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  • #1

    Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

    Can someone confirm for me the dates of Witch Hunt 2012? My calendar has it as the last weekend in October, which is the 27th and 28th, instead of on Satan's Birthday, October 31.

    Is that correct? I have a flight to book, and several large crates with holes in them that have to be shipped.
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

    Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
    Can someone confirm for me the dates of Witch Hunt 2012? My calendar has it as the last weekend in October, which is the 27th and 28th, instead of on Satan's Birthday, October 31.

    Is that correct? I have a flight to book, and several large crates with holes in them that have to be shipped.
    The season officially opens on October 24th this year, in honor of the satanic holiday "United Nations Day."

    In order to get credit for the kill, you need to present the witch's ear or cooter to the judges (hand picked by yours truly). Wizard tallywhackers will, as is traditional in Freehold, be sold to the injuns of Papua New Guinea for soup, with the proceeds going to the Pastor's General Fund.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      The season officially opens on October 24th this year, in honor of the satanic holiday "United Nations Day."

      In order to get credit for the kill, you need to present the witch's ear or cooter to the judges (hand picked by yours truly). Wizard tallywhackers will, as is traditional in Freehold, be sold to the injuns of Papua New Guinea for soup, with the proceeds going to the Pastor's General Fund.
      Hmmm. Maybe a trip to NYC? What with the UN in session, I bet there will be plenty of witches there.
      Bible boring? Nonsense!
      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

        Some trigger happy True Christian that has started in advance?

        Article

        NEW SEWICKLEY TWP. — A 9-year-old girl was accidentally shot in the shoulder Saturday night by a family member who thought she was an animal outside a New Sewickley Township home, police said.

        New Sewickley Police Chief Ronald Leindecker said the girl, whom he would not identify, was over a hillside around 8:30 p.m. during a Halloween party at 376 Brewer Road.

        Leindecker said an unidentified male relative mistook the girl, who was wearing a black costume and a black hat with white tassel, for a skunk and shot her in the shoulder with a shotgun.

        The girl was alert and talking when she was flown to UPMC Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, Leindecker said. A report on her condition was not available. Leindecker said he was not sure if charges will be filed. He added that the man had not been drinking.

        Officers on Saturday night were still investigating and collecting statements, and they will turn over the case to the Beaver County district attorney’s office, Leindecker said.
        Stop whining
        (1 Thessalonians 5:18) - In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
        (1 Corinthians 10:10) - Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer
        (Psalm 106:25) - But murmured in their tents, And hearkened not unto the voice of the LORD
        (Ephesians 4:29) - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

          Well! All I can say is, "Thank God it wasn't a boy."
          sigpic


          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

          Author of such illuminating essays as,
          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

            Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
            Can someone confirm for me the dates of Witch Hunt 2012? My calendar has it as the last weekend in October, which is the 27th and 28th, instead of on Satan's Birthday, October 31.

            Is that correct? I have a flight to book, and several large crates with holes in them that have to be shipped.
            Hunting witches is the daily duty of every Christian man, it must not only be limited to season. I heartily applaud your annual Witch Hunt, but reassure me, Brothers in Christ, that not a day passes when you do not examine your own wives and daughters for tell tale signs of Beelzebub? That not a day passes when you do not check under your sons' beds for necromancers, sorcerers, mediums and tarot wielding harlots? Praise Him!

            YBIC

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

              Originally posted by Matthew Hopkins View Post
              Hunting witches is the daily duty of every Christian man, it must not only be limited to season. I heartily applaud your annual Witch Hunt, but reassure me, Brothers in Christ, that not a day passes when you do not examine your own wives and daughters for tell tale signs of Beelzebub? That not a day passes when you do not check under your sons' beds for necromancers, sorcerers, mediums and tarot wielding harlots? Praise Him!

              YBIC
              I spend most of my day cleaning the home of both temporal and spiritual offenses. One can never be too careful.
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                I spend most of my day cleaning the home of both temporal and spiritual offenses. One can never be too careful.
                Indeed, Sister Mary!

                A joy it is to find a true Sister in Christ, untainted by witchcraft or sorcery.

                Praise Him!

                YBIC

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                  Originally posted by Matthew Hopkins View Post
                  reassure me, Brothers in Christ, that not a day passes when you do not examine your own wives and daughters for tell tale signs of Beelzebub? That not a day passes when you do not check under your sons' beds for necromancers, sorcerers, mediums and tarot wielding harlots? Praise Him!
                  Why would the wife, daughter, or son of a True Christian(tm) be tempted into such things?

                  Surely you jest, Mr. Price.


                  Say, aren't you dead?
                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                    Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                    Why would the wife, daughter, or son of a True Christian(tm) be tempted into such things?

                    Surely you jest, Mr. Price.


                    Say, aren't you dead?
                    Reverend Brother Rodimer,

                    In your house, I feel certain I would find no sign of the evil one. Were I to enquire...

                    But vigilance, brother, let vigilance be your watchword! It is the righteous that Satan wishes to snare, not the faithless scum; for are those sinners not bound to him already, even with their own vile appendages?

                    My "avatar", is indeed of a dead actor. Yet he once played the role of my ancestor, the first Matthew Hopkins, and so on this public forum, I assume his indentity, even as he once assumed that of my forefather.

                    It is necessary, in order for me to carry out God's commands, that I move unrecognized through customs amongst my flock, in order that I may better root out the witchcraft and wizardry where I find it and burn them bring them to God's merciful judgement.

                    I'm sure you and your wives and daughters agree, Reverend Brother?

                    Praise Him!

                    YBIC

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                      Originally posted by Matthew Hopkins View Post
                      I'm sure you and your wives and daughters agree, Reverend Brother?

                      Praise Him!

                      YBIC
                      Friend, I would dearly love for you to meet Widow Helen.
                      Bible boring? Nonsense!
                      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                        Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                        Friend, I would dearly love for you to meet Widow Helen.
                        Praise Him, Reverend Brother, I look forward to that honor.

                        YBIC

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Confirming Witch Hunt '12 dates

                          My traps were mighty productive last night! I got seven witches, some stoned hippie, two coyotes, and the head of a squirrel! (I don't know what happened to the rest of the squirrel.)

                          I've agreed (after much lobbying from PETA, including the attempted torching of Widow Helen) to a "catch and release" program. It was hard, but after much soul-searching I released the hippie and the two coyotes.

                          One of the coyotes promptly ate the squirrel head and nearly half of a witch. At least there's enough left to claim the capture.
                          Bible boring? Nonsense!
                          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                          Comment

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