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  • Max Bayes
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Mar 2009
    • 302

    #1

    I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

    You will have to excuse my delay to introducing myself to my brothers here at Landover. My name is Gregg Bayes. Originally, I was brought to this website by an Atheist who had somehow managed to takeover my body and mind. His aim was to make me post slanderous things about Our Saviour. Fortunately, The Lord gave me the strength to smite my foe. Truly, the Lord works in mysterious ways as this Atheist and his Satanic magic has merely brought me closer to God.

    I have been here a while, but just got elevated to Member, so I thought I'd simply offer a greeting to my as-yet-unknown brothers and sisters.
    BEHOLD!!!
    THE BUS TO DAMNATION!
    sigpic
    May Jesus guide this Bus off a cliff and STRAIGHT TO HELL!
  • Glendora Christianson
    Spiritual Mother of LBC
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 2329

    #2
    Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

    Welcome, Gregg! It sounds like your atheist (forgive me Jesus) "friend" is long overdue to have a gun cleaning accident! ANTICIPATING MOTHER GLENDORA
    Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

    Comment

    • Capt. Aaron Portway
      One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
      Salvation from Above
      God's Favorite Pilot™
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2008
      • 6309

      #3
      Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

      Welcome Gregg! Tell us more about your sin-filled life and the various debaucheries you committed before being filled with the Truth and Light that is Jesus Christ!
      sigpic


      Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



      God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



      Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

      Comment

      • Max Bayes
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Mar 2009
        • 302

        #4
        Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

        Alas, Mother Glendora, I live in the Godless U.K.! There are no guns to be cleaned in this God-forsaken land! Do not fret though. I'm sure in time that the Lord will both take vengence on this sinner and disprove his entire lack of belief all in one holy swoop.
        BEHOLD!!!
        THE BUS TO DAMNATION!
        sigpic
        May Jesus guide this Bus off a cliff and STRAIGHT TO HELL!

        Comment

        • D'Arlene Sepkowitz
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Feb 2009
          • 108

          #5
          Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

          Originally posted by Gregg Bayes View Post
          You will have to excuse my delay to introducing myself to my brothers here at Landover. My name is Gregg Bayes. Originally, I was brought to this website by an Atheist who had somehow managed to takeover my body and mind. His aim was to make me post slanderous things about Our Saviour. Fortunately, The Lord gave me the strength to smite my foe. Truly, the Lord works in mysterious ways as this Atheist and his Satanic magic has merely brought me closer to God.

          I have been here a while, but just got elevated to Member, so I thought I'd simply offer a greeting to my as-yet-unknown brothers and sisters.
          Hi Greg! We always welcome unsaved trash who have seen the error of their ways. Please tell us more about yourself. Where do you bank, what are your routing and account numbers? Get the formalities out of the way now so we have time to visit on Sunday.

          Comment

          • Nobar King
            Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
            Christ's Guardian
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2007
            • 23748

            #6
            Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

            Have you lived in England all of your life?
            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78556

              #7
              Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

              Welcome to God's favorite forum, Gregg. I hope you'll look around and find Jesus here. Can I assume that you've read through THIS thread by now?

              Tell me, are you one of those chinless English men who boils his beef and has rotten teeth? We hear a lot about you people over here in God's favorite country. Have you applied for your Godly Green Card yet?
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • Max Bayes
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Mar 2009
                • 302

                #8
                Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

                Indeed I have read the threat, Zeke. Fortunately, I am half of Scandinavian descent, half Irish. Boiling beef, rotten teeth and being sans chin is just an ailment that affects the various plebeians that infest these shores. It is most likely a curse for turning their back on God in so many different ways over the past two millennia that they have lost count. I dream of the day that God smiles on me and sends me my Green Card.

                I lived in England most of my life, yes Nobar. However, I have spent the past few years living in the mountains of Wales. It is the only place I could escape the heretic and the football hooligan. Alas, D'Arlene, the UK is a country so hell bent on political correctness (aka Satan Worship) that my bank account was taken from me, and given to a family of Somali drug dealers that had been illegally smuggled into the country.

                And Capt. Portway, my past sins have been plentiful. But let us not dwell on the past, not when my future with Jesus is so bright!
                BEHOLD!!!
                THE BUS TO DAMNATION!
                sigpic
                May Jesus guide this Bus off a cliff and STRAIGHT TO HELL!

                Comment

                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                  Christ's Rottweiler
                   
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 22885

                  #9
                  Re: I believe I should have made one of these earlier.

                  Originally posted by Gregg Bayes View Post
                  Fortunately, I am half of Scandinavian descent, half Irish.
                  I see nothing "Fortunate" about this
                  […] Alas, D'Arlene, the UK is a country so hell bent on political correctness (aka Satan Worship) that my bank account was taken from me, and given to a family of Somali drug dealers that had been illegally smuggled into the country.
                  Thank you for that witnessing, I hope you see proof absolute of the Presence of God in your post.


                  You are suffering (unto the 10th generation) for the sins of your forefathers – clearly some Godless Swede (how can a nation named after a root vegetable ever be Saved™?) and papist Mick inflicted themselves on England sometime in the 16th century. This is Godly Justice, surely the Somali drug dealer is the modern-day equivalent of your ancestors?
                  sigpic


                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                  Comment

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