[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

This is a useless fantasy on your part, as you have already deflowered yourself. To be blunt (and somewhat graphic -- may GOD forgive me), riding a motorbike is akin to riding a horse: neither activity is suitable for young unmarried ladies, as such activities always cause a rupturing of the hymen (I know this to be true as it makes perfect sense to me). This should not be confused with rapturing of the hymen, which is what happens when one submits oneself to her husband on her wedding night.

You are second-hand goods, dear. Best you commit to a life of repentant celibacy, begging JESUS for forgiveness at every opportunity.

But Mrs Rogers.

My father will vouch for my virginity.

Deuteronomy 22:13-18

“If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’ then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate. And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her; and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter's virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city.

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

It is not like I have been riding all my life. Daddy bought me a Dyna Lowrider for my 30th birthday. I have upgraded a few times over the last 17 years since then tho.

But I promise you I have never ridden a Japanese bike or any other chink brand.

No one and no thing has ever entered me down below.

With my hand on the KJV 1611 I swear that I am still a virgin.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: God rides a Harley

With my hand on the KJV 1611 I swear that I am still a virgin.

Then why are you own quotes not even from the KJV1611 .

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: God rides a Harley

No one has ever called me a whore before.

That's because the jaded, Godless bikers you cavort with are so desensitized to whoredom it is hardly worth them mentioning.

Ezekiel 16:30-36 (King James Version 1611)

30How weak is thine heart, saith the LORD GOD, seeing thou doest all these things, the work of an imperious whorish woman;

31In that thou buildest thine eminent place in the head of every way, and makest thine high place in every street; and hast not been as an harlot, in that thou scornest hire;

32But as a wife that committeth adultery, which taketh strangers instead of her husband!

33They give gifts to all whores: but thou givest thy gifts to all thy lovers, and hirest them, that they may come unto thee on every side for thy whoredom.

34And the contrary is in thee from other women in thy whoredoms, whereas none followeth thee to commit whoredoms: and in that thou givest a reward, and no reward is given unto thee, therefore thou art contrary.

35Wherefore, O harlot, hear the word of the LORD:
36Thus saith the Lord GOD; Because thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations, and by the blood of thy children, which thou didst give unto them;

Hosea 2:12 (King James Version 1611)

12And I will destroy her vines and her fig trees, whereof she hath said, These are my rewards that my lovers have given me: and I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall eat them.

Ezekiel 16:43 (King James Version 1611)

43Because thou hast not remembered the days of thy youth, but hast fretted me in all these things; behold, therefore I also will recompense thy way upon thine head, saith the Lord GOD: and thou shalt not commit this lewdness above all thine abominations.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: God rides a Harley

No one and no thing has ever entered me down below.

What about Jesus? You must let him touch you deeply and enter your heart for you to be ridden of sin.
Timothy 1:15
This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

Then why are you own quotes not even from the KJV1611 .

Because after being passed down from generation to generation of good Christians in my lineage it has become a tad tatty after 399 year of continuous reading.

As the oldest child and the fair maiden I have been blessed to have the genuine 1611 version in my possession.

My quotes are from memory. My Daddy used to make me spend 4 hours before breakfast in my prayer closet reading from Gods Holy Word. Because of my Tourettes Syndrome I got very confuddled with all the thees and thous and thou arts, so Daddy allowed me to quote the verses in today's language.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: God rides a Harley

You are not allowed or supposed to make your own version of the Holy Bible. You should use the pure unaltered original text!

In case you need the precise text online, you can use this: http://www.biblegateway.com/versions...ion-KJV-Bible/

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

You are not allowed or supposed to make your own version of the Holy Bible. You should use the pure unaltered original text!

In case you need the precise text online, you can use this: http://www.biblegateway.com/versions...ion-KJV-Bible/

An electronic King James version?

Oh my golly gosh. I hope Daddy never finds about this.

He will be very saddened by the modernisation of Christianity.

I hope the shock doesn't cause him to have another stroke.

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

You are very kind Cranky Old Man. Thank you for showing me the way. I am wondering whether you can assist me some more. Both Pastor Ezekial and Billy Bob Jenkins believe that I am a whore.

With my Pappy being a man of the cloth I therefore must seek appropriate punishment per
Leviticus 21:9 (King James Version)


9And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.


Mr Cranky. Does this mean burning at the stake? I have chosen a box of fire starters. I thought this the most appropriate brand ...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: God rides a Harley

Because after being passed down from generation to generation of good Christians in my lineage it has become a tad tatty after 399 year of continuous reading.

As the oldest child and the fair maiden I have been blessed to have the genuine 1611 version in my possession.

Don't come in here telling lies like that. Jesus hates a liar.

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

Don't come in here telling lies like that. Jesus hates a liar.

What can I say. I am but a sinner. And an old barren maid. I humbly request you pray for my soul Pastor Ezekiel. And advise by what method I must burn myself.

James 5:16 (King James Version)


16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: God rides a Harley

And advise by what method I must burn myself.

God does not want suicide. You have to accept whatever suffering He decides you deserve.

[Warner S. Davidson]

Re: God rides a Harley

This is a useless fantasy on your part, as you have already deflowered yourself. To be blunt (and somewhat graphic -- may GOD forgive me), riding a motorbike is akin to riding a horse: neither activity is suitable for young unmarried ladies, as such activities always cause a rupturing of the hymen (I know this to be true as it makes perfect sense to me). .

I agree with Mrs Rogers on this one Charli. It is only a natural progession that Hymen damage should occur when asride an angy, powerful and rigid beast of steel.

A great many lasses have had their virginity comprimised from riding Harleys. As luck would have it my first 2 wives were discovered not to be virgins. Initially I was very angry but upon confrontation I learned that both had encountered the same bad luck to have been deflowered in the aforementioned manner.

When this was explained to me and I was both relieved and satisfied with their account of them not being virgins

What a coincidence though ??? Oh well that must be the will of Jesus and God

[Saint Clem]

Re: God rides a Harley

I shall pray fervently for Charli Harley, she does seem a tad confused at the moment.

Do the words Hymen and Hymn have the same etymology?

[Sister Charli]

Re: God rides a Harley

God does not want suicide. You have to accept whatever suffering He decides you deserve.

I thank you most sincerely Grumpy Old man.

I spent many hours this morn locked in my prayer closet praying for the right scripture.

The Lord replied ....
Proverbs 5:15 (King James Version)


15Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.


So for the next 7 days I will pray and fast and drink water from the toilet bowl only.