X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
  • #1

    My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

    Greetings, beloved brothers and sisters of Christianity!

    My name is Alex Kristensen.

    I am from Denmark - surrounded by whores, married faggots, rapists and
    other hellbound scum!

    Romans 1:26-27

    My biggest wish is to join, and be accepted by Jesus and the holy Landover
    community! I wish to study, the only true bible, King James Bible 1611

    I keep praying that I could travel for the United States - to live in a clean
    white neighbourhood. I urge to work hard in the name of Jesus, and marry a
    woman who loves Jesus as much as I, and have many strong sons, and grandsons.

    Ephesians 5:22

    Also one of my favourite Bible verses is Matthew 5:10

    There are no babtist churches anynear nor anyfar my location.
    SO I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WORTHSHIP JESUS, IN DENMARK.     Therefor Matthew 5:10

    I've read Cranky Old Mans post, 10 Reasons why GOD HATES DENMARK! , and I fully agree with the wise man. Praise him!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

    Welcome to God's favorite forum, Nanook. How big is your spear?

    If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

    If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

    You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

    Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

      Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
      Greetings, beloved brothers and sisters of Christianity!

      My name is Alex Kristensen.

      I am from Denmark - surrounded by whores, married faggots, rapists and
      other hellbound scum!

      Romans 1:26-27

      My biggest wish is to join, and be accepted by Jesus and the holy Landover
      community! I wish to study, the only true bible, King James Bible 1611

      I keep praying that I could travel for the United States - to live in a clean
      white neighbourhood. I urge to work hard in the name of Jesus, and marry a
      woman who loves Jesus as much as I, and have many strong sons, and grandsons.

      Ephesians 5:22

      Also one of my favourite Bible verses is Matthew 5:10

      There are no babtist churches anynear nor anyfar my location.
      SO I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WORTHSHIP JESUS, IN DENMARK.       Therefor Matthew 5:10

      I've read Cranky Old Mans post, 10 Reasons why GOD HATES DENMARK! , and I fully agree with the wise man. Praise him!


      Now that's an introduction, GLORY!



      Tell me Alex, how many sons has your eskimo squaw plopped out for Jesus?

      Yours in Christ,

      Z. Smyth
      sigpic

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

        Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post

        Tell me Alex, how many sons has your eskimo squaw plopped out for Jesus?
        My mother did not provide Jesus with any others sons than me, unfortunately.

        I pray for her wretched soul.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

          Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
          My mother did not provide Jesus with any others sons than me, unfortunately.

          I pray for her wretched soul.
          What? I'm talking about your wife, friend.
          sigpic

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

            Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
            There are no babtist churches anynear nor anyfar my location.
            SO I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WORTHSHIP JESUS, IN DENMARK.
            As far as I know, there is no such thing as a "babtist" church.

            This misspelling is common among 4chan gaysexuals and atheists. Which are you?

            As far as Baptist churches in Denmark . . . there are 50. Pick one. There's even a Baptist seminary in Copenhagen.

            Page not found
            http://www.oikoumene.org/gr/member-churches/regions/europe/denmark/baptist-union-of-denmark.html
            Bible boring? Nonsense!
            Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
            You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

              Welcome to God's Favourite Forum. I'm glad (if a little amazed) you managed to survive the frozen winter of Denmark. I'd imagine after six long months of snow and no sun you're anxious to be out of the igloo, right?

              Please, I beg of you, walk with Christ though as you emerge blinking into the light. I imagine that Hell seems almost tempting to you right now but please believe me when I say it is possible to be too warm. The eternal burning in hellfire will NOT be a pleasant way of avoiding frostbite.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                What? I'm talking about your wife, friend.
                I'm truly sorry for the misunderstanding.

                I thougt you refered to "squaw" as "woman". And the word woman would be a normal word to refer to ones mother in Denmark.

                I am not married yet, since I've only just turned 18.

                I plan to marry a true christian woman, who loves Jesus as much as I do. Just as I explained in my first post.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                  Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                  This misspelling is common among 4chan gaysexuals and atheists. Which are you?
                  What is a "4chan"-gaysexual?

                  I can ensure you that I am neither homosexual or an atheist.

                  I love Jesus, and despise those whoremongering sluts and satan-worthshipping scoundrels!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                    You are 18 and not married yet? I had three sons by the time I turned 18. I assume you work, correct? What is your tithing percentage?
                    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                      Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                      You are 18 and not married yet?
                      Unfortunately, one is not to legally be married in Denmark, before the age of 18.

                      Also Denmark is filled with sluts, and only few true christian women, in this godforsaken place!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                        Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
                        Unfortunately, one is not to legally be married in Denmark, before the age of 18.

                        Also Denmark is filled with sluts, and only few true christian women, in this godforsaken place!
                        How many wives can you tolerate? '
                        Legally' is of no consequence. Assuming of course you do not plan to stone her if she generates a female offspring. As long as you have a notoartized aggreement with the girls parents, proof you paid the fifty shekels, all should be fine. You are wasting the most potent years of your life.
                        God sees your man seed dying on the vine. Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great.
                        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                          Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                          How many wives can you tolerate?
                          Are you suggesting me to marry more than one wife?

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                            Is there something wrong with that?

                            1 Kings 11:2-4

                            2Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.

                            3And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.
                            Genesis 7:5
                            And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.

                            John 8:32
                            And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

                            sigpic

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: My introduction. Guide me to heaven!

                              Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
                              Unfortunately, one is not to legally be married in Denmark, before the age of 18.

                              Also Denmark is filled with sluts, and only few true christian women, in this godforsaken place!
                              Originally posted by TrueFaith View Post
                              Are you suggesting me to marry more than one wife?
                              I have no idea what the heathen laws are in a place full of blubber eating eskimoes. You said 'one' is not legal, therefore I take that to mean you must marry multiple women.
                              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X