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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324
    #1

    Classified ads, for sale

    My dear old Mother is getting on in years, but she still makes the best cakes ever!

    Jesus birthday cakes for sale:
    Celebrate the reason for the Season! Buy a 'Happy birthday Jesus" cake for Christmas. A tree is a horrible thing, buy a cake instead! Teach your children what it's really about. All cakes come with pre-addressed Landover Tithing envelopes so your children can send Jesus a gift!
    Don't buy presents probably made in Godless China! let your children give Jesus a gift for his birthday instead.

    I will forward her the address to you and all cakes shipped in time for the 25th.
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


    sigpic
    Tags: None
    • Ezekiel Bathfire
      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
      Christ's Rottweiler
       
      • Jan 2008
      • 22847
      #2
      Re: Classified ads, for sale

      I have been sorting out a few things from a collection of memorabilia, and I’d like to offer a set of shackles (still in fine condition and good working order as my faithful retainer “Boy” can testify!) In Addition, an original poster from my great-grandfather’s business.

      Sensible offers only please! These are well preserved.
      Attached Files
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • eliot mayfield
          God Squad
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 9324
          #3
          Re: Classified ads, for sale

          OK, confess! Who put this one in the paper yesterday?

          Lost, braincells and a soul. Last seen near a pot of glue.
          A. Got. htard

          I spit my tea on my keyboard!
          Last edited by eliot mayfield; 11-22-2008, 08:38 PM.
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


          sigpic

            Comment

            • Rapture Eddie
              The Sermonator
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2008
              • 219
              #4
              Re: Classified ads, for sale

              Dentures For Sale.
              Only 2 teeth missing.
              Hardly worn.
              $25 o.n.o.

              .
              JUDGEMENT DAY

              sigpic

              "I'll Be Back!!"

                Comment

                • Nobar King
                  Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                  Christ's Guardian
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 23748
                  #5
                  Re: Classified ads, for sale

                  Found: Pride and dignity. To get it back, please PM to identify.
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22847
                      #6
                      Re: Classified ads, for sale

                      I have sorted out most things now and I came across this. I’m sad to let it go but, truth be told, it just brings a tear to my eye as I remember the days of my youth. Pappy Bathfire (or “Sir” as I called him) took me to this joyous gathering. I recall none of our faithful retainers would accompany us – most inconvenient!

                      Anyhoo – if any of you collect old folksy photos, this is for you:
                      Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 03-26-2010, 05:22 PM.
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • Bob4God
                          Moderator
                          Arms Dealer for CHRIST
                          Hands folded for Jesus
                           
                          • Apr 2008
                          • 5274
                          #7
                          Re: Classified ads, for sale

                          FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th has a lot of what we call FIXER UPPER FIREARMS. They are guns of all sorts that have glitches and defective parts but can be made to work with some tender loving care!

                          These items are usually marked down and are great for beginners! They are very safe, and excellent first time guns for kids!

                          PM me for details!
                          sigpic
                          The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
                          - Proverbs 15:3

                          CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


                          CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


                            Comment

                            • Nobar King
                              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                              Christ's Guardian
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2007
                              • 23748
                              #8
                              Re: Classified ads, for sale

                              two patio armchairs (with pillows). 30$.
                              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                Comment

                                • SayvedByTheLord
                                  Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
                                  True Christian™
                                  • May 2007
                                  • 3151
                                  #9
                                  Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                  Does that include free shipping ?


                                  Leviticus 26:27-29

                                  27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                                  28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                                  29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                                    Comment

                                    • Nobar King
                                      Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                                      Christ's Guardian
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Sep 2007
                                      • 23748
                                      #10
                                      Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                      You can't just drive around here with your big Ford X750?
                                      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                        Comment

                                        • H. Montague Worthington
                                          True Christian™ Entrepreneur
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Sep 2006
                                          • 2716
                                          #11
                                          Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                          Morbark Model 290 Log chipper, slightly used, recently sharpened and thoroughly cleaned with bleach. $4000.

                                          Electronic Grade Class I Sulfuric Acid, 55 Gallon Poly Drum, sealed. $600.

                                          NIOSH Approved Personal Respirator, lightly used. $275.

                                          37 pair of eyeglasses (some designer frames), used. $475.

                                          96 gold fillings (1.6 oz 18K) $1200.

                                            Comment

                                            • Nobar King
                                              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                                              Christ's Guardian
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Sep 2007
                                              • 23748
                                              #12
                                              Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                              Brother Monty, I'm pretty sure our missionaries in Mumbai could use some extra eyeglasses for their clinic.
                                              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                                Comment

                                                • SayvedByTheLord
                                                  Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • May 2007
                                                  • 3151
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                                  No thanks on the chipper I prefer Vermeer brand as they are made in Iowa.

                                                  I will give the acid some thought though.


                                                  Leviticus 26:27-29

                                                  27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                                                  28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                                                  29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                                                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                                                      Christ's Rottweiler
                                                       
                                                      • Jan 2008
                                                      • 22847
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                                      1Sa:6:4: Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

                                                      I have one golden emerod for sale. As you will see, it is set on a flesh colored cushion for added verisimilitude.

                                                      It is 8 troy oz of 23Kt gold and thus the metal alone is valued around the $6,000 mark. However this price does not take into consideration the skillful blend of red, yellow and white gold nor its interesting history:

                                                      It is believed to be the cast of the Emerod of Pistle manufactured in the early 17th century. The story, which has some collaboration in the Landover Archives, was that Ithamar Pistle was unearthing a badger (to be used later for a badger baiting) when he fell head first into the sett.

                                                      Stuck there, the badger returned and attacked Brother Ithamar’s breeches, thereby revealing his shame to the world. At the time, it was considered fortunate that he perished rather than face a lifetime of public humiliation.

                                                      Ithamar’s brother dealt with the matter by taking a cast of the emerod “in situ” and commissioned the item you now see before you.

                                                      Bids should start not lower than $150,000.
                                                      Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 03-26-2010, 05:24 PM.
                                                      sigpic


                                                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                                                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                                                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Nobar King
                                                          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                                                          Christ's Guardian
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Sep 2007
                                                          • 23748
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Classified ads, for sale

                                                          2 bags of very heavy cement that have become hardened.
                                                          Great for creating steps, a wall, or heavy weights. You pick up.
                                                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                                            Comment

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