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  • #1

    Impure Thoughts

    Hi, everyone!

    I'm new here, so I guess I get the "Unsaved Trash" label.

    But I think I really AM Unsaved Trash.

    You see, ever since I got that advanced degree in Biology from a degenerate University in Cambridge . . .

    Well, really ever since I was about twelve years old . . .

    Well, I guess it all REALLY started when I found out that there is no Santa Claus.

    That's when I realized that when people tell you about invisible magic beings, they're just messing with you.

    So ever since then, whenever I hear the Word of The Lord -- whichever Lord is being quoted -- I fall prey to the following sneaky Impure Thought: "What a load of horse puckey."



    Now, I'm too shy to tell you about my real Impure Thoughts because you're all a bunch of strangers, but what I want to know is this:

    1) Does this make me an atheist?

    2) Would you like to hear about my real Impure Thoughts?



    A True Landover Baptists Fan ~
    Ann
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Impure Thoughts

    Originally posted by Ann View Post
    Disgusting drivel deleted
    You are not only a filthy God-Mocking Atheist but you are also a Wanton Slattern who is going to burn in Hell.
    We have no wish to read about your impure thoughts on these Boards thank you very much Missy.
    However, if you really do wish to share these impure thoughts, may I suggest you contact a Pastor by Email so he can Pray over them?

    Sister Talitha

    Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


    HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
    being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Impure Thoughts

      Why, thank you, Sister Talitha.

      My, you certainly have an impressive title --

      "Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm
      True Christian™ Sister"

      It's so impressive that if it were only half correct, it would be accurate!

      (worried) But what is this "40 points" I was fined? I hope this doesn't mean I am expected to read up on FAQs and Forum Rules and so on -- I was hoping to more or less just wing it.


      I have a follow-up question, if I may:
      Since you channel Impure emails to the Pastors, do you also arrange Private Visitations to discuss Impure Thoughts in person?

      ~ Ann

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Impure Thoughts

        Originally posted by Ann View Post
        Why, thank you, Sister Talitha.

        My, you certainly have an impressive title --

        "Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm
        True Christian™ Sister"

        It's so impressive that if it were only half correct, it would be accurate!

        (worried) But what is this "40 points" I was fined? I hope this doesn't mean I am expected to read up on FAQs and Forum Rules and so on -- I was hoping to more or less just wing it.


        I have a follow-up question, if I may:
        Since you channel Impure emails to the Pastors, do you also arrange Private Visitations to discuss Impure Thoughts in person?

        ~ Ann
        You received a 40 point Infraction because I am that very "Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm
        True Christian™ Sister" you seem to doubt I am.
        Next time it will be a lot more, Missy.

        Our Pastors do NOT receive visitations from Unsaved Trash. You would never get past our Security.
        However, for a modest sum, they will arrange a house visit.

        Sister Talitha

        Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


        HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
        being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Impure Thoughts

          Yes, Deaconess Talitha, I do know WHY I was fined 40 points.

          What I don't know is what it MEANS to be fined 40 points.


          Your interests in both marksmanship and circumcision make you formidable indeed. If I were a man, I'd be concerned that some day you would take it into your head to combine your enthusiasms and shoot it off.

          Ann

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Impure Thoughts

            YAY!

            I voted for 5 stars for myself so everyone would notice me -- and it worked! There's a big bodacious 5 star mark beside this thread!

            I was afraid I wouldn't get any attention except the disapproval of the officials, but now I guess people will be PANTING to read this thread!

            (waving) Hi, everyone!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Impure Thoughts

              Aww.

              A True Christian rained on my Happiness and took me down a peg with One Star. So now my average is only Three.


              [satanic link deleted]

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Impure Thoughts

                Originally posted by Ann View Post
                1) Does this make me an atheist?
                Not unless you hate Jesus.

                Originally posted by Ann View Post
                2) Would you like to hear about my real Impure Thoughts?
                Yes I would.

                Just click on the link at the bottom of my signature. Don't hold back on the details; I am a fully-trained True Christian(tm) Pastor. I've heard it all. Photos a plus.
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Impure Thoughts

                  Along with Pastor Zeke, I too would also like to hear your "impure thoughts". Completely uncensored. You can talk to me freely. I have much experience leading young women to Christ. I myself have a ministry that specializes in young women like yourself (see my signature).

                  Can you tell us more about yourself Ann? Why are you tempted to atheism? Can you post a picture of yourself?

                  Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Impure Thoughts

                    whenever I find impure thoughts leaking in, I remember Psalm 94, which brings me back Home.


                    vw
                    Ezekiel 23:20: For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Impure Thoughts

                      Originally posted by Ann View Post
                      Hi, everyone!

                      I'm new here, so I guess I get the "Unsaved Trash" label.

                      But I think I really AM Unsaved Trash.

                      You see, ever since I got that advanced degree in Biology from a degenerate University in Cambridge . . .

                      Well, really ever since I was about twelve years old . . .

                      Well, I guess it all REALLY started when I found out that there is no Santa Claus.

                      That's when I realized that when people tell you about invisible magic beings, they're just messing with you.

                      So ever since then, whenever I hear the Word of The Lord -- whichever Lord is being quoted -- I fall prey to the following sneaky Impure Thought: "What a load of horse puckey."



                      Now, I'm too shy to tell you about my real Impure Thoughts because you're all a bunch of strangers, but what I want to know is this:

                      1) Does this make me an atheist?

                      2) Would you like to hear about my real Impure Thoughts?



                      A True Landover Baptists Fan ~
                      Ann
                      I'm sure we'd all just love to hear your impure thoughts

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Impure Thoughts

                        Originally posted by virginWhore View Post
                        whenever I find impure thoughts leaking in, I remember Psalm 94, which brings me back Home.


                        vw
                        Interesting signature.

                        Now, Ann, welcome to Jesus' favorite forums! The good Pastors at Landover are fully equipped to deal with your impure thoughts, in person and without restrictions.

                        You have gotten off the a bad start, insulting Sister Talitha on one of our first posts, I suggest you apologize and beg for her forgiveness.

                        I'll pray for you,

                        Robert
                        Cling to your guns and religion. "Change" is here.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Impure Thoughts

                          Did someone say something about Santa Claus?
                          -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
                          -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

                          -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
                          -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
                          -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
                          -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
                          -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

                          STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Impure Thoughts

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                            Don't hold back on the details; I am a fully-trained True Christian™ Pastor. I've heard it all. Photos a plus.
                            Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                            Along with Pastor Zeke, I too would also like to hear your "impure thoughts". Completely uncensored.
                            Oh, this is just too good. I have a pretty good idea of what's going on here.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Impure Thoughts

                              Originally posted by Landrover View Post
                              Oh, this is just too good. I have a pretty good idea of what's going on here.
                              Don't insinuate things that aren't true. We just want to know what's ailing her mind so we can help her. There is no devious plot behind it.
                              Cling to your guns and religion. "Change" is here.

                              Comment

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