Greetings - My Story.

[Fred Kelps]

Hello all.

First of all, I feel privileged to post in these Holy Forums, and I must say I am feeling His power, even as I type out in the Introduction Section. Thanks for the opportunity.

So, how did I get here?!

I was born in California- the land of fags and, according to my old Pastor, the gates to hell themselves. My parents were non believers, the very worst kind, so I ran away from home, and to this day have never spoken to them. I will be the one laughing when they rot in hell.

I met a mysterious man, and to this day I believe he was some sort of holy being, perhaps sent down by the Lord himself, who told me to go to the UK straight away, and rid the land of its evils- equal rights for fags, a liberal government, LOUIS THEROUX

After 10 years of my hard work (which has been quite succesful, thanks God), I have decided I want to come home. Not to Califagia, but to somewhere in the South, and perhaps, if I make friends here, and God permits me, Freehold.

Why have I joined the forum?

I believe God led me here. I bought a new computer last night. I booted it up, and what did it do as soon as I got onto the desktop screen?! The browser automatically opened, and the rest is history as they say. I found myself sent, by Him, to these Holy Pages.

Anyway, I do not want to waste his Holy Bandwidth too much, so I will keep it short. I look forward to meeting you all, and hopefully, if his Holiness, and yourselves, permit me, this will be a new chapter in my life.

I'll leave you with a photo of myself, my most recent one.



God Bless.

[Fred Kelps]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

I must add, I welcome any questions you may have for me. With God's help, I can answer anything thrown at me.

I look forward to your replies.

God bless.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

"His Holiness" ???

Are you a papist, mister?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

[Fred Kelps]

"His Holiness" ???

Are you a papist, mister?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

No my friend, however, it is something I've picked up during my work over here in the fag ridden hell hole that is the United Kingdom. The thought of worshipping that evil dictator, the Pope, renders me sick.

Apologies.

God Bless.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Sister Kitty]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

Why are you using that atheist Louis Theroux as your avatar? Do you have his permission to reproduce his image? (Yes, we get BBC in my igloo.)

[Fred Kelps]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

The image was originally designed for use as a sig. It shows him portrayed as the devil.. Which he is.
Posted via Mobile Device

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

The image was originally designed for use as a sig. It shows him portrayed as the devil.. Which he is.
Posted via Mobile Device

¡Guau! I never know before that the Devil were a handsome!

[Fred Kelps]

¡Guau! I never know before that the Devil were a handsome!

He can take many forms. The body is merely a casing, his soul is non existant, and instead a horrible devilish creature inhabits inside him.

Same with most Socialist's really, including Barack Osama Homo Bin Laden.
Posted via Mobile Device

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

He can take many forms. The body is merely a casing, his soul is non existant, and instead a horrible devilish creature inhabits inside him.

Same with most Socialist's really, including Barack Osama Homo Bin Laden.
Posted via Mobile Device

My sister is a socialist. Well, something similar - but she's no a devil. Even if her case is nice.

[Fred Kelps]

My sister is a socialist. Well, something similar - but she's no a devil. Even if her case is nice.

I'm sorry to hear that- I'd personally cut ties with her, as Socialism originates from Satan. However, seeing as you seem to be a very nice lady, I will pray for both you and your sister tonight. Hopefully she will be redeemed before she goes to hell.

Of course, Spanish females do tend to have lovely casing. I've also found them to work very hard round the house- a quality I always look for.

God bless.
Posted via Mobile Device

[John Creeser]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

Greetings Mr. Kelps, Mr. Fred Kelps....hmmm, awful familiar sound to that name. Have we met in the past friend?

Anyway, a cautious Welcome to the Landover Baptist Church Forums. You haven't mentioned how many soldiers for Christ your wife has produced for the Almighty? What version of the Bible do you read from? Do you use a rifle, handgun or bow to hunt?

[John Creeser]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

¡Guau! I never know before that the Devil were a handsome!

MARIA!!! Isn't there a floor that needs mopping around here? Snap to it!!

[Fred Kelps]

Greetings Mr. Kelps, Mr. Fred Kelps....hmmm, awful familiar sound to that name. Have we met in the past friend?

Anyway, a cautious Welcome to the Landover Baptist Church Forums. You haven't mentioned how many soldiers for Christ your wife has produced for the almighty? What version of the Bible do you read from? Do you use a rifle, handgun or bow to hunt?

Greetings John.

Very strange indeed, we may have bumped into each other yes, or maybe Christ has a plan. Either way, pleased to meet you.

Thanks for the questions!

Me and my wife, who originates from Ohio, have so far produced 3 foot soldiers for the Lord. 2 girls, and one boy, who are already growing up in His image. Exactly what I wanted!

King James my good friend. My main reason is as I mentioned I was out saving souls in the UK, so spent a lot of time in various hotels around the country. Every hotel in the country is equipped with a King James bible, so naturally I made good use of them. Furthermore, I've just purchased an iPhone, as I saw you could buy a 'Bible App'. This is brilliant since now I can even read and preach the Bible as I do common everyday tasks, for example earlier today, when I was grocery shopping! It also means I can visit my new Favourite Forum! Excellent!

As for your last question, I will hunt with whatever the Lord chooses in the morning. I will ask for his guidance on what weapon to use.

God Bless.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Fred Kelps]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

John,

I believe this Socialist sister of hers may have been spreading her evil Satanic doctrine. Treat with caution is my policy here friend.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings - My Story.

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I'm surprised to see you have all your teeth....Or are those dentures?

Anyway Jerome, if you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.