Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
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Re: I'm sorry
You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that. I truly am 14 years of age, and I meant every word I've said. -
Re: I'm sorry
It's less important that young men get married early. Men can impregnate fertile Christian wives well into their 80s. It's the women that we need to get married, pregnant, and put to work in the kitchen from an early age. Women's ovaries dry up like grapes on the vine sometime in their 30s, which only allows for about two dozen litters tops, rendering their God-given purpose in life completely used up, although we do need a few dried up old prunes around to perform menial tasks like church secretary or nursery attendant. I'm not advocating that we send them to the glue factory upon becoming infertile. No, not at all.Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
I don't plan to put any pressure on my boys to get married until they're about 17 or so.Leave a comment:
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Re: I'm sorry
God wants new soldiers for Christ. I certainly hope you plan to marry soon. And most 14 year olds don't speak the way you do, sir. I remain skeptical of your sincerity.Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View PostLeave a comment:
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I am fourteen. May I ask why my marital status is relevant?Leave a comment:
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Re: I'm sorry
Right here and right now? That can be done. I am a liar, a deciever, a con, and an evil person. I have unmatched social skills, and am able of the highest level of manipulation. I have done evil things in this world, and have used god's blessing as a tool of destruction. I have singlehandedly brough down Organizations of over 100 people for the sheer purpose of the laughs. I once ruined a girl's life to the point of instigating an AMBER alert. When you look at it, I'm probably one of the most despicabal human beings out there. I mean, I came here to do nothing more than flame you and spam your inboxes. I truly am filth, and I hope that by God's righteousness, I can undo one tenths of the evils I've done. Because without him, I've got a one way ticket to eternal damnation.Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
There. My sins spilled unto you. No filter, no information held back, no lies, and no deceit.Leave a comment:
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You cannot undo the evil that you have already wrought in the devil's name...but here's the good news: accept Jesus' free* gift of salvation and all your misdeeds will simply be forgotten...at least by Him, and who else matters? NO ONE!!Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View Post
So go now, and sin no more!
*terms and conditions apply. consult your KJV 1611 for details.Leave a comment:
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Can somebody please shout GLORY for me? Shout it now for Jesus GLORY!!!!
Now then, please tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus. No more lies or defiance. Spill your sins here and now, boy.
And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.
I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.
If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.
If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.
You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.
Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.Leave a comment:
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I'm going to start by undoing all the wrongs I've done. I owe that much and so much more to the people of the world and Jesus christ. After that, I'm going to read the bible cover to cover. I have to know the word if I want to spread his message!Originally posted by Jedediah View PostLeave a comment:
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Truly, there is rejoicing in Heaven at this moment.
Luke 15:8-10
Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it?
And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.
Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.
Tell us, friend, in what ways do you plan to bring Glory to the Kingdom?Leave a comment:
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I'm sorry
I acted foolish. I tried to defy you, and you hit me low. I want to take back everything I said, because it was in an ignorant adolescent rage. Instead of fighting against you, I want to start anew. I want to accept Jesus into my heart, and make amends with you people. I want to specifically apologize to those who I directly insulted. It was wrong, and I should not have. I want to apologize to Pastor Ezekial, for I directly defied him, although he was simply trying to preach the word of god. I want to apologize to Mary Etheldreda, for I offended her with false slander. I want to apologize to God above, for I have denied his existence for 14 years. Everything that I have said is true to the letter, and I hope you take it to heart. I hope that you can find it within yourself to forgive me, and I hope that I can make up my negative past to God.
Yours Truly,
ThatOneGuyOverThere
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