Praise Jesus!!!

[gothtard godmocker]

Dear Landover Baptist Church,
I am so greatful.
I have finally found folks that follow the true, unbending word of God Almighty.
Until I found your website I had truly been lost in this world.
Now I am found.

You see, although I had been raised Southern Baptist, I was never properly Baptized.
The snakes got loose during my Baptism,The entire congregation fled and I was left in the" Baptismal tank"until hypothermic.
But the lord gave me two black toes to remind me that one day I would truly be washed IN HIS blood!
Praise Jesus!

[JennyD]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

Dear Landover Baptist Church,
I am so greatful.
I have finally found folks that follow the true, unbending word of God Almighty.
Until I found your website I had truly been lost in this world.
Now I am found.

You see, although I had been raised Southern Baptist, I was never properly Baptized.
The snakes got loose during my Baptism,The entire congregation fled and I was left in the" Baptismal tank"until hypothermic.
But the lord gave me two black toes to remind me that one day I would truly be washed IN HIS blood!
Praise Jesus!

Thanks for mocking Jesus with your ridiculous name, avatar, and laughable first post.

1. We are Independent Fundamentalist Baptists, not in any way aligned with those liberal Southern Baptists.

2. Baptists of any sort have nothing to do with snakes. We are not Pentacostals, who have more in common with your Gothtard Emo Wiccan Warlock friends than Christians.

Your derision for the Lord is loud and clear. If you are only here to mock Jesus, you will be banned.

[gothtard godmocker]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

But I thought all I had to do was ask to be saved?
Please don't tell my gothtard friends I want to be saved.

[JawOfAnAss]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

But I thought all I had to do was ask to be saved?
Please don't tell my gothtard friends I want to be saved.

You're obviously here to try to prey on the true flock of believers.

Too bad this flock is armed with the word of the King James Bible and a fine selection of sidearms, shotguns and tactical weapons.
My gen3 nightscope will spot your wolfiness on a dark night, so beware when you creep around the pure ladies that abide here.

(Sister JennyD, just look away from that demonic drooling wolfhead avatar)

Take your false praise back to your den of iniquity. Or take your grievance to a Deacon.

[gothtard godmocker]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

Pure ladies.....(slurp)

[Susie]

That is incredibly creepy.

Are you Wolf Spit and pretending to be a man or a lesbidemon? Does your fiance know?

[JawOfAnAss]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

Pure ladies.....(slurp)

Too bad this beauty is married.
WAIT, that guy is YOU without the wolf mask.
Congratulations!!! Slurp away with your new bride.

[gothtard godmocker]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

No please I repent.
Well, actually I can't repent.
Since I am an animal, I don't have a soul so it would be pointless.
I am only OCCASIONALLY possessed by the devil.

I am just a wolf.
Well, more of a sheep in wolfs clothing.
Actually, a wolf in sheep's clothing, in wolfs clothing....

Anyway, I'm one of God's creatures so mabey some of the women would like to keep me around as a pet?
I promise to keep the crotch sniffing to a minimum (come on, it's instinctual, I can't help it).

[JawOfAnAss]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

Well, actually I can't repent.
Since I am an animal

Since you can't repent then leave
Being you're an animal, you can just sniff yourself.
Have at it dogbreath and lick that klingon off your furry hindquarters.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

No please I repent.
Well, actually I can't repent.
Since I am an animal, I don't have a soul so it would be pointless.
I am only OCCASIONALLY possessed by the devil.

I am just a wolf.
Well, more of a sheep in wolfs clothing.
Actually, a wolf in sheep's clothing, in wolfs clothing....

Anyway, I'm one of God's creatures so mabey some of the women would like to keep me around as a pet?
I promise to keep the crotch sniffing to a minimum (come on, it's instinctual, I can't help it).

You're a furry. List sinner, God has no time for animal botherers.

[JawOfAnAss]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

You're a furry. List sinner, God has no time for animal botherers.

Amen Bobby-Joe.
That gooffy wolf-faced corpse slurper is on the zoo train to hell.
Hope the turnstyle hits him in the ass.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

I'm ready to call this the worst thread ever in the Landover Forums. Repent, sinner, or burn. And I don't much care which you chose.

[gothtard godmocker]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

Thank you, Ahimaaz.

I feel compelled at this time to ask the congregation for permission to give my testimony.
However at this time I think I may best express my repentants with a monologue from the book of Job, chapter 10, verses 1-2 & 15-17


My soul is weary of my life;

I will leave my complaint upon myself;
I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
I will say unto God, Do not condemn me;

show me wherefore thou contendest with me.
If I be wicked, woe unto me;

and if I be righteous, yet will I not lift up my head.
I am full of confusion; therefore see thou mine affliction;
for it increaseth.

Thou huntest me as a fierce lion:
and again thou showest thyself marvelous upon me.
Thou renewest thy witnesses against me, and increasest thine indignation upon me;

changes and war are against me.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

You're no wolf, DEMON.

Wolves are God's creatures, proud and beautiful, created by Him to fulfill their role in this world as hunters and predators to keep the balance that He intended. They have no evil in them; they do not mock God, nor do they make foolish, lame, sarcasm-laden attempts to win the sympathy of His people.

You blaspheme by daring to quote Scripture to your own satanic ends. Partake of this, God mocker:

[quote]

Job 11:2-4 (King James Version)

King James Version (KJV)

2 Should not the multitude of words be answered? and should a man full of talk be justified?
3 Should thy lies make men hold their peace? and when thou mockest, shall no man make thee ashamed?
4 For thou hast said, My doctrine is pure, and I am clean in thine eyes.

Now be gone from this Godly place. We don't suffer your kind here.

[gothtard godmocker]

Re: Praise Jesus!!!

I LOVE YOU.

Yes, I know my child.
Be silent now, for there are great forces at work here that require my every attention.