An App for True Christians

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I'm taking this opportunity to show you that Landover has not been left, like 5 of the 10 foolish virgins, wanting when it comes to preparedness for technology. Our Pastors have been working on a wonderful App called "God's Other Eye" that will allow you to track all those goals that you have set yourself.

The App (Android only - Apple is for homosexuals) automatically advances the number of days of achievement and resoluion as you progress along life's path to Glory and the grave.

There are a set of pre-installed spiritual goals that every Christian will wish set themselves and an option to set more "Earthy" goals and records - I include an example in the picture below.

As we are all concerned by "Cyber-Safety" the App can be installed on your children's phones automatically and, by use of the microphone and camera, alert you to any spiritual danger that might befall them.

At $25.00 per year, the App will pay for itself by the satisfaction you can achieve.

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[MitzaLizalor]

Acts 11:5-9 [Peter speaking] I was in the city of Joppa praying: and in a trance I saw a vision, A certain vessel descend, as it had been a great sheet, let down from heaven by four corners; and it came even to me: upon the which when I had fastened mine eyes, I considered, and saw fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air. And I heard a voice saying unto me, Arise, Peter; slay and eat. But I said, Not so, Lord: for nothing common or unclean hath at any time entered into my mouth. But the voice answered me again from heaven, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.

Is there a recipe option? I know how to cook fourfooted beasts of the earth and, from my time in Africa, wild beasts and fowls of the air. Additionally I have some nice recipes for ostrich (and emu) but am at a loss how to cook creeping things. The savages, when cooking lizards, simply skewer them through live and rotisserie the poor things over a fire. My feeling is that they should at least be gutted first! Elsewhere, I've seen glazed scorpions (again on a skewer) and can more-or-less work out how they became that way.

I do not require a counter of how many days until I eat a scorpion (or spider) but any tips for lizard, toad, chameleon etc. would be appreciated. I am expecting foreign visitors and you never know what they're going to ask for.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Pastor Bathfire, your invention is wonderful. I'm thinking it perfect for those who sin or have sinful thoughts. The worst of these, of course, is homerism. An app for such a person's phone could have a goal to reduce homer thoughts each year until they were gone forever. Maybe it could be programmed to message "Thank you, Jesus" when the zero shows up.

[Bezukhov]

Is this available for Android?

[Adam Fag]

Pastor Bathfire, your invention is wonderful. I'm thinking it perfect for those who sin or have sinful thoughts. The worst of these, of course, is homerism. An app for such a person's phone could have a goal to reduce homer thoughts each year until they were gone forever. Maybe it could be programmed to message "Thank you, Jesus" when the zero shows up.

Pride Month is done now. Could be an add on for next year?