Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud?

[Faith_Machine]

I live here on the West Coast, which I am sure will soon be inundated with radiation as a result of the nuclear "disasters" in Japan.

This is clearly because God will remove His protecting hand from us in order to make His opinion known regarding the adultery, sodomy, Onanism, and "free thinking" which characterize the state of California.

Here is my dilemma, though: I have a relative who is a lay employee of a local Catholic church. Now I'm sure I don't need to tell you what God had to say about the Catholics, because He states very unequivocally that it is His infallible word, and not any "infallible" Polish man that will guide us:

Galatians 1:8–9


8 But even if we or qan angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, rlet him be accursed. 9 As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, rlet him be accursed.

Back to the subject of my relative: He tells me his papist brethren foolishly believe their faith in various saints and their magic incantations and rituals will protect them from the radiation, and that they therefore don't need to be taking iodine tablets.

I feel my cousin is on the verge of a breakthrough, because he does not share their confidence. We have therefore been working out the logistics of a scheme whereby he will secretly impregnate the church's communion wine and holy water with iodine, sprinkle iodine powder on the so-called "host" or pita bread thingies they eat.

I felt called upon to do this, because those papists, though deceived by false teachings, are admirable for their rejection of sinful practices like masturbation, sodomy, and chewing tobacco.

Surely such chaste and right-living individuals deserve some small bit of protection?

My concern, however, is that I might be wrongfully depriving them of the opportunity to grow and learn from God's judgment, or worse yet, enabling them to continue with the delusion that it was the Pope and their voodoo spells that saved them from the radiation.

My cousin is all set to implement this plan, and I honestly don't know if I could stop him at this point.

I have prayed and prayed about this, but I only feel more conflicted with each passing hour!

Please, somebody, tell me what to do!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Is that what passes as an introduction among you papists?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Pastor Ezekiel, I thought I made it quite clear that I am not a papist. And the fellow I mentioned is my cousin by marriage, so you may rest assured my blood does not contain the taint of papist DNA.

Not that I accept the "evil"utionist party line about the existence of DNA, mind you, but it is a handy metaphor.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Pastor Ezekiel, I thought I made it quite clear that I am not a papist. And the fellow I mentioned is my cousin by marriage, so you may rest assured my blood does not contain the taint of papist DNA.

Not that I accept the "evil"utionist party line about the existence of DNA, mind you, but it is a handy metaphor.

Do you know what the word "introduction" means? You're supposed to tell us about yourself, your church, and your relationship with Jesus. If you want to whine about your papist relatives, take it up with your own pastor.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Pastor Ezekiel, I thought I made it quite clear that I am not a papist. And the fellow I mentioned is my cousin by marriage, so you may rest assured my blood does not contain the taint of papist DNA.

Not that I accept the "evil"utionist party line about the existence of DNA, mind you, but it is a handy metaphor.

Well before we discuss your negra friend's scheme to save the world from God's Plan, let's talk a bit about God's Plan for you. Tell us about yourself. Are you married? How many little Christian soldier boys has your wife borne you? How old are they? How old are you? Do your boys ever attend out of state Bible Camps?

I just know Jesus has led you here with a purpose!

Reborn From The Bleeding Wound Of Christ's Love,
Harry Lester

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Faith Machine, if you were to sneak iodine into the Catholic death cookies, they would believe that their demon-worship had saved them. Then, they would be more committed to praying to the dead instead of to the Living God.

You might save their lives, but you'd ensure their damnation.

So, my question for you is, do you consider that good, or bad?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

I felt called upon to do this, because those papists, though deceived by false teachings, are admirable for their rejection of sinful practices like masturbation, sodomy, and chewing tobacco.

That's a recent development, unless you consider having anal sex with underage boys something other than sodomy.



Z. Smyth

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Thank you for all of your questions and opinions. About me:

I am 41 years old and attend the Pillar of Fire Lutheran Church. I also preach in the streets and hand out Bible tracts at least twice weekly.

Though I have always been culturally Christian, it was only two years ago that I became truly saved and allowed the Lord to take control of my life. Prior that that I had spent almost a decade drowning in a sinful lifestyle of crystal meth addiction, pre-marital relations with women, goth clubs, and National Public Radio.

Though I am deeply ashamed of my selfish, hedonistic past, every day in the Lord is a good day.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Thank you for all of your questions and opinions. About me:

I am 41 years old and attend the Pillar of Fire Lutheran Church. I also preach in the streets and hand out Bible tracts at least twice weekly.

Though I have always been culturally Christian, it was only two years ago that I became truly saved and allowed the Lord to take control of my life. Prior that that I had spent almost a decade drowning in a sinful lifestyle of crystal meth addiction, pre-marital relations with women, goth clubs, and National Public Radio.

Though I am deeply ashamed of my selfish, hedonistic past, every day in the Lord is a good day.

Just as I suspected. Lutherans aren't Christians. They're just a bunch of jumped-up papists.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Just to clarify, Pilar of Fire is a Bible-believing, fundamental Church.

And Lutherans are Protestant, not Catholic, so I don't see how you could think they were papists.

As for me, though my heritage is Lutheran, I do not generally identify myself by sect. If you ask me what my religion is, I will tell you I am a follower of The Way, as taught by Yeshua the Nazarene.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Domni Domni Domni Hail Mary NAMBLA

Before you claim being a protestant makes you saved, please know that Baptists are not protestant. We are Baptist. Protestants exist only to "protest" the catlicks. The catlicks did not exist until several generations after God sacrificed his Son-Self on a cross, but the Baptists were there all along. There is no "John The Catlick" is there? The protestants have no purpose other than to counterbalance the boy spoilers, and sadly they do it by mimicking them. Lutherans are among the best at it, so please don't argue with Pastor Ezekiel. He's trying to save your soul.

Now about these Bible Tracts you hand out. Are they PROTESTANT Bible Tracts or some creation of your own? I believe you have made a giant step toward salvation by seeking the truth of the KJV 1611, and by discovering the True Word Of God™ here at a NON-protestant House of God. Praise Jesus!

By the way, tell us about your family. You being 41, I imagine your wife is getting a bit long in the tooth these days. Does her pie still taste fresh? Are your boys all grown up or do you still have a few around the house? Tell us about them.

Cleansed By Christ's Extra Strength Blood Of Salvation,
Harry Lester

[James Hutchins]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

I am a bit confused. What is the point of trying to save anyone in California from the inevitable radiation cloud. As far I know, not a single True Christian™ lives there. We do have a few Pastor and Reverends doing out reach work in Redondo Beach and Palm springs, but that is about it, really just a hop and skip away by private jet. So everyone there is going to Hell.

Why prolong their misery. Quick and sure, it is the Christian thing to do.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Harry, I am unmarried and hence have no children of my own. James, I would remind you that in our most recent elections, the people of California, by some miracle, chose to reject a bill which would have legalized the devil weed marijuana. Surely there is some small crumb of hope for us?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Harry, I am unmarried and hence have no children of my own. James, I would remind you that in our most recent elections, the people of California, by some miracle, chose to reject a bill which would have legalized the devil weed marijuana. Surely there is some small crumb of hope for us?

Yeah, right, you are merely dangling a worm on a hook. I have been to CA many times, it is a cesspool of depravity and illegal immigrants, joos too.

[True Disciple]

Re: Should I seek to protect the Papists from the radiation cloud

Pastor Ezekiel, I thought I made it quite clear that I am not a papist. And the fellow I mentioned is my cousin by marriage, so you may rest assured my blood does not contain the taint of papist DNA.

You should sever all ties with that cousin immediately. God does not allow us to maintain friendships with unbelievers:

2 Chronicles 19:2:
And Jehu the son of Hanani the seer went out to meet him, and said to king Jehoshaphat, Shouldest thou help the ungodly, and love them that hate the LORD? therefore is wrath upon thee from before the LORD.

We are not allowed to love the ungodly.

Luke 14:26:
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Even more, we should hate our relatives, like you should hate your cousin.

Romans 16:17-18:
Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

If people teach false doctrines (like catholics definitely do), avoid them.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

We are not allowed to be together with unbelievers. God has no agreement with idols, like those the catholics worship.

2 John 1:9-11:
Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son.
If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed:
For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.

If people believe in false doctrines, like catholics do, you are not allowed to receive them in your house.