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  • Jebediah Oglethorpe
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Jan 2010
    • 14

    #1

    What I am about which will never change! Praise Christ

    Glory and Hallelujah Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

    Dearly Beloved, I am indeed the Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, called by God to the ministry when I was young 'un growing up in my faithly town of Round O, South Carolina. I attended godly Liberty University, stronghold of True Christian™ magnate Jerry Falwell, a lifelong inspiration for his polemics against homersexuals, pagans, abortionists, feminists, seckular humanists and generally anyone who was against the True Christian™ Faith Agenda©.

    While I was at Liberty I met Faith Hope Winthrop, and after an appropriately-chapuroned courtship we marryed in 1998, just a year before I received my M.Div. from Liberty for my thesis on Joo-ish vampirism. That year of 1999 I returned to Round O, South Carolina to found Round O Faith and Love (R.O.F.L.) Baptist Church.

    Of course, my wife Faith and I got right to work on our Christian duty: God blessed us with a visit from the Stork-Angel on Christmas of 1999, when our son Jebediah Jr. was born. Our sons Obadiah (born 2000) and Habakkuk (born 2002) followed, true blessings from God, and then the Stork-Angel brought us Betty Sue (2003) and Carol Anne (2006).

    Meanwhile, my faithly ministry was growing faster 'n a Mexyrican can jump the fence, if youll pardon my languadge. We added the East Wing in 2004 and contributed to the re-election campaign of the Lord's Anointed©, our faithly ruler George W. Bush against that limp-wristed liberal pantywaist Kerry.

    Reverend Oglethorpe Ministries launched in 2002, specializing in faithly True Christian™ products such as Gay-Detection, Exorcism, and Witch-Hunting Kits, as well as merchandise and memorabilia with the R.O.F.L. Baptist© and Reverend Oglethorpe© logos.

    Meanwhile, I was writing faithly books as fast as my Godly fingers could type! My titles include: "Practical Tips on Ministry to Less-Gifted Races"; "Laying Hands on the Afflicted: Exorcising the Demons of Homosexuality from Troubled Youth"; "Bloodsuckers: How Jews, Homosexuals, and Godless Liberals are Destroying America"; "Infidels: The Threat To America From Religious Fanatics Trying to Subdue the Whole World in the Name of Their God and His Ancient Holy Book--Muslims, of Course" ; "The Justice of God: How People Deserve to Be Cast Into Hell By God" and, forthcoming, "The Ministry of the Southern Plantations: How Godly Southern Planters Taught the Gospel of Christ and the Value of Work to the Grateful Negroes." I disckovered that my ancestor Charles Winchester Oglethorpe started the Oglethorpe family in the faithly endeavor of Southern plantation outreach in the 1830s, paying his own hard-earned money so that heathen and indolent Negroes coud come to work for him--all they had to do was pick rice, and in exchange they learned the value of hard work and most importantly, became Saved©!

    Recently I've become alarmed, however, at the direction America is headed in. For eight years God blessed us with His Anointed©, George W. Bush, and America had success in war against jibbry-jabberey Mudslimes abroad and in combating the evil forces of seckular libralism at home Now, howevr, America has elected Kenyan-borne mudslime OBAMA as president and he seems heck-bent on taring up our Godly foundations and turning this country into a welfare sow for indolent minoryties! Accordingly, I decided to launch my very own Facebook ministry to take back the inter-webs for Christ. At the same time, R.O.F.L. is expanding its Outreach to Less-Gifted Races and Bible Tracts for the Homeless campaigns (the Bible tracts are printed on non-flammable paper so the hobo's dont' burn them in marryjoanna joints!).

    I was invited to this faithly inter-web forum by Pastor Ezekiel Flint, a Godly True Christian™ man of Christ. I look forward to sharing with you all the fruits of my labors both in person and on the inter-web.

    Glory to the name of Christ!
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22867

    #2
    Re: What I am about which will never change! Praise Christ

    Originally posted by Jebediah Oglethorpe View Post
    [...]I was invited to this faithly inter-web forum by Pastor Ezekiel Flint,[...]
    Did Pastor Flint mention anything about smilies?
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

    Comment

    • LittleMissV
      Forum Member
      Forum Member
      • Jan 2010
      • 71

      #3
      Re: What I am about which will never change! Praise Christ

      I find the emoticons rather confusing, but what a wonderful story. Preach Our Holy Father™'s love!

      Comment

      • Jebediah Oglethorpe
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Jan 2010
        • 14

        #4
        Re: What I am about which will never change! Praise Christ

        I am still knew to the inter-web; my apolodgies if the emotional iconisms were too much! Glory!

        Comment

        • GodIsAlmighty
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 184

          #5
          Re: What I am about which will never change! Praise Christ

          Indeed. welcome, reverend. Tell me; Do you get good laughs at the ROFL Baptist church? I know we do here!
          Follow me on Thefacebook! http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...00000884272376

          Comment

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