My abduction story and a plea for help

[Flat Lander]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ (I hope that's the appropriate way to address all of you loving people who have been so accepting of a poor pathetic former Mormon like me.)

I've really been learning so much since I came here yesterday. I was a Mormon for over 20 years and got out of that terrible cult earlier this year. Unfortunately, I was abducted into a different cult called the Moron Church of Latter-Day Saints. Here's my sad story:

I'm really hoping that the good Christians at the Landover Baptist Church will accept me, despite my very checkered background. I'm trying everything I know how to escape and to repent.

And, I've been told that my avatar looks like a rainbow so boy, I want to get that changed right away, I didn't know rainbows were bad. I had always just thought they were pretty, and a gift from God, kind of a promise that he would never flood the earth and kill everybody, but if they are bad, I don't want one. So, if anybody has any suggestions on what I could do for a new avatar, I'd love to hear them.

I'm desperate for help here. I'm really in a bad way. I didn't know how bad off I was until I came here. You guys have really helped me see the light of the total darkness around me.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

My dear lost soul,


Years of ingesting psycho-tropic drugs with reckless abandon has a nasty way of warping the mind. In your case the negative manifestation of such questionable behaviour has you simultaneously attempting to curry favor with nutter Baptwits here at Landrover in addition to becoming a hostage for some other low-rent cult who couldn't afford a decent legal settlement if their magic underwear depended on it.

If you are serious about seeking a path to the light of love and everlasting salvation that is the teaching of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ I suggest you find a Catholic Church and seek sanctuary post-haste.

You might consider a bath and a good shave or two but notwithstanding your obvious aversion to personal grooming there is a place for you in the house that the Lord built, even if it is a room without a window.

We Catholics have converted worse than you over the years (Tony Blair comes to recent mind) and I have little doubt we can help you find the love of Jesus should you truly seek his grace.



Bless you, My Cheech and Chong out-take,
Father Mo

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

Yea, you papists will take anyone, right? Way to artificially inflate your numbers, "father" Mo.


To our struggling ex-mormon;

We all feel sorry for you, but none of us are prepared to try and outguess Jesus and His loving plans for you. We'll pray for you, but you need to do your part too.

You can start by getting a shave and a haircut.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

My dear lost soul,


Years of ingesting psycho-tropic drugs with reckless abandon has a nasty way of warping the mind. In your case the negative manifestation of such questionable behaviour has you simultaneously attempting to curry favor with nutter Baptwits here at Landrover in addition to becoming a hostage for some other low-rent cult who couldn't afford a decent legal settlement if their magic underwear depended on it.

If you are serious about seeking a path to the light of love and everlasting salvation that is the teaching of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ I suggest you find a Catholic Church and seek sanctuary post-haste.

You might consider a bath and a good shave or two but notwithstanding your obvious aversion to personal grooming there is a place for you in the house that the Lord built, even if it is a room without a window.

We Catholics have converted worse than you over the years (Tony Blair comes to recent mind) and I have little doubt we can help you find the love of Jesus should you truly seek his grace.



Bless you, My Cheech and Chong out-take,
Father Mo

Look here you Papist ,you better clean your own act up first.Molester of children worshiper of SATAN....I suggest you Email the Poop and get rid of all the candles and incense in your churches !

Flat lander came to us to become a True Christian..He was in a cult why in the heck would he want to join another like the cathrelik's..

Flat lander stay far far away from the Mary worshiping Papist dog called Father MO.He is on the log flume to hell ,and he will take anyone he can down with him !

[Flat Lander]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

Dear Father Lester:

I've never talked to a real, honest to goodness, Catholic priest before. I have a couple of questions for you that might help me to find Jesus (I bet you didn't even know he was lost - ha ha ha ha - that's one of my favorite jokes - ha ha ha ha ) anyway, back to reality - in Mormonism that book they call the Book of Mormon says that the Catholic Church is the Great Whore of the Earth. Is that true? How can a church be a whore? Does it have something to do with all the priests and popes and other men wearing dresses? I never understood it, maybe you, as a Catholic could explain it to me.

Also, I heard that popes are infallible, and I always thought that was interesting but it made me wonder, do popes (when they are in their infallible state) still have to pass gas (or what some people call "fart") after they eat cabbage or beanie weenie? And, speaking of eating, do Catholic priests eat babies? And, speaking of beanies, why do priests wear those silly beanies, are they trying to recapture their youth? And, speaking of capturing the youth, why do so many priests . . . well, on second thought, that's probably enough questions for now.

Thank you and I hope you get to kiss the pope's ring some day, I hear that's a big honor. If you ever do get to do that, write back to us here and tell us if it has a flavor. I bet it tastes like grape koolaid, and that's why everybody wants to kiss it.

Bye for now, and thanks for showing Christian (even if it is Catholic-Christian) love for me and interest in me.

Keep working hard and maybe someday you can be pope.

Your new friend,
Flat Lander

[Robert Hutchins]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

The Catholic Church isn't alive, so I doubt it could be much of a whore. Definitely not a satisfying one, anyway.

But don't get ne started on those altar boys.

Welcome to Landover! If you have any questions, let me know, and I'll be happy to help.

Yours in Christ,
Robert

[Flat Lander]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

The Catholic Church isn't alive, so I doubt it could be much of a whore. Definitely not a satisfying one, anyway.

But don't get ne started on those altar boys.

Welcome to Landover! If you have any questions, let me know, and I'll be happy to help.

Yours in Christ,
Robert

Thank you, Mr. Hutchins,

That was so very loving of you. I notice you have a flag as your avatars. I like flags. I sometimes have to do videos for the cult that I'm a member of. The last time they made me do a video I was sitting in front of a flag also. Here's a link.

Anyway, they told me the flag I was sitting in front of was the American Flag of Happiness (or something like that). One of the cult leaders got it when he visited San Francisco, and there were happy, giddy men dancing down the street with these kinds of flags. Maybe American Flag of Happiness isn't the name. Oh, maybe it was the Happy and Giddy Flag of Colors. Well, I don't remember the name of it, but isn't it pretty?

Do you have any other flags?

Thanks for being my new friend. I think you and I are going to get along very nicely together. You seem so friendly and loving and caring and lovely.

Your new friend,
Flat Lander

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

Dear Father Lester:I've never talked to a real, honest to goodness, Catholic priest before.

... and you aren't doing it now.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

...don't get me started on those altar boys.

Indeed.

Word is you can't stop.

We hear about guys like you in confession... the real perverts who then go out and spread unspeakable lies about wholesome, innocent Priests.




Bless you, my Youth Pastor Marty replacement candidate,
Father Mo






.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: My abduction story and a plea for help

Indeed.

Word is you can't stop.

We hear about guys like you in confession... the real perverts who then go out and spread unspeakable lies about wholesome, innocent Priests.




Bless you, my Youth Pastor Marty replacement candidate,
Father Mo






.

If that don't beat all this papist dog calling some one else a pervert