      You guys are grossing me out.
                      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                        Comment

                        • Ezekiel Bathfire
                          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                          Christ's Rottweiler
                           
                          • Jan 2008
                          • 22904
                          #7
                          Re: Praise be!!

                          Originally posted by Dia Rhea View Post
                          Hello there, my name is Dia.
                          I one day wish to visit the great LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH? Could some of you tell me about it please?
                          Bless
                          You might like to see our Wikipedia Entry. I apologize that it is the old version but the new version has been vandalized by those who hate Jesus.

                          https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php...ldid=173411728
                          sigpic


                          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                          Author of such illuminating essays as,
                          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                            Comment

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