Missionaries Required for various States

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Have a look at the attached graph.

I like the title. It reminds me of Jesus's target demographic. However, the chart itself speaks of a failure of Churches to keep hold of their congregations.

What you will see is the disappointingly large numbers in Blue States that are destined for eternal damnation. The top left of the graph is of concern. God's Word does not seem to be holding its own against the works of Satan.

I cannot grasp the sense of this: Apparently intelligent people, who do not consider religion to be "very important", what is that all about? What could be more important than your soul? Where's the "intelligence"?

Landover has decided that it is time to change all this and Pastor Zeke has announced the "American Salvation Society" which is funded by The Christian Allies (Honorary President D. Trump) and backed by an initial $400 million in donations from some of the larges businesses and funds in the US and undertakings amounting to $12 million per month.

Teams of up to 20 True Christians per state will be responsible for saving souls in the afflicted states. Full training will be given, all that is asked is that applicants be members in good-standing of Landover Baptist - preference will be given to family members of Gold and Platinum tithers.

Salaries will be in the order of $80,000 + superior vehicle + expenses and the usual benefits. God's work will commence in the new tax year.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Thank you for this news, Pastor Bathfire. The good thing is that states in the deep South are already uneducated and on fire for Jesus. These states will require minimum effort. But what a mountain we have to climb in the Northeast.

[MitzaLizalor]

Regret is alien to Christians, having understood the answer to the most important question ever asked. Even though in some places it has yet to be asked, obviously, where they obsess over Confucius, The Jōdo, Boomerangs, Dream Catchers, Julia Kristeva and the like. Perhaps there would be a missionary position for me in Massachusetts where I have never visited Boston? "Visited" means turned up and lived there for a few years, maybe do a perennial base (clothes) to avoid luggage and stuff (so inconvenient) but the whole state would be a bit much. Anything in the city then would be ideal, where I'm sure my perspective would close many prospects, in Christ. I could arrange transport but do not have accommodation in Boston due to my not having visited, as I say, no cause for regret as such, despite wishing I had done so.

Thank you.