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Hey y'all!
Hi there,My name is Jacob Albrecht and I am a comedy writer based in Chicago. All of my material is written with the sole purpose of supporting the one true lord and savior, and satirizing all those who doubt His Holiness.
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Re: Hey y'all!
Welcome to our Christian forum, Mr. Albert. I hope your jokes are suitable for a family audience. As you can see from our Good, Clean Christian jokes thread, we don't tolerate racists or homos. Why don't you start off by telling us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is.If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.
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Re: Hey y'all!
Well, a very warm
to you, Mr. Albrecht. We are so pleased that you have found our sacred spot in the vast interwebs galaxy. Thank you for your message of introduction, but I wonder if you would kindly note the following request at the top of the page. I shall include it here, for your benefit:
Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.
I should note that we are here to study the glorious
and to live according to the rules as set out within those blessed pages by the Creator, Almighty 
. Seeking and honoring the 
is our number one priority here at 
. We do hope that you will remember this as you fellowship with us here, at 
.
(Mrs.) Isabella White
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Re: Hey y'all!
Welcome, Jacob. Good to have you here!The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!Comment
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Re: Hey y'all!
Welcome Jacob.
Every person I ever met that was named Jacob was a joo
Most comedians are too and they are really not very funny, mocking people. It is just cruel to make fun of people with diminished capacity that do not hear the calling of Jesus. Instead of putting them down, you need to hold them tight to your bosom and put the Love of God into them. Especially now, in this holiest of seasons when we celebrate the birth of Christ.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: Hey y'all!
On the surface, it seems like your goal is admirable. But, speaking for myself, I have never seen the point of "parody." Why not do what we do here at Landover Baptists? That is, tell atheists and liberals directly they are despicable sinners and will spend eternity in hell.Originally posted by Jacob Albrecht View PostHi there,My name is Jacob Albrecht and I am a comedy writer based in Chicago. All of my material is written with the sole purpose of supporting the one true lord and savior, and satirizing all those who doubt His Holiness.Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.Comment
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Re: Hey y'all!
Welcome Mr Albrecht – As you are from Chicago I hope you survive being shot in some ghetto for long enough to contribute to Landover’s Mission to have the entire world believe the exact Word Of The Only True God as laid down in KJV1611.Originally posted by Jacob Albrecht View Post
Comedy is a useful tool and God employs it in both testaments: In the Old Testament, we have the children being eaten by bears in 2 Kings 2:23-25 - this still makes me smile after all these years - in the same way that Elisha must have smiled at what is now known among young people as "instant karma".
And in the New we have Jesus in Matt 25:27 giving us all a laugh when repeating the stereotype of all Jews being obsessed with money.sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: Hey y'all!
A Christian comedian, you say?
You'll have to forgive me if I'm reluctant to trust you, as the last Christian comedian I had business dealings with was Mike Warnke, and that did not end well.
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