Are you ready for His return?

[Second Coming]

You better hope so. Get saved! The Rapture is near and Jesus is pissed.

Hi, my name is James.
Saved since 93'.
Attend East Olds Baptist Church in Olds, Alberta.
Currently working on forming a Republican party in Canada.
I like studying Revelation, working out and shooting guns.
I have a sweet bunker loaded with food and weapons, ready to battle the demons when He returns.

"And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works." Revelation 2:23

If anyone needs tips of preparing for end times, let me know. I'm here to help build Christ's army.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

You better hope so. Get saved! The Rapture is near and Jesus is pissed.

Hi, my name is James.
Saved since 93'.
Attend East Olds Baptist Church in Olds, Alberta.
Currently working on forming a Republican party in Canada.
I like studying Revelation, working out and shooting guns.
I have a sweet bunker loaded with food and weapons, ready to battle the demons when He returns.

"And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works." Revelation 2:23

If anyone needs tips of preparing for end times, let me know. I'm here to help build Christ's army.

Welcome friend! I like your enthusiasm, but I have some bad news. You're not Saved. I'm not saying your heart isn't in the right place, but since you're not a member of OUR church, you are still hellbound.

Now, Jesus DID send you to our forum so you do have a chance at Salvation. Don't blow it, be respectful of your betters, start a tithing regimen, and take it easy on the "end of the world" stuff. Let the Pastors here take care of the heavy lifting on Jesus' imminent return! Praise!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

You do know the bunker will only serve to show God you are hiding from Him? His wrath will be quick and sure.

I plan to be on top of a mountain, I want to be one of the first He takes.

[MissionaryOnAMission]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

You do know the bunker will only serve to show God you are hiding from Him? His wrath will be quick and sure.

I plan to be on top of a mountain, I want to be one of the first He takes.

Absolutely James!

I want to be out in the open and as high as I can be so that the Good Lord knows that I am ready to come home to him. He is good and he is our savior. For Jesus Christ will show us the way to Heaven.

Praise Jesus

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Welcome friend! I like your enthusiasm, but I have some bad news. You're not Saved. I'm not saying your heart isn't in the right place, but since you're not a member of OUR church, you are still hellbound.

Now, Jesus DID send you to our forum so you do have a chance at Salvation. Don't blow it, be respectful of your betters, start a tithing regimen, and take it easy on the "end of the world" stuff. Let the Pastors here take care of the heavy lifting on Jesus' imminent return! Praise!

Thanks Capt.

I'm beginning to realize the only true way into His arms is through this Church. I've even been contemplating moving to Iowa to be closer. I hope to show you all that I am a worthy member of Christ's army.

Right now, I give 10% of my income to my local church, but am more than willing to setup a PayPal account to redirect that to the Landover Baptist Church.

Btw, if you need any guns or weightlifting tips, hit me up.

Do you also dream regularly of throwing down with demons? I've got some sick boxing skills I can't wait to unleash.

By the way of Christ.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Thanks Capt.

I'm beginning to realize the only true way into His arms is through this Church. I've even been contemplating moving to Iowa to be closer. I hope to show you all that I am a worthy member of Christ's army.

Right now, I give 10% of my income to my local church, but am more than willing to setup a PayPal account to redirect that to the Landover Baptist Church.

Btw, if you need any guns or weightlifting tips, hit me up.

Do you also dream regularly of throwing down with demons? I've got some sick boxing skills I can't wait to unleash.

By the way of Christ.

Welcome Brother!

We can worry about the tithing situation later, and let us also not make any plans about moving to Iowa until the DOF fully investigates your situation. Actually, the most important thing to deal with right now is your signature. Jesus reads our forum, and he despises potty talk.

Please edit your signature to something a bit less nasty. What about "STUFF is about to get Biblical" or THINGS are about to get Holy", something along those lines maybe?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Btw, if you need any guns or weightlifting tips, hit me up.

From a Canadian?

Very well, what do you carry on a day to day bases friend? Let us see how firmly Jesus guides your hand.

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

You do know the bunker will only serve to show God you are hiding from Him? His wrath will be quick and sure.

I plan to be on top of a mountain, I want to be one of the first He takes.

Absolutely James!

I want to be out in the open and as high as I can be so that the Good Lord knows that I am ready to come home to him. He is good and he is our savior. For Jesus Christ will show us the way to Heaven.

Praise Jesus

I think you're misunderstanding. My bunker is merely a place to stockpile weapons to help arm fellow members of Christ's army.

I very well intend to be right beside Him, laying waste to the demons of satan's army. There will be no hiding.

You say you want to be first taken? That's very cool.

Me, I'm banking on being the last one. I want to be that guy fighting to the very end, veins bulging, screaming in His name, mercilessly laying waste to the vast demon horde with my mini-gun. And when it appears I am outnumbered by the onslaught of satan's army, Jesus will then raise me up into his arms of Salvation, and finish the job as He intends.

I yearn for His return. I weep for the unsaved.

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Welcome Brother!

We can worry about the tithing situation later, and let us also not make any plans about moving to Iowa until the DOF fully investigates your situation. Actually, the most important thing to deal with right now is your signature. Jesus reads our forum, and he despises potty talk.

Please edit your signature to something a bit less nasty. What about "STUFF is about to get Biblical" or THINGS are about to get Holy", something along those lines maybe?

Thank you brother.

I apologize for the foul language. I'm just so fired up for His return. I will change it to something more acceptable as you have recommended. You have a great way with words. I am inspired. I thank you.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Thank you brother.

I apologize for the foul language. I'm just so fired up for His return. I will change it to something more acceptable as you have recommended. You have a great way with words. I am inspired. I thank you.

Thank you for doing that my friend. Now, tell us a bit more about yourself. Are you married? How many sons have you produced for the coming tribulation? We know about your keen interest in firearms and physical fitness, but what about your soul? How did the Lord come into your life? Did you live a life of sin and depravity in the past perhaps?

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

From a Canadian?

Very well, what do you carry on a day to day bases friend? Let us see how firmly Jesus guides your hand.

In reality, I'm quite embarrassed to be a Canadian. Our fag loving government...........weak immigration laws.............feminist promoting agenda.........gun control. Makes me sick.

I'm a Republican at heart and have spent some time attempting to organize a formal Republican branch here in my town. It's a tough task though - it seems the majority of my countrymen are nothing but a bunch of spineless, Godless liberals.

Due to strict gun laws, I'm forced to keep an underground stockpile. Although illegal, I do carry a concealed snub nose .38 in my right cowboy boot. You just can't be too careful. There are a lot of dirty smelly arabs around, and there's no way I'm going to let some Taliban take me down before His return. Know what I mean?

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Thank you for doing that my friend. Now, tell us a bit more about yourself. Are you married? How many sons have you produced for the coming tribulation? We know about your keen interest in firearms and physical fitness, but what about your soul? How did the Lord come into your life? Did you live a life of sin and depravity in the past perhaps?

Unfortunately I'm not married as of yet. I am courting a Godly woman right now and hope it leads to good things. I've spent so much time concerned with His return I'm afraid I've neglected by duty of fathering sons. Believe me, this will change!

I was in fact a sinner........bathed in the evil of satan. My teenage years were wasted playing video games, listening to devil music and trying to fit in with the hethens. Even though I was enveloped in such a life, I somehow knew there was something more, something yet undiscovered - my true purpose.

It wasn't until my early twenties that I was blessed to have come unto Jesus. Through an association of a friend, I was given a chance at redemption. I began attending church and learning the word of God. Since that time, I have spent most of my resources preparing for the coming Rapture, spreading the word of His return.

My parents and siblings are all atheist scum, destined for an eternity of anguish and I have had to remove myself from all contact. I tried to help them, but they would have nothing to do with Jesus. Somehow I found strength in His words; enough to leave my family behind. May God have mercy on their souls. I am at peace with the idea that when He returns, I may in fact be required to battle my ex-family.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

I think you're misunderstanding. My bunker is merely a place to stockpile weapons to help arm fellow members of Christ's army.

While I agree with your passion for guns and ammo and such, when the moment comes be prepared to drop your weapons and achieve Eternal Glory!

"For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Thessalonians 5:9)

As for fighting demons, well, I think we all know what their reward is:

"And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him." (Revelation 12:9)

You don't want to be on Earth.

You have nothing to worry about, friend!


PRAISE!!!

YiC,

The Vicar

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Unfortunately I'm not married as of yet. I am courting a Godly woman right now and hope it leads to good things. I've spent so much time concerned with His return I'm afraid I've neglected by duty of fathering sons. Believe me, this will change!

I was in fact a sinner........bathed in the evil of satan. My teenage years were wasted playing video games, listening to devil music and trying to fit in with the hethens. Even though I was enveloped in such a life, I somehow knew there was something more, something yet undiscovered - my true purpose.

It wasn't until my early twenties that I was blessed to have come unto Jesus. Through an association of a friend, I was given a chance at redemption. I began attending church and learning the word of God. Since that time, I have spent most of my resources preparing for the coming Rapture, spreading the word of His return.

My parents and siblings are all atheist scum, destined for an eternity of anguish and I have had to remove myself from all contact. I tried to help them, but they would have nothing to do with Jesus. Somehow I found strength in His words; enough to leave my family behind. May God have mercy on their souls. I am at peace with the idea that when He returns, I may in fact be required to battle my ex-family.

Well Brother, you still have time, but do not dally, the Lord needs plenty of good, fit, lithe, attractive young men to spread His word.

As an Ex-Gay©, I am just as attracted to women as the next straight man, but that does not mean I do not understand why the Lord favors men. Women are weak, fragile, and oddly off putting most of the time. But men, especially young men, fill my heart with a great appreciation for the work of the Lord.

But I digress. Just find yourself a tolerable True Christian™ woman and do as God commands. Marry her, then quickly lie with her that she may carry your manly seed, and be done with it. Unfortunately, you will have to lie with her at least once for each child you wish to produce. A bother? Yes. But who are we to question the will of God.

[Second Coming]

Re: Are you ready for His return?

Well Brother, you still have time, but do not dally, the Lord needs plenty of good, fit, lithe, attractive young men to spread His word.

As an Ex-Gay©, I am just as attracted to women as the next straight man, but that does not mean I do not understand why the Lord favors men. Women are weak, fragile, and oddly off putting most of the time. But men, especially young men, fill my heart with a great appreciation for the work of the Lord.

But I digress. Just find yourself a tolerable True Christian™ woman and do as God commands. Marry her, then quickly lie with her that she may carry you manly seed, and be done with it. Unfortunately, you will have to lie with her at least once for each child you wish to produce. A bother? Yes. But who are we to question the will of God.

I appreciate your kind words of encouragement Professor.

Like you, I too find women to be a bother most of the time. Aside from carrying my seed to bare sons of God and baking pies, I don't find much use in them. But as you've so righteously noted, "Who are we to question the will of God?".

A question for you sir:

How many times do I have to ask a woman to do something before I must resort to physical violence? I really don't like repeating myself, and feel that time could be better served following His word.