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I suppose that, as the year ends, the greatest disappointment is that Jesus did not come from the skies on His white charger with a flaming sword in his mouth and slaughter a whole load of people who have been annoying Him and me. I was going to say “I feel sure that He will arrive next year” but that would make me appear foolish, as He will come when we least expect Him, so if I start expecting Him, He won’t come. So that applies to everyone else too – stop expecting Him. But then… if we all stop expecting him because we think that He will then come, does that mean that we are “not expecting Him” but then expect Him just because we’re not? (I’ll be looking into that one next year… unless He comes.)
March saw the publishing of the results of Landover’s Poll on “Christianity in the USA.” We sampled over 8,000 views and received 7,999 opinions (see also November) that “The USA is a Christian Country and everyone is really Christian.” This was really heartening and a vindication of our work here. Fox News did do a piece on it but I was disappointed that it was a short mention and “only in passing” in a larger report on the death of Westboro Baptist’s Fred Phelps
April saw the start of the experiment sponsored by Answers In Genesis, in which the absolute need for a Creator was shown in the remarkable “Cornflakes Intelligent Design” experiment.
Scientists have long held that each action needs a cause and creation of such complex organisms as Daisy-Mae’s dog need a designer, yet atheists and Catholics claim that order is a blind effect – a question of random events.
Now if this is so, then we would expect rocks to have evolved into something. So we left something to chance and another set of things to God.
We bought 200 boxes of cornflakes from the manufacturer and in an effort to prevent the Godly influence of Landover, we loaded 100 them on the bed of Deaner’s old Ford Pick-up and drove across country, across gravel roads, up mountain tracks, through forests and, 500 miles later, they were placed them carefully inside a room that Pastor Zeke had blessed. We then said prayers to The Almighty to show us His Power.
The other 100, we left at the manufacturers straight off the production line. A godless environment with many immigrant workers.
30 days and 30 nights later, Deaner’s old reliable pick-up was used to transport the 100 boxes back to the manufacturer’s, and there, both lots were examined under the watchful eye of Zeke.
In the boxes that had been blessed the log cabin, the cornflakes had miraculously sorted themselves out. Big ones at the top – the bits and little ones at the bottom. Those unprayed-for ones, the factory-fresh ones, were completely unsorted.
Tell me now that God is not real and takes an interest in prayer!
(In case you’re wondering, as a result of this, all cereals sold in Landover are blessed by Pastor Zeke personally, and that is why they cost an extra $1 a box.)
June brought the meeting between Pastor Zeke and Donald Trump, and this was followed a week later by Mr Trump announcing he would be willing to be the next POTUS. As we haven’t really had one for the last 8 years, this was good news.
August saw the religious cleansing of Landover. In its usual ritual of purification, the assembly of Pastors reviewed all persons and businesses in the Landover area. As a result, John King-Blortsen was shunned from the congregation for life, banned from entering the bounds of Landover, and his restaurant closed. He appealed but he was condemned by his own statement when he agreed that he had bought for, and sold in, his restaurant sparkling water, contrary to Psalms:23:2: He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
November was a month with problems too. More nigras were shot than the police knew what to do with and the congregation split between disarming nigras and arming all nigras. We are still praying for guidance on this one.
If you have any memories for 2015, please share.
March saw the publishing of the results of Landover’s Poll on “Christianity in the USA.” We sampled over 8,000 views and received 7,999 opinions (see also November) that “The USA is a Christian Country and everyone is really Christian.” This was really heartening and a vindication of our work here. Fox News did do a piece on it but I was disappointed that it was a short mention and “only in passing” in a larger report on the death of Westboro Baptist’s Fred Phelps
April saw the start of the experiment sponsored by Answers In Genesis, in which the absolute need for a Creator was shown in the remarkable “Cornflakes Intelligent Design” experiment.
Scientists have long held that each action needs a cause and creation of such complex organisms as Daisy-Mae’s dog need a designer, yet atheists and Catholics claim that order is a blind effect – a question of random events.
Now if this is so, then we would expect rocks to have evolved into something. So we left something to chance and another set of things to God.
We bought 200 boxes of cornflakes from the manufacturer and in an effort to prevent the Godly influence of Landover, we loaded 100 them on the bed of Deaner’s old Ford Pick-up and drove across country, across gravel roads, up mountain tracks, through forests and, 500 miles later, they were placed them carefully inside a room that Pastor Zeke had blessed. We then said prayers to The Almighty to show us His Power.
The other 100, we left at the manufacturers straight off the production line. A godless environment with many immigrant workers.
30 days and 30 nights later, Deaner’s old reliable pick-up was used to transport the 100 boxes back to the manufacturer’s, and there, both lots were examined under the watchful eye of Zeke.
In the boxes that had been blessed the log cabin, the cornflakes had miraculously sorted themselves out. Big ones at the top – the bits and little ones at the bottom. Those unprayed-for ones, the factory-fresh ones, were completely unsorted.
Tell me now that God is not real and takes an interest in prayer!
(In case you’re wondering, as a result of this, all cereals sold in Landover are blessed by Pastor Zeke personally, and that is why they cost an extra $1 a box.)
June brought the meeting between Pastor Zeke and Donald Trump, and this was followed a week later by Mr Trump announcing he would be willing to be the next POTUS. As we haven’t really had one for the last 8 years, this was good news.
August saw the religious cleansing of Landover. In its usual ritual of purification, the assembly of Pastors reviewed all persons and businesses in the Landover area. As a result, John King-Blortsen was shunned from the congregation for life, banned from entering the bounds of Landover, and his restaurant closed. He appealed but he was condemned by his own statement when he agreed that he had bought for, and sold in, his restaurant sparkling water, contrary to Psalms:23:2: He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
November was a month with problems too. More nigras were shot than the police knew what to do with and the congregation split between disarming nigras and arming all nigras. We are still praying for guidance on this one.
If you have any memories for 2015, please share.
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