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I was doing some research and finding internets that I could quote from for my next sermon about the evils of teenage promiscuity, and I stumbled across this ultimately valuable internet.
Thank you, good people of almighty God, for establishing a place where true Christians could meet and prove that religion is more factual than science. We must teach school on the heathens that we were never monkey-like creatures, and that science is the evil that has torn this great society apart.
I regularly preach in my basement to my 23 followers in what I call The Church Lit From Above. We are currently trying to receive acceptance in Obama's eyes, and simply want to be rewarded tax-free status to buy new light fixtures. I think the candles are starting to mess with Brother Dan's eyes. I am hoping someone out there can help me with some information on speeding the process up.
My favorite bible verse is "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)
I didn't find God, he found me. I was on a camping trip and I somehow stumbled into a tree. When I woke up 4 hours later, I realized I wasn't hurt. I wasn't eaten by bears, snakes, or spiders! When I walked into my house the next morning, Momma asked how the back yard was. I told her what happened and she told me that God must be watching out for me. He's been watching out for me ever since, because I've been knocked unconscious by a few things, and I'm still here in one piece.
I only have God to thank.
Thank you, good people of almighty God, for establishing a place where true Christians could meet and prove that religion is more factual than science. We must teach school on the heathens that we were never monkey-like creatures, and that science is the evil that has torn this great society apart.
I regularly preach in my basement to my 23 followers in what I call The Church Lit From Above. We are currently trying to receive acceptance in Obama's eyes, and simply want to be rewarded tax-free status to buy new light fixtures. I think the candles are starting to mess with Brother Dan's eyes. I am hoping someone out there can help me with some information on speeding the process up.
My favorite bible verse is "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)
I didn't find God, he found me. I was on a camping trip and I somehow stumbled into a tree. When I woke up 4 hours later, I realized I wasn't hurt. I wasn't eaten by bears, snakes, or spiders! When I walked into my house the next morning, Momma asked how the back yard was. I told her what happened and she told me that God must be watching out for me. He's been watching out for me ever since, because I've been knocked unconscious by a few things, and I'm still here in one piece.
I only have God to thank.
It's the ONLY way to go.
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