[Nobar King]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.

If they melt, we can just sell them to the wogs as make-up. They'll be impressed either way.

[Wide-Open]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!

Excellent idea Pastor. I'm quite used to having no government, no police force, no president, no armies, and savages all around me. So count me in!

PS: can I go by plane? It somehow seems safer.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

I would like to volunteer. I have experience at sea and I am very good with firearms as well as a compound bow which is fairly quiet for when stealth is an option.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

As much as I’d like to accompany you younger Brothers on this Godly mission, two things conspire against it:

1)I have to prepare for the Bathfire Vivisection Lecture on “Chinchillas, the Animal that is Immune from Pain.”
2)I felt a twinge in my back the other day and fear I might be more of a liability than an asset were I to go anywhere foreign.

Nevertheless, I feel I must do something for this Godly endeavor, therefore I have set myself the task of designing and creating a monument to those will give their lives for God in Somalia.

The thrust of the design will be cast in bronze and will depict a frenzied crown of demented jigaboos (some with eye-patches and/or parrots) hacking a True Christian to Death (Pastor Wide O has kindly agreed to pose) with machetes (piccaninnies in the background will be eating entrails) – Above, there will be a cloud with a hole in it through which a Perfectly formed finger will point, as if at the moment of smiting.

(This won’t be a cheap affair, so all donations gratefully received.)

[Wide-Open]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

So I did. Brother Bathfire, was this when we were experimenting with single malts to test their quality as demon repellents?

If so, we, um, need to talk.

Matthew 7:22
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

So I did. Brother Bathfire, was this when we were experimenting with single malts to test their quality as demon repellents?

If so, we, um, need to talk.

Don’t worry Brother Wide O, there is no shame in nakedness when it is in the service of The Lord and anyway, there’s not much visible of your male member, which has already been hacked off and being waved aloft.

PS I rather think that the Laphroaig 30 you tested caused demons rather than repelled them and I have excluded it from further testing. I’ve also wiped the tape clean for fear of upsetting Pastor Zeke; you were clearly possessed.

[JennyD]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.

Natives melt?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

Natives melt?

Given the right temperature, yes.

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

I blame the missionaries who were in charge of converting these heathen Somalians. They obviously didn't do a very good job of opening their eyes to Christ. Although, the missionaries were most likely Catholic, so how can you expect their converts to commit anything other than violence and thievery?

I'm a big believer in the power of prayer. Perhaps if we all prayed to Jesus, He would see fit to convince these pirates to throw down their rocket launchers and return to their villages.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

I see our Godly Navy SEALS® took out the skinny pirates today and saved the fine American captain of the cargo ship.

Great Job !!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

I see our Godly Navy SEALS® took out the skinny pirates today and saved the fine American captain of the cargo ship.

Great Job !!

I am not at liberty to say much on this subject, but I will say this; Pastor Pistle is back home and safe. And he still has it.

[Nobar King]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

The communists are already blaming the United States for the pirates in Somalia:

http://chamachamwananchi.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/radio-active-waste-dumped-in-somalia/

[JennyD]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

And now the pirates are threatening the US and France!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa...ef=mpstoryview

The military actions angered Ali Nur, a pirate who is based in Gara'ad, a coastal village in the semi-autonomous region of Puntland, in northern Somalia.

"From now on, after the killings by the U.S. and France, we will add some harsher steps in our dealings with hostages, particularly American and French hostages," Nur told a journalist.

The U.S. military acknowledged Sunday that its actions to rescue Phillips could increase the risk of violence.

"This could escalate violence in this part of the world. No question about it," U.S. Navy Vice Adm. Bill Gortney told reporters.

Nur issued a warning to the United States.

"The killing of our boys was aggression, and the U.S. will see what they get from their operation," he said.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How can pirates be stopped?

And now the pirates are threatening the US and France!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa...ef=mpstoryview

To be fair to the spear-chucking savages, you can hardly blame them for being angry. They've just been defeated by the French. Can you imagine how that must feel?