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  • Master
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Apr 2011
    • 4

    #1

    Hello friends!

    Hello friends,

    I have recently become a Jedi knight. I've been told by close friends and relatives that god does not take kindly to this religion, or the use of the force for that matter. Just the other day I force pushed someone out of a window. I have also been searching through the bible looking for any quotes on lightsaber building. Can someone tell me if there are any commandments that forbid the building and use of them?

    I know god takes unkindly to the use of the force and the religion, but if I die would god allow me to enter heaven? Or would I punished to hell?

    Yours sincerely,
    Yoda.
  • PetitionLady
    Hates Obama. Really Hates Obama. Actually, REALLY REALLY REALLY Hates Obama.
    Forum Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 883

    #2
    Re: Hello friends!

    Read the instructions and follow them, friend. Know where you are posting.

    Tip: The Introduction Forum

    But whosoever shall deny me before men,
    him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
    ~Matt. 10:33

    ~~~~~~~
    Theme song in hell: "I Did it My Way"

    Comment

    • Yea-tho-we-walk
      Forum Member
      Forum Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 390

      #3
      Re: Hello friends!

      Originally posted by Master View Post
      Hello friends,

      I have recently become a Jedi knight. I've been told by close friends and relatives that god does not take kindly to this religion, or the use of the force for that matter. Just the other day I force pushed someone out of a window. I have also been searching through the bible looking for any quotes on lightsaber building. Can someone tell me if there are any commandments that forbid the building and use of them?

      I know god takes unkindly to the use of the force and the religion, but if I die would god allow me to enter heaven? Or would I punished to hell?

      Yours sincerely,
      Yoda.
      Does your babysitter know that you are playing with daddy's computor? You sound like you need a country style spanking!

      Comment

      • PetitionLady
        Hates Obama. Really Hates Obama. Actually, REALLY REALLY REALLY Hates Obama.
        Forum Member
        • Nov 2010
        • 883

        #4
        Re: Hello friends!

        Originally posted by Yea-tho-we-walk View Post
        .... You sound like you need a country style spanking!
        Haha, we call it "back behind the woodshed." Is it similar?

        But whosoever shall deny me before men,
        him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
        ~Matt. 10:33

        ~~~~~~~
        Theme song in hell: "I Did it My Way"

        Comment

        • Ezekiel Bathfire
          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
          Christ's Rottweiler
           
          • Jan 2008
          • 22889

          #5
          Re: Hello friends!

          It is not possible for Star Wars fans to enter heaven. Star Wars is a thinly disguised morality tale, as opposed to the Bible (KJV1611) which is God's manual for Life Eternal.

          2Th:2:11: And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:

          2 Chronicles 15:13 Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
          sigpic


          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

          Author of such illuminating essays as,
          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

          Comment

          • Master
            Unsaved trash
            Under Investigation
            • Apr 2011
            • 4

            #6
            Re: Hello friends!

            Originally posted by Yea-tho-we-walk View Post
            Does your babysitter know that you are playing with daddy's computor? You sound like you need a country style spanking!
            Stop insulting my beliefs! The bible teaches forgiveness and acceptance, it looks like you are going to hell now!

            Comment

            • Nobar King
              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
              Christ's Guardian
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2007
              • 23748

              #7
              Re: Hello friends!

              Why should you care about the Bible? You're a Jedi, right?
              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

              Comment

              • Ezekiel Bathfire
                Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                Christ's Rottweiler
                 
                • Jan 2008
                • 22889

                #8
                Re: Hello friends!

                Originally posted by Master View Post
                Stop insulting my beliefs! The bible teaches forgiveness and acceptance,
                Find that verse would you? Clue - it ain't there.
                it looks like you are going to hell now!
                Lame-brain. How could God not love the congregation of Landover Baptist Church?
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • Master
                  Unsaved trash
                  Under Investigation
                  • Apr 2011
                  • 4

                  #9
                  Re: Hello friends!

                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                  It is not possible for Star Wars fans to enter heaven. Star Wars is a thinly disguised morality tale, as opposed to the Bible (KJV1611) which is God's manual for Life Eternal.

                  2Th:2:11: And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:

                  2 Chronicles 15:13 Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
                  Sorry, but haven't you read the bible? Jesus was once a Jedi:

                  Comment

                  • Master
                    Unsaved trash
                    Under Investigation
                    • Apr 2011
                    • 4

                    #10
                    Re: Hello friends!

                    Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                    Find that verse would you? Clue - it ain't there. Lame-brain. How could God not love the congregation of Landover Baptist Church?
                    I would also like to warn you, my force power is over 9000, far greater that any other Jedi. Adding to my previous post regarding Jesus as a Jedi, must mean I am more powerful than Jesus, correct?

                    Comment

                    • James Hutchins
                      True Christian™
                      Just a Regular Nice Guy
                       
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 29453

                      #11
                      Re: Hello friends!

                      Originally posted by Master View Post
                      I would also like to warn you, my force power is over 9000, far greater that any other Jedi. Adding to my previous post regarding Jesus as a Jedi, must mean I am more powerful than Jesus, correct?
                      No, you are less powerful than my pinky.

                      Jesus created the entire universe. He is the Supreme Being. Finito

                      Now go breathe through a straw and put on a bed sheet cape and play in traffic.
                      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                      Comment

                      • Alvin
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Oct 2010
                        • 66

                        #12
                        Re: Hello friends!

                        Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                        It is not possible for Star Wars fans to enter heaven. Star Wars is a thinly disguised morality tale, as opposed to the Bible (KJV1611) which is God's manual for Life Eternal.

                        2Th:2:11: And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:

                        2 Chronicles 15:13 Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
                        In addition to Ezekiel Bathfire's righteous comments, you also need to realize that Star Wars is simply one of a number of wholly unoriginal tales told as myths across all times and cultures, which follow the simple structure of the "Monomyth" (also called "The hero's Journey") and describes by Joseph Campbell in "The hero with a thousand faces"

                        If you look at the 17 stages in the 3 phases of the Monomyth, it is clear that Luke Skywalker in Star Wars is simply passing through all the steps in this tired mythical storyline. Just like many other real figures like Frodo (Lord of the Rings), Neo (The Matrix), Jack Ryan (Hunt for Red October), Maverick (Top Gun), Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean), Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs), Harry Potter, Shrek, Karate Kid, Odysseus, Prometheus, Beowulf... and I had another one on the tip of my tongue recently but it presently escapes me.

                        In short: Jediism is boring stuff for boring people leading boring, copycat lives and who are neither creative nor brave enough to humbly face, read and follow the Word of GOD! Anyone can run around their garden with a light saber - but being prepared to sacrifice your own son to demonstrate your obedience to GOD, that is... unique.

                        Matthew 5:3
                        Blessed are the
                        poor in spirit:
                        for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

                        Step out of your small mind - cast away your "Yoda" moinker, be yourself and thank JESUS for giving you eyes and a mind to read and understand the KJV of the BIBLE!

                        And stop exposing your mind to all those uninspired secular myths!

                        GLORY!

                        YiC,

                        Alvin
                        Mark 11: 12-14: "And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet. And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever." You cannot hide from JESUS' wrath behind natural laws! Gravity is only a theory and will not prevent the rapture!

                        Comment

                        • Rev. M. Rodimer
                          Honorary True Christian™
                          Forum Member
                          • May 2008
                          • 13996

                          #13
                          Re: Hello friends!

                          Originally posted by Mistress View Post
                          Hello friends,

                          I have recently become a Jedi knight . . . Just the other day I force pushed someone out of a window. Yours sincerely,
                          Toad.
                          Dear Murderous Crossdresser:

                          God will not be mocked. Enjoy Hell.
                          Bible boring? Nonsense!
                          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                          Comment

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