Hello Landover

[Annie1]

Hi Landover Baptist! My name is Anne and I'm 16 years old. My daddy monitors my use of the internet pretty strictly but this Godly site is one he lets me visit without even standing over my shoulder to watch. After weeks of begging and doing extra chores he finally allowed me to register.

We are from Tennessee and attend the Oak Ridge Baptist Church, and me and my brothers are homeschooled by my momma. My daddy does some important secret type work for the government, he's not allowed to talk about it.

My hobbies are making hooked rugs, bird watching and baking! I can make all sorts of baked stuff but my favorite one to make is apple cake. I also like to help take care of my little baby brother, he was just born a month ago. Hopefully soon my daddy will find a good Christian man that I can marry, I think I'll make a great mom.

My favorite Bible verse Psalm 23:

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

[Sister Charli]

Re: Hello Landover

Hello Anne and welcome to God's favourite forum.

How blessed you are to have such a lovely family and good Baptist parents.

God bless,
Sister Charli.

[Lisa H]

Re: Hello Landover

Welcome to the Forum Annie. Your father should still watch over you in case you stumble on to something that maybe inappropriate.

[self_abusing_sinner]

Re: Hello Landover

Hi Anne, welcome to Landover Baptist Church,

I speak for all the men in their fifties and sixties here, who would to see you starting pumping out Soldiers for Christ as soon as possible, several of them are interested in you already (find you very tempting, very tempting indeed), and our very own Pastor, a shining example for the community, married at twenty-three-year old when he was sixty-four himself, so if you are looking for a genuine baptist experience you need look no further, and many of these guys are willing to jump on their mopeds to go see you, or at least meet you halfway there, and they are all guaranteed ex-mastubators so you don't have to worry about cleaning the linen too often, so long as you keep his belt oiled and the rivets on it to a high shine so he can punish you whenever you speak out of line, and start hitting your unborn baby three months before it's born, in your belly, to give it a taste of what's to come so it's not so much of a schock, being brought up in the Lord, Landover Baptist Style(tm).

Someone here can explain if I've gotten it wrong, and if so, what, I am sure they are all eager to explain to you what baptist life is REALLY like at Landover.

Also, are you black? That might course a few problems, so that instead of being welcomed into the community you will become a slave. Anyway think about, the Church(tm) here is open to everyone and you're most welcome, we're all MORE than happy to have you.

Regards,

sas, speaking on behalf of the True Christians(tm) here.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello Landover

I don't know anyone who drives a moped.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Landover

Welcome to God's favorite forum, young lady. Please ignore unsaved scum like SAS, as they are sent here by satan to mock Jesus and spit in His loving face.

What's your best pie?

Does your father have a good Christian man lined up to be your Husband yet? You should be popping out future soldiers for Christ by now.


If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Hello Landover

Hi Anne, welcome to Landover Baptist Church,

I speak for all the men in their fifties and sixties here, who would to see you starting pumping out Soldiers for Christ as soon as possible, several of them are interested in you already (find you very tempting, very tempting indeed), and our very own Pastor, a shining example for the community, married at twenty-three-year old when he was sixty-four himself, so if you are looking for a genuine baptist experience you need look no further, and many of these guys are willing to jump on their mopeds to go see you, or at least meet you halfway there, and they are all guaranteed ex-mastubators so you don't have to worry about cleaning the linen too often, so long as you keep his belt oiled and the rivets on it to a high shine so he can punish you whenever you speak out of line, and start hitting your unborn baby three months before it's born, in your belly, to give it a taste of what's to come so it's not so much of a schock, being brought up in the Lord, Landover Baptist Style™.

Someone here can explain if I've gotten it wrong, and if so, what, I am sure they are all eager to explain to you what baptist life is REALLY like at Landover.

Also, are you black? That might course a few problems, so that instead of being welcomed into the community you will become a slave. Anyway think about, the Church™ here is open to everyone and you're most welcome, we're all MORE than happy to have you.

Regards,

sas, speaking on behalf of the True Christians™ here.

I can't believe you are such a flagrant pedophile, SAS. I'm reporting you to the authorities for internet stalking of a 16 year old girl, and soliciting her for sex.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Hello Landover

Hi Landover Baptist! My name is Anne and I'm 16 years old. My daddy monitors my use of the internet pretty strictly but this Godly site is one he lets me visit without even standing over my shoulder to watch. After weeks of begging and doing extra chores he finally allowed me to register.

Hello Annie, we have another member about your age, perhaps you can be friends.

We are from Tennessee and attend the Oak Ridge Baptist Church, and me and my brothers are homeschooled by my momma. My daddy does some important secret type work for the government, he's not allowed to talk about it.

Well I can tell you're home schooled as you have a grasp of American language, something severely lacking in the public school system..

My hobbies are making hooked rugs, bird watching and baking! I can make all sorts of baked stuff but my favorite one to make is apple cake. I also like to help take care of my little baby brother, he was just born a month ago. Hopefully soon my daddy will find a good Christian man that I can marry, I think I'll make a great mom.

So when you make your apple cake, do you use sliced apples or apple sauce? Personally I prefer apple sauce. Have you many younger siblings that you have been capable of practicing your mothering skills on?

My favorite Bible verse Psalm 23:

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Well that's a wonderful passage.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Hello Landover

Annie1, we have a great youth program at Landover Baptist. You can learn all you need to know about life if you join to this church.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Hello Landover

Hi Anne, welcome to Landover Baptist Church,

I speak for all the men in their fifties and sixties here, who would to see you starting pumping out Soldiers for Christ as soon as possible, several of them are interested in you already (find you very tempting, very tempting indeed), and our very own Pastor, a shining example for the community, married at twenty-three-year old when he was sixty-four himself, so if you are looking for a genuine baptist experience you need look no further, and many of these guys are willing to jump on their mopeds to go see you, or at least meet you halfway there, and they are all guaranteed ex-mastubators so you don't have to worry about cleaning the linen too often, so long as you keep his belt oiled and the rivets on it to a high shine so he can punish you whenever you speak out of line, and start hitting your unborn baby three months before it's born, in your belly, to give it a taste of what's to come so it's not so much of a schock, being brought up in the Lord, Landover Baptist Style™.

Someone here can explain if I've gotten it wrong, and if so, what, I am sure they are all eager to explain to you what baptist life is REALLY like at Landover.

Also, are you black? That might course a few problems, so that instead of being welcomed into the community you will become a slave. Anyway think about, the Church™ here is open to everyone and you're most welcome, we're all MORE than happy to have you.

Regards,

sas, speaking on behalf of the True Christians™ here.

Annie please ignore this perverted piece of unsaved trash, he has no right to speak for any True Christians(TM).

I'm not sure why the pastors are letting him hang around. He will hit on you, and when you reject him (as any Godly woman would) he will turn nasty on you and accuse you of all sorts of disgusting things. Perhaps it's a test of your Godly fortitude.

Anyway, welcome

[landoverlover]

Re: Hello Landover

My daddy monitors my use of the internet pretty strictly but this Godly site is one he lets me visit without even standing over my shoulder to watch. After weeks of begging and doing extra chores he finally allowed me to register.

My daddy does some important secret type work for the government, he's not allowed to talk about it.


Honey, I know that Daddy didn't tell you EXACTLY what kind of gubmint work he does, but is it possibly related to the child protective services area or in your local police department? Not that it matters, of course, just wondering....

[Annie1]

Re: Hello Landover

Wow! Thank you everyone for the warm welcome!

Welcome to the Forum Annie. Your father should still watch over you in case you stumble on to something that maybe inappropriate.

Inappropriate? I've noticed that all the inappropriate posters here are marked pretty well so I know who I shouldn't be listening to. Still when daddy can't monitor my interweb times my older brother does.

Hi Anne, welcome to Landover Baptist Church,

I speak for all the men in their fifties and sixties here, who would to see you starting pumping out Soldiers for Christ as soon as possible, several of them are interested in you already (find you very tempting, very tempting indeed), and our very own Pastor, a shining example for the community, married at twenty-three-year old when he was sixty-four himself, so if you are looking for a genuine baptist experience you need look no further, and many of these guys are willing to jump on their mopeds to go see you, or at least meet you halfway there, and they are all guaranteed ex-mastubators so you don't have to worry about cleaning the linen too often, so long as you keep his belt oiled and the rivets on it to a high shine so he can punish you whenever you speak out of line, and start hitting your unborn baby three months before it's born, in your belly, to give it a taste of what's to come so it's not so much of a schock, being brought up in the Lord, Landover Baptist Style™.

Someone here can explain if I've gotten it wrong, and if so, what, I am sure they are all eager to explain to you what baptist life is REALLY like at Landover.

Also, are you black? That might course a few problems, so that instead of being welcomed into the community you will become a slave. Anyway think about, the Church™ here is open to everyone and you're most welcome, we're all MORE than happy to have you.

Regards,

sas, speaking on behalf of the True Christians™ here.

You're banned so what you say is most likely total rubbish.

Welcome to God's favorite forum, young lady. Please ignore unsaved scum like SAS, as they are sent here by satan to mock Jesus and spit in His loving face.

What's your best pie?

Does your father have a good Christian man lined up to be your Husband yet? You should be popping out future soldiers for Christ by now.


If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Hello Pastor! It is truly an honor to be welcomed by you.

My best pie is called "Paradise Pumpkin Pie", there's a layer of cheesecake underneath a layer of pumpkin pie. The men of my family like it so much I have to make three at thanksgiving because my Uncle Benny likes to have one of my pies all to himself.

Here's a picture! This one isn't mine but mine looks just like it.



There are lots of boys that go to my church but my daddy is pretty picky and a lot of them are lazy layabouts that play on this thing called a "Gamestation" a lot. I'm not supposed to talk to them. I hope that my daddy finds somebody really soon though

Thank you for all the links, they are very useful!

Hello Annie, we have another member about your age, perhaps you can be friends.


Well I can tell you're home schooled as you have a grasp of American language, something severely lacking in the public school system..


So when you make your apple cake, do you use sliced apples or apple sauce? Personally I prefer apple sauce. Have you many younger siblings that you have been capable of practicing your mothering skills on?


Well that's a wonderful passage.

Thank you miss BeliverinGod. My mommy says that I'm very smart for a girl. My best subject of course is Home Ec. I heard that in public school they're not even allowed to take Home Ec. any more!

Apple cake is made with layers of sliced apples and layers of cake. It's really labor intensive to make so I only do a few times a year. (Usually when the apples are in season so I can pick them myself in my friend's orchard).

I've heard apple sauce can be used in place of eggs or oil? I bet that tastes really yummy!

Annie1, we have a great youth program at Landover Baptist. You can learn all you need to know about life if you join to this church.

What do I have to do to join? I bet daddy would love the whole family to become members, there are far too many pretend Christians in our church. We aren't from Freehold though

Annie please ignore this perverted piece of unsaved trash, he has no right to speak for any True Christians™.

I'm not sure why the pastors are letting him hang around. He will hit on you, and when you reject him (as any Godly woman would) he will turn nasty on you and accuse you of all sorts of disgusting things. Perhaps it's a test of your Godly fortitude.

Anyway, welcome

How can he hit me over the internets mister Seth? I don't understand.

Honey, I know that Daddy didn't tell you EXACTLY what kind of gubmint work he does, but is it possibly related to the child protective services area or in your local police department? Not that it matters, of course, just wondering....

Well he goes to a big building every day and sometimes he has to travel to the nations capitol... I'm sorry but that's all I know

[Sister Charli]

Re: Hello Landover

Oh that pie sounds so yummy Annie.

Bless your daddy. Bless your dad ..... <sob>

Sweetie. Make the most of every day you have with your father.

[Disciple Luke]

Re: Hello Landover

hello Annie.

Praise God that you have such a loving Christian family.

And that you love children.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hello Landover

Oh that pie sounds so yummy Annie.

Bless your daddy. Bless your dad ..... <sob>

Sweetie. Make the most of every day you have with your father.

Do not bottle it up Sister Charli, it is good to let it out, and remember I have made it perfectly clear I will help you get through this anyway that I can.