Introducing Myself to Landover Community

[BaptistBethany]

Hello and thank you for letting me join the Landover Baptist Forum. Before I joined, I visited the Landover Baptist Church website for a few weeks and read almost everything. After having done so, I realized that this is the one and only True Church for True Christians.


Let me tell you about myself. My name is Bethany, but I prefer to be called Baptist Bethany. I am 45 years old. I was born and raised in a Christian home - Praise Jesus! I have been a Christian since the age of 4.


I attended a private Christian school from K-5 through 9th grade. Unfortunately, I had to attend the local public school with all the sinners and heathens for grades 10th, 11th, and 12th. This was during the 1980s and homeschooling was not as well known as it is today. But let me tell you, that public high school was awful. Nothing but open minded people and free thinkers! I carried my King James Bible to school everyday to protect myself.


I am married and have two sons. I homeschool both of them.


My favorite King James Bible Verse is Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.


Needless to say, we not only discipline our children (with spankings, beatings, whatever else is necessary), but sometimes my husband has to use Godly Christian Discipline on me.


Of course, my husband disciplines us because he loves us, just as Jesus loves us.


After much consideration, we have decided to be "online" members of Landover Baptist Church. Since we cannot move to Freehold, Iowa, we will just read a sermon (or news article) from the website every day. Afterwards, we will study our King James Bible.


Recently, I have been lead by the Lord to Burn all Ungodly Books. I even carry a box of matches with me at all times.


Oh my goodness! I must go quickly! My youngest son is coloring and he just picked up the pink crayon! I have to quickly grab my King James Bible and hit him upside the head.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I assume that you have your husband's permission to be posting here?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Harm not the man-child! Let his father beat the gay out of him, it is not your place to ursurp his authority. I hope he reads your post and corrects you accordingly. Otherwise, nice introduction.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Yes, I have my husband's permission to be on the internet and posting on this forum. I hope that the Men of God on this forum are okay with me posting, as well.


Witch Hammer, I had not realized that my husband should be the one to discipline the children. But now that I think about it, you are right. The husband is the head of the household. Therefore, I will hang my head in shame and tell my husband that I have overstepped my boundaries by disciplining the boy.
But I ask you, what should I do when my husband is not home? FYI, I have already burned the pink crayon. But what if my son turns on the television (when I am not in the room) and watches that awful yellow sponge. You know, the one with the "man parts" disguised as a nose and eyes.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Yes, I have my husband's permission to be on the internet and posting on this forum. I hope that the Men of God on this forum are okay with me posting, as well.


Witch Hammer, I had not realized that my husband should be the one to discipline the children. But now that I think about it, you are right. The husband is the head of the household. Therefore, I will hang my head in shame and tell my husband that I have overstepped my boundaries by disciplining the boy.
But I ask you, what should I do when my husband is not home? FYI, I have already burned the pink crayon. But what if my son turns on the television (when I am not in the room) and watches that awful yellow sponge. You know, the one with the "man parts" disguised as a nose and eyes.

Keep him locked in the prayer closet until your husband gets home.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Witch Hammer, thank you for the Godly advice. Locking him in the prayer closet is an excellent idea.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Hello Bethany, and welcome to our forums! Personally I don't use crayons, as I have yet to read any passage in the Bible in which our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ colored with crayons, or even a scribbled on parchment paper with a stick and charcoal. However, since you have them, you mint find them handy in finding out who in your family, or friends who come to visit are carrying the Sodomite demons in their person. You can follow the discussion in which we talk about ex-gay therapist, pastor, and neurotherapy expert Jerry Mungadze's results of Crayon Therapy here.

As far as discipline, Mr. Etheldreda has always been on top of any potentially fruity-like behaviors. Obedience, however, is something I work at all day, every day. This is honoring to Mr. Etheldreda as he doesn't have the mundane work of constant correction for character flaws and embarrassing personality traits. You can think of raising children like tending a garden. For example tomatoes are delicate fruits that, when nurtured properly, provide all kinds of wonderful products. Our children are the same, and with a Godly approach, we can raise a lovely garden of obedient children of which we can be proud.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Witch Hammer, thank you for the Godly advice. Locking him in the prayer closet is an excellent idea.

You're very welcome. Make sure you check his pockets for crayons first, no good can come of sending the little bugger in there with a bunch of colored wax butt plugs.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: Introducing Myself to Landover Community

Hello Bethany, and welcome to our forums! Personally I don't use crayons, as I have yet to read any passage in the Bible in which our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ colored with crayons, or even a scribbled on parchment paper with a stick and charcoal. However, since you have them, you mint find them handy in finding out who in your family, or friends who come to visit are carrying the Sodomite demons in their person. You can follow the discussion in which we talk about ex-gay therapist, pastor, and neurotherapy expert Jerry Mungadze's results of Crayon Therapy here.

As far as discipline, Mr. Etheldreda has always been on top of any potentially fruity-like behaviors. Obedience, however, is something I work at all day, every day. This is honoring to Mr. Etheldreda as he doesn't have the mundane work of constant correction for character flaws and embarrassing personality traits. You can think of raising children like tending a garden. For example tomatoes are delicate fruits that, when nurtured properly, provide all kinds of wonderful products. Our children are the same, and with a Godly approach, we can raise a lovely garden of obedient children of which we can be proud.

Mary, my husband has joined me (sitting beside me) and we are reading the responses to my introduction together. He said you must truly be a True Christian who loves Jesus because under your name it says you are "Gushing for Jesus/God". He just told me that I need to read all your posts to help me learn to be a better Christian wife. He said I am not Gushing in my Love for the Lord. He said I should be Gushing everyday.