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  • Harold Law
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Dec 2007
    • 136
    #1

    Ex-Pastor law here

    Greetings member of Landover

    Im 64 years young, thrice married and have a boy and two girls "He just completed Jerry Fallwells Creation Science College". Seeing all the wonderful True Christians here at Landover makes me shout Glory! If you'll have me i'd like to move up to Freehold in the future. Currently im an ex-pastor of a baptist church here in Jigaboo falls... but some Methodists took over the place!

    My favorite bible verse is in my signature. For any True Christians I have a daughter that needs a husband. She isn't much to look at, but she'll pick tobacco the way a colored picks up a welfare check.


    YIC, Harold Law
    Ephesians 5:22-24
    22*Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23*For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24*Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
    Tags: None
    • Faith_Machine
      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Mar 2011
      • 10050
      #2
      Re: Ex-Pastor law here

      Greetings, Pastor Law! I see that you have already been promoted to the rank of Forum Member, which means our Department of Faith must have surely been already familiar with your fine record of service to the Lord.

      This is an auspicious beginning, my friend!

      Do you enjoy bow hunting?
      WARNING:
      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

        Comment

        • Ezekiel Bathfire
          Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
          Christ's Rottweiler
           
          • Jan 2008
          • 22912
          #3
          Re: Ex-Pastor law here

          Hmmm… I’m married myself but have a nephew, Zebulun, who could do with settling down. However, I’m not going to him with a half-assed tale of ‘some girl’, so I’ll need a few details, as I would recommend anyone who’s considering this offer to request.

          • Does she come with any land or farm equipment? If so, please describe the state of this, and if she doesn’t, why not?
          • You’ve been married 3 times – which wife is the filly from and why did you divorce that wife? An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you know!
          • On the subject of the girl’s mother – can you provide a pedigree – we don’t want a Darkie baby appearing as a throw-back, do we?
          • Has the party any education? If so, what level?
          • What’s her temperament?
          • What does she look like – I see ugly ones as being faithful, but pretty ones tend to be an encouragement to produce more soldiers for Christ. Red headed ones probably don’t have a soul; blondes are fine but limited on the learning side. Brunettes have always something of Satan about them.


          Please don’t send any pictures – no need to put him off before the business has begun!
          sigpic


          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

          Author of such illuminating essays as,
          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

            Comment

            • Harold Law
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Dec 2007
              • 136
              #4
              Re: Ex-Pastor law here

              Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
              Hmmm… I’m married myself but have a nephew, Zebulun, who could do with settling down. However, I’m not going to him with a half-assed tale of ‘some girl’, so I’ll need a few details, as I would recommend anyone who’s considering this offer to request.

              • Does she come with any land or farm equipment? If so, please describe the state of this, and if she doesn’t, why not?
              • You’ve been married 3 times – which wife is the filly from and why did you divorce that wife? An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you know!
              • On the subject of the girl’s mother – can you provide a pedigree – we don’t want a Darkie baby appearing as a throw-back, do we?
              • Has the party any education? If so, what level?
              • What’s her temperament?
              • What does she look like – I see ugly ones as being faithful, but pretty ones tend to be an encouragement to produce more soldiers for Christ. Red headed ones probably don’t have a soul; blondes are fine but limited on the learning side. Brunettes have always something of Satan about them.


              Please don’t send any pictures – no need to put him off before the business has begun!
              Greetings Brother Bathfire,

              The girl in question "Sue-Ellen" is of fine Anglo-Saxon stock. However, she is a plain brunette that weighs a featherlike 200 lbs "She was voted most fit girl in Jigaboo falls" She sprung from the womb of my first wife who unfortunately died in an accident, she died of cardiac arrest while churning butter.

              Zebulun sounds like a fine man, currently i'm looking to purchase a farmstead in freehold. As long as Zebulun is willing to work, I see no reason why I cant allow them to build a home in, or near "Coonhead Farm" As far as im concerned a womans only teacher should be her father or her husband. As long as the boy knows how to properly use a belt, she will be faithful.

              YIC, Harold Law
              Ephesians 5:22-24
              22*Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23*For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24*Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

                Comment

                • Creationist Ron
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • Nov 2012
                  • 100
                  #5
                  Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                  How did he become a forum member so fast I am very jealous I want to be a forum member.

                    Comment

                    • Harold Law
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Dec 2007
                      • 136
                      #6
                      Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                      Not being an unsaved teenage pervert might help. Now stop hijacking my thread, heretic.

                      YIC, Harold Law
                      Ephesians 5:22-24
                      22*Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23*For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24*Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

                        Comment

                        • Faith_Machine
                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Mar 2011
                          • 10050
                          #7
                          Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                          Well said, Brother Law, well said!
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • Thomas Taylor
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Oct 2012
                              • 1486
                              #8
                              Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                              Originally posted by Ron55555 View Post
                              How did he become a forum member so fast I am very jealous I want to be a forum member.
                              Look at Pastor Law a True man of God and then look at yourself.

                              See the difference?

                              Hebrews 10:36

                              For ye haue need of patience, that shall after ye haue done the will of God ye might receiue the promise.

                              It takes time son, sometimes a lot of time.

                              Be thankful for what you have, it is a sin to be envious of things that belong to your neighbour:

                              Exodus 20:17

                              Thou shalt not couet thy neighbours house, thou shalt not couet thy neighbours wife, nor his man seruant, nor his maid seruant, nor his oxe, nor his asse, nor any thing that is thy neighbours.
                              Isaiah 66:15

                              For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                                Comment

                                • Creationist Ron
                                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                  • Nov 2012
                                  • 100
                                  #9
                                  Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                                  Originally posted by Harold Law View Post
                                  Not being an unsaved teenage pervert might help. Now stop hijacking my thread, heretic.

                                  YIC, Harold Law
                                  But I'm not a pervert I don't know why I have this title nobody will tell me how to get rid of it,and what have I done wrong I want to be a pastor like you one day,and I study the bible every day. I don't know why in labeled pervert I'm sorry for jacking your thread Sir my deepest apologies.

                                    Comment

                                    • Didymus Much
                                      Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                                      • Jun 2010
                                      • 14079
                                      #10
                                      Re: Ex-Pastor law here

                                      Originally posted by Ron55555 View Post
                                      But I'm not a pervert...
                                      1.

                                      ...I don't know why I have this title...
                                      2.

                                      ...nobody will tell me how to get rid of it,...
                                      3.

                                      ...and what have I done wrong...
                                      4.

                                      ...I want to be a pastor like you one day...
                                      5.

                                      ...,and I study the bible every day...
                                      6.

                                      ...I don't know why in labeled pervert ...
                                      7.

                                      ...I'm sorry for jacking your thread Sir my deepest apologies.
                                      Seven things about you, and what you want, before you get to the apology. How do you think that makes the other person feel?

                                      Never mind the Bible for now, I think this book might do you better:

                                        Comment

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