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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78555

    #1

    Teachers Punish Stupidest Students in Thanksgiving Pageant

    Teachers Punish Stupidest Students by Making Them Play Injuns in Thanksgiving Pageant

    Freehold, Iowa - In order to teach Junior High School students at the Landover Baptist Academy for the Saved a valuable lesson in humility, teachers will force all disruptive, failing, and below average students to dress up and play the role of savages in this year's Thanksgiving play. "This is going to be a real hoot for all the Godly students who have worked so hard to get good grades," said Junior High School youth group president, Jimmy Higglesworth. "We're going to paint their behinds red, and laugh till we can't breathe while they jump around on stage like stupid monkeys, going -'woo whoo whoo! I'm a stupid Injun who wants to rape a white woman and get drunk for the rest of my life!"

    "This is just an absolutely wonderful way of teaching young people what happens to lazy failures who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "American Injuns, who have been troublemakers for centuries are the best representation to teach these little fools a lesson!"

    "It isn't enough that the Injuns gave our Godly ancestors the small pox virus," says teacher, Becky-Sue Cordell, "We still have to deal with these terrorists today as they continue to plauge our society with alcholism, gambling addiction, incest, drug abuse, and just plain everything that ain't about Jesus! I hope my stupid students learn a lesson from all of this! Study hard and follow the rules you rebellious little mormons! or as I always say - end up like a lazy Injun!"

    "Maybe standing around in front of their little classmates naked, throwing corn cobs at the Baby Jesus and chewing on raw squirrels will teach these lazy students what happens to unmotivated people," says another teacher. "They wind up drunks with all their land taken away from them! The hell-bound heathens!"

    The Landover Baptist Junior High School Thanksgiving Play will take place in the main auditorium for ten consecutive nights beginning on November 14th. Parents of students who performed below average this year will be asked to attend each showing. At the end of each performance, the parent will be required to stand on stage and apologize that their child has performed and acted like a lazy, stupid Injun in school and they will let the audience know that they will hire a Jewish tutor over the next semester so their child doesn't end up gambling their life away like a bare-footed, feather-headed, savage!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22879

    #2
    Re: Teachers Punish Stupidest Students in Thanksgiving Pageant

    And that, Pastor, is why Junior High School students at the Landover Baptist Academy for the Saved is such a successful school; none of this “prizes for all” and “We are all valued members of <insert some fluffy-bunny organization> with our own gifts.”

    Teaching our children lieberal rubbish does not prepare them for the outside world in which God will reward the servant who brings in the best return on his investment.

    M't:25:14-29: Then he which had received the one talent came and said, […]lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: […]and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

    Oh, and by the way, I think the use of injuns as the failures is inspired because it’s so true.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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