Praise my fellow true Christians!

[Brother D. Thomas]

Jesus has sent me to Landover Baptist to spread the true word of the Judeo-Christian bible along with the godly astute Landover fellowship. I also administer the Lord's word through my Greyhound Bus Depot, Nevada State Brothel, and Nudist Camp Ministries (weather permitting). Praise!

I look forward to giving heathens and pseudo-christians my patent pending “Jesus Slap Downs” because of their ignorance to the true words of the bible. No prisoners will be taken and their Devil Speak will be addressed in the same demeanor that our God has shown us in the Old Testament writings, with direct justice!

[Didymus Much]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

yada yada I'm so keen yada yada

"Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus."

^^^ That.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Welcome young man. But True Christians™ earn the title only when Jesus bestows it on them. Many come to Landover Baptist posing as Christians, but are actually God-mockers that only want to antagonize us for loving Jesus.

Tell us more about yourself. What filthy sin made you realize you were hopeless lost scum without Jesus? What precious Bible verse makes you leap out of bed each morning, on fire for the Lord?

In Christ

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Hello and welcome to our friendly forums!



How considerate of you to share the Gospel with such wayward sinners as one might find at a brothel. You don't have one of those nudist churches, do you?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

@ Thomas:

Dear friend, please unburden yourself of guilt by recounting all of the filthy sins of your past. Many of the members of our congregation have perpetrated crimes against the Lord in their dark pasts, and have since repented and been saved. So there is no need to be ashamed.

For instance, I myself had a rebellious spirit in my youth, and committed various indiscretions, being without Biblical knowledge and therefore devoid of any moral compass. For instance, I sacrificed goats to Satan and fornicated on pentagrams, believing that these practices would grant me mystical powers normally inaccessible to mortals. Little did I know, God forbade these practices in Exodus 22:18. Boy was I surprised when Landover's Prison Ministry finally brought me the Good News!

Also, I was anally raped many times while residing in the slammer. God has of course forbidden anal receptivity of any kind. Not to mention, once the buck was passed to me, I dropped the ball by ejecting the perfectly good rape sperm of ten men (two of them white!), simultaneously, from my anus into the toilet where it was sadly wasted and never found a fertile womb to impregnate. To think, all those human souls in my anus, and I let them just die. Jesus must have been pissed! I'm lucky He had already used Onan to render as His example in Genesis 38!

Now it's your turn, friend. Tell us what "life" was like before Jesus came into it.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Brother D. Thomas, I understand those brothels are quite lucrative. If you own one, I really hope you're not going to plead poverty when it comes time to make your monthly tithe.

And don't give us any crap about what it says on your tax forms. I know a lot of that brothel business is in cash transactions.

That's what I heard, anyway.

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

.
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My God, this is a daunting task in answering the questions posed by some of Landover’s elite members! I will try to answer them in a quick manner so I can get back to my godly ministries.



Didymus Much:

I do not have a church since our version of God will not be present within them. “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands.” (Acts 17:24) Even though the term “temples” refers to the hell-bound Jew, it’s understood that they’re referring to “churches” of the Christian faith as well. Therefore, I take my Ministries on the road where there is no permanent address, which comes in handy at times.

I have so many bible verses that are held in high esteem that it’s hard to pick out just one of them. Wouldn’t you agree? But, one passage that was so apropos recently relative to me ridding myself of my seventh wife, was the following passage: “ “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.” (Proverbs 21:19) This is one reason that I had a desert retreat until her departure from my life.

I came to Jesus through my parents when I was very young, in fact, within in the cradle. Therefore, I have always found Jesus in my life in leaving childhood, and becoming an adult. He will remain in my daily activities until my timely departure to our glorious heaven.



Brother Harold Porter:

I have been lucky because Jesus has most certainly bestowed great wealth upon me in the realm of exploding bank accounts, fine automobiles, many dwellings throughout my state, and of course, many Sisters of Eve, 18 years and older, that I reach out and touch in the name of Jesus for their eventful conversion to true Christianity.

I too have experienced the hell bound atheist and Jesus mockers in my many Ministries. Especially when administering to the courtesans with my Nevada State Brothel Ministries, where I take a missionary position in helping them come to Christ. While doing this godly work, at times these Harlots of Babylon holler out “Oh Jesus Christ, that feels so good!” Yes, they use Jesus’ name in vain at times, but this reference at the time was because of the fact they finally understood the Gospel that I preached to them, and it made them feel so good.

LIke I stated before, the only thing that I knew in my family while growing up, was the fact of Jesus and true Christianity, along with following the bible to the letter as historically intended. Therefore, there was no filthy sin at any time.

There’re too many favorite bible verses as I stated above, but one definitely stood out while I was growing up in my Christian family, and that I reminded my sons while they grew up as well, and that was the following passage; “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.” (Leviticus 20:9) By placing the above passage over my son’s bed, my current wife at the time and I had complete respect, praise!



Mary Etheldreda:

Yes, Jesus came to me in prayer one night and informed me that someone had to take a missionary position in teaching His word at the many ungodly brothels in the state of Nevada. Who was I to offend Him by saying no? It’s ironic that when praying, you always receive the answer that you want! Therefore, I took this position in His name, and will continue to accomplish these acts as long as my age allows.

No dear, I don’t have a nudist church, but in turn, I inhabit many nudist colonies in the preaching of the word. I basically specialize in giving the faith to women only. This is because, I really feel sorry for them in that our bible places them as second-class citizens, especially since their original sister Eve transgressed God’s word and started the whole “original sin” scenario. I do what I can to make them happy.

I will feel sorry for you as well since you are burdened with an ungodly gender.



Billy Bob Jenkins:

Ever since I was baby in the cradle, I have found Jesus though my parents, and have followed His, and His Father’s, doctrine to the letter as an adult since then. Therefore, there is no previous sins! I know, it’s close to perfection as one can get.

I am so sorry about your prison time. It must have been a pain in the @ss by having to be in the presence of such ungodly homosexual men. But, I am sure you’re a better Christian because of it because 99.99 percent of prisoners always find Jesus while in prison.



Faith_Machine:

No, no, no, I would never own a brothel because that would be ungodly! I only “visit” them, so to speak, to be able to spread the Gospel of Christ in a missionary position.

While preaching to these harlots, it’s wonderful to see that they finally get the fact that they’re second-class citizens as the bible so dictates. They then accept their godly position in life, and that is to serve man. (1 Corinthians 11:3 )

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

I do not have a church since our version of God will not be present within them. “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands.” (Acts 17:24)

It appears you might be afflicted with a computer demon, dear. The King James Version Holy Bible rightfully translates this passage thusly:

God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands

Because the King James Version Holy Bible is the One and Only Holy Bible accepted by the LORD of Lords, it is the only one we use here, as well, which I am sure will have come as no surprise to you.

Yes, Jesus came to me in prayer one night and informed me that someone had to take a missionary position in teaching His word at the many ungodly brothels in the state of Nevada. Who was I to offend Him by saying no? It’s ironic that when praying, you always receive the answer that you want! Therefore, I took this position in His name, and will continue to accomplish these acts as long as my age allows.

How nice to meet someone who takes their faith, and the responsibilities thereof, seriously.

No dear, I don’t have a nudist church, but in turn, I inhabit many nudist colonies in the preaching of the word. I basically specialize in giving the faith to women only. This is because, I really feel sorry for them in that our bible places them as second-class citizens, especially since their original sister Eve transgressed God’s word and started the whole “original sin” scenario. I do what I can to make them happy.

A True Christian™ woman is never happy until she fulfills the function of her creation (Genesis 3:16).

I will feel sorry for you as well since you are burdened with an ungodly gender.

You sound like a charitable man, Mr. Thomas.

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

My dear hell bound Sister of Eve, Mary Etheldreda,

If we want to even get closer to our version of God's word, then shouldn't we be reading from the 1611 King James version of the bible?

Therefore, Acts 17:24 should read as follows; "God that made the world, and all things therein, seeing that hee is Lord of heauen and earth, dwelleth not in Temples made with hands."

Thank you for all of your comments relating to my very rewarding Ministries. God certainly does provide, praise Jesus!

In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

If we want to even get closer to our version of God's word, then shouldn't we be reading from the 1611 King James version of the bible?

Therefore, Acts 17:24 should read as follows; "God that made the world, and all things therein, seeing that hee is Lord of heauen and earth, dwelleth not in Temples made with hands."

Umm, that's what she posted. You aren't in Santa Cruz where they smoke the narcotics, are you?

In Christ

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

My dear hell bound Sister of Eve, Mary Etheldreda,

If we want to even get closer to our version of God's word, then shouldn't we be reading from the 1611 King James version of the bible?

Therefore, Acts 17:24 should read as follows; "God that made the world, and all things therein, seeing that hee is Lord of heauen and earth, dwelleth not in Temples made with hands."

Thank you for all of your comments relating to my very rewarding Ministries. God certainly does provide, praise Jesus!

In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas

Dear friend,

the Lord wants us to respect penitence and righteousness. Therefore we must recognize our betters when we are unsaved scum. If you are ever in doubt as to whether you are unsaved scum, merely check your titles on God's Favorite Forum, which would be this one.

Also, please try not to polish your idol while lurking on our website and viewing Sister Mary Etheldreda's profile page. Jesus knows all about your little "habit".

Praise His Sweet and Holy Name,

Billy Bob

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Brother Harold,

With all due respect, she was quoting from the plain Jane King James version of the bible. Whereas, I was quoting from the original King James 1611, where the text shows the language being closer in association with its Latin roots.

Hence, one can see the difference in the spelling of words like "hee" and "heauen" in the 1611 version compared to the plain KJV that she quoted.

Santa Cruz is far away, but I have preached the Gospel there on their famous boardwalk many times and have received un-reportable cash in return as an offering.

In the name of < Our Lord Jesus Christ>.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Brother Harold,

With all due respect, she was quoting from the plain Jane King James version of the bible. Whereas, I was quoting from the original King James 1611, where the text shows the language being closer in association with its Latin roots.

Hence, one can see the difference in the spelling of words like "hee" and "heauen" in the 1611 version compared to the plain KJV that she quoted.

Friend, we have no use for Latin American Bible translations. God saw fit to give us His Word in American English. If it's good enough for Him, it's good enough for us.

In Christ

[Betty Sue]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Jesus has sent me to Landover Baptist to spread the true word of the Judeo-Christian bible along with the godly astute Landover fellowship. I also administer the Lord's word through my Greyhound Bus Depot, Nevada State Brothel, and Nudist Camp Ministries (weather permitting). Praise!

I look forward to giving heathens and pseudo-christians my patent pending “Jesus Slap Downs” because of their ignorance to the true words of the bible. No prisoners will be taken and their Devil Speak will be addressed in the same demeanor that our God has shown us in the Old Testament writings, with direct justice!

ARE YOU THE FELLWO WHO WAS trying to concvert joos on I-20 threw WAFFLE SHOUSES?

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Praise my fellow true Christians!

Betty Sue,

No.