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  • Padre_Celcio
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Oct 2012
    • 14

    #1

    Hello and Olá

    Hi,

    I am Pastor Celcio.

    First, I would like to provide my congratulations for providing a place to spread His word.

    Also, a little background on myself:

    I have 17 years experience in preaching the Word. I have specialised in helping convert members of my flock who have strayed from the path. (Same-sex relations or feelings, and also those who are even worse off than them, by denying completely the gift of His Word)

    To those who might say it is a very easy job, I can honestly say No!
    It is a very tough job. With some people, the devil has so profoundly grasped their souls, that they will not hear any arguments against sodomy, or about being blasphemous against the Lord.

    Also, my job is made even more difficult, because of the current disastrous state of general culture in Portugal.

    Although most people are roman catholics or muslims here in Portugal, there is a small group of Christians who do try and fight the oppression of the lost.

    In fact, if you would like to know more about how this came to be, please spend 5 minutes looking over "The CONCORDATA". (An accord between the then communist Portuguese government and the Pope, written in 1940)
    This document illustrates some of the principle reasons Portugal has so many sicknesses: gay, aids, and alcoholism.



    Particularly article 5:

    "A Igreja pode livremente cobrar dos fiéis colectas e quaisquer importâncias destinadas à realização dos seus fins, designadamente no interior e à porta dos templos, assim como dos edifícios e lugares que lhe pertençam."

    Roughly translated, it stipulates that the (catholic) church may charge any fees to it's followers it deems necessary, up to and including charges made at the door of any of it's churches or other buildings it owns.

    This was clearly done to hide that fact that there were so many Jews who were trying to change their faith (thereby evading deportation) while still maintaining traditional lifestyles.

    I am sorry if this was too long for some, and I hope that together we can clean the world, one country at a time!

    AMEN!
  • Mary Etheldreda
    Gushing for Jesus
     
    • Sep 2011
    • 23775

    #2
    Re: Hello and Olá

    How very wonderful to be called to dedicate your life to telling people how very much God hates them! Our nation is facing a War On Religion and the liberal state of California (home of Hellywood and Sin Francisco) has recently declared restorative therapy to be illegal. Can you imagine? ILLEGAL to HELP CHILDREN! Who will tell them they are disgusting, vile creatures that makes God Himself puke Holy Bile?
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • James Hutchins
      True Christian™
      Just a Regular Nice Guy
       
      • Jun 2009
      • 29453

      #3
      Re: Hello and Olá

      Welcome friend! It is so rare to get a wetback here who is not a papist fool.
      What verse in the KJV most makes you despise your fellow countrymen?
      How have you kept your male children safe from kiddie diddling priests?
      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

      Comment

      • Padre_Celcio
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Oct 2012
        • 14

        #4
        Re: Hello and Olá

        Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
        called to dedicate your life to telling people how very much God hates them!
        Thank you for such a warm welcome!

        This is more than I would expect from most people in my own country!

        In Portugal, you see, (true) religious freedom is only granted to the Jews, Masons and Arabs.

        My flock and I feel like we are being fingered, just as Rehobaum fingered his people:

        ""For my littlest finger is thicker than my father's loins; and your backs, which bent like reeds at my father's touch, shall break like straws at my own touch.""

        I feel I have been blessed, just as I prophesied about joining this community.

        Thank you, thank you....

        Comment

        • Cranky Old Man
          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
          You kids get off his lawn!
           
          • Jan 2010
          • 22377

          #5
          Re: Hello and Olá

          Welcome!
          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

          Comment

          • Padre_Celcio
            Forum Member
            Forum Member
            • Oct 2012
            • 14

            #6
            Re: Hello and Olá

            Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
            What verse in the KJV most makes you despise your fellow countrymen?
            It truly is so very heartwarming, brother James, to take a vested interest in myself, and my tiny country.

            I too have long debated with my congregation this very question.

            How can we succinctly define why our land is in the state it is in?

            In a recent poll, 82% of us voted on:

            2 Chronicles 21:15: "And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day."

            In one case, a member of my flock (contrary to our health warnings) drank some water straight from the tap, and had such a fierce attack of bowel sickness, she actually passed one of her kidneys (Although, still attached via the ureter).
            As a lesson to the rest of my flock, I deemed it necessary for her to display the results of her sickness during our service last sunday, right next to the donations platter.

            Indeed, my members were filled in awe, and many pictures were taken of the hanging kidney, and of the passage whence it came. I am in the process of printing out a large poster of this, to hang at our entrance, which I hope will serve as a health and safety service to all visitors to our country.

            Interestingly, 10% voted on: Psalms 23: "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures [..] I will fear no evil [...] thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
            Last edited by Zechariah Smyth; 10-01-2012, 04:20 PM. Reason: Corrected format of verse.

            Comment

            • Padre_Celcio
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Oct 2012
              • 14

              #7
              Re: Hello and Olá

              Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
              Welcome!
              Thank you for the welcome, Mr. Crank.

              In return, please allow me to leave you some words of wisdom from Philemon 1:17:
              "If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself."

              Comment

              • Zechariah Smyth
                Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                True Christian™
                • Feb 2011
                • 15251

                #8
                Re: Hello and Olá

                Padre, I hope you don't mind, but I did a minor edit to the format of your Bible verse above.

                If you type it out with the exact name of the book, and then the chapter and verse separated by a colon, people can hover their mouse pointer over it to see the verse.

                For instance, if you wanted to post about Leviticus, chapter 15, verse 20, you'd write it like this:

                Leviticus 15:20

                and anyone can hover their mouse over that to see it.

                Easy! Welcome to Landover.

                YiC,

                Zech
                sigpic

                Comment

                • Zechariah Smyth
                  Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                  True Christian™
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 15251

                  #9
                  Re: Hello and Olá

                  P.S. Oops! I see you figured it out while I was typing.

                  sigpic

                  Comment

                  • Capt. Aaron Portway
                    One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
                    Salvation from Above
                    God's Favorite Pilot™
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2008
                    • 6309

                    #10
                    Re: Hello and Olá

                    Welcome Padre. Tell us more about what it's like being surrounded by unsaved dagos. How do you deal with the smell?
                    sigpic


                    Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                    God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                    Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                    Comment

                    • Faith_Machine
                      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Mar 2011
                      • 10050

                      #11
                      Re: Hello and Olá

                      Welcome aboard, Padre! You don't smell like a Catholic to me, so I assume your screen name is a reference to the San Diego Padres? They're a great team, but the only thing preventing the SF Giants from permanently eclipsing their achievements is the fact that the Giants have been, obviously, infiltrated by SF queers.
                      WARNING:
                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                      Comment

                      • Padre_Celcio
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Oct 2012
                        • 14

                        #12
                        Re: Hello and Olá

                        Originally posted by Capt. Aaron Portway View Post
                        Tell us more about what it's like being surrounded by unsaved dagos.

                        Thanks for your comment.

                        It actually feels quite empowering. I always swell up when I am ministering to the unlearned. They are all so cute, in their own hilarious ways. and I just explode with joy when they give me their blessings.

                        As for the smell, we have a communal bath, where I order all members to thoroughly wash themselves in front of the rest of the group, to ensure godliness.
                        Wine Vinegar and steel wool does wonders for accumulated crud and odors.


                        Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                        I assume your screen name is a reference to the San Diego Padres?
                        I'm sorry, I do not watch american football here.
                        Not because I do not approve of a game involving hot studs running around wrestling balls out of each others hands, but because our village television has suffered a malfunction, and we will only be able to fix it next month.

                        In fact Padre is a nickname I accrued from my flock. It just stuck.

                        Comment

                        • Billy Bob Jenkins
                          Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                          About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                          Hates anal sex. And trees.
                          True Christian™
                          • May 2010
                          • 8337

                          #13
                          Re: Hello and Olá

                          I am always pleased to read a thread where anal sex has not been mentioned. Lord Jesus is protecting this introduction, and thwarting the encroachment of unsaved trash.

                          Welcome.
                          The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                          Comment

                          • Padre_Celcio
                            Forum Member
                            Forum Member
                            • Oct 2012
                            • 14

                            #14
                            Re: Hello and Olá

                            Originally posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
                            ...anal sex...Lord Jesus... Welcome.

                            I have been investigating your A.S.S. and it seems to be very interesting and well constructed.

                            Hopefully I will find out more during the wednesday service, where we all come together and watch examples of how the devil tempts us with moving pictures of acts which make people sweat on the internet (INTERNETCHI, in portuguese).

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556

                              #15
                              Re: Hello and Olá

                              Welcome to God's favorite forum. I will continue to Pray that Jesus washes the stink of Spain off of you, and that He brings you deep into His bosom.

                              If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

                              If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

                              You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

                              Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

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