Preparing for the Rapture

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Friends, we know from the Gospels that the Rapture is coming. While we are not sure when it will come, we are always looking for signs. The Bible (KJV1611) tells us that after the Rapture the anti-Christ will rule for seven years during the "tribulation period". Seven years is close enough to our presidential term limits not to go unnoticed. It could very well be that Obama is the anti-Christ, and we know how easy it would be to hide a "666" in a nappy head of hair. It is time to think of any last messages we would like to leave behind to any unsaved friends and family that might convince them to finally turn to Jesus.

We are fortunate in this day and age of advanced technology, which the Lord has bestowed upon us, to avail ourselves of a new service provided by some forward thinking Christians.

This new service ("You've Been Left Behind") is programmed to automatically deliver e-mail messages and other documents after the Rapture has happened. Keep in mind that when the Rapture happens your body will be "missing" from this earth and it will take people that are left behind seven years to have you declared legally dead without a body in order to probate your estate.

http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/

The Rapture is going to happen. I am absolutely certain of two things in this life, one of them is the Bible (KJV1611), and the other is that Bill Clinton really did have sex with that woman.

Praise Jesus!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

I've discovered another post-Rapture service being offered by atheists; Caring for pets that are left behind.

Caring for Pets Left Behind by the Rapture
For a fee, this service will place your dog or cat in the home of a caring atheist on Judgment Day

Many people in the U.S.—perhaps 20 million to 40 million—believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture . In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to a better place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become of all the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

Centre came up with the idea while working on his book, The Atheist Camel Chronicles, written under the pseudonym Dromedary Hump. In it, he says many unkind things about the devout and confesses that "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

Whatever motivates Centre, he has tapped into a source of genuine unease. Todd Strandberg, who founded a biblical prophecy Web site called raptureready.com that draws 250,000 unique visitors a month, agrees that Fido and Mittens are doomed. "Pets don't have souls, so they'll remain on Earth. I don't see how they can be taken with you," he says. "A lot of persons are concerned about their pets, but I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them."

This paradox poses a challenge for Centre. He must reassure the Rapture crowd that his pet rescuers are wicked enough to be left behind but good enough to take proper care of the abandoned pets. Rescuers must sign an affidavit to affirm their disbelief in God—and they must also clear a criminal background check. "We want people who have pets and are animal lovers," Centre says. They also must have the means to rescue and transport the animals in their charge. His network consists of 26 rescuers covering 22 states. "They take this very seriously," Centre says.

One of Centre's atheist recruits is Laura, a woman in her 30s who lives near the buckle of the Bible Belt in Oklahoma, and who prefers not to give her last name. She has two dogs of her own and has made a commitment to rescue four dogs and two cats when—if—the time comes. "If it happens, my first thought will be, 'I've got work to do,'" Laura says. "The first thing I'll do is find out where I need to go exactly."

The rescuers won't know the precise location of the animals until the Rapture arrives, at which time they will contact Centre for instructions. "I've got to get to [the pets] within a maximum of 18 to 24 hours. We really don't want them to wait more than a day." A day she believes will never come.

Centre doesn't think he will ever have to follow through on the service he offers. But he believes in virtuous acts. His Web site directs about $200 a month in proceeds from Google ads to food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire. And to pet owners, he has already delivered something of great value: peace of mind, for just 92 cents a month. "If we thought the Rapture was really going to happen," Centre says, "obviously our rate structure would be much higher."

While it is certainly true that pets are not going to Heaven, I cannot say that I support this atheistic service. There are several such "post-rapture" services out there being offered by hellbound atheists, and we do not endorse any of them. The most you could hope for is that a depraved atheist will feed your pets for a short period on earth, right up until Jesus returns with a flaming sword sticking out of His loving mouth and killed everyone left behind.

The Christian thing to do is to sell them to a chink restaurant for chop suey, and send the proceeds to Landover Baptist Church, God's favorite.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

That annoucement by the atheist group is so disgusting, really. To pretend that, "Oh, everything will be just dandy down here on earth after the rapture--we'll just go on here like before, feed your dog until it dies of old age and those of us here will go on living until we die of old age as well."
I have half a mind to make my own "IED" for those atheists. That would be a trained Pit Bull dog. When I take off in the rapture, some atheist will find the Pit Bull and say, "Here doggie, I'll take care of you." Growl, chop and goodby one more atheist.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

That annoucement by the atheist group is so disgusting, really. To pretend that, "Oh, everything will be just dandy down here on earth after the rapture--we'll just go on here like before, feed your dog until it dies of old age and those of us here will go on living until we die of old age as well."
I have half a mind to make my own "IED" for those atheists. That would be a trained Pit Bull dog. When I take off in the rapture, some atheist will find the Pit Bull and say, "Here doggie, I'll take care of you." Growl, chop and goodby one more atheist.

P. S. And, oh, I would super glue $100 bills to the Pit Bull just to tempt more greedy atheists.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

As if I'd trust an atheist to take care of my dogs. They'd probably eat them.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

As if I'd trust an atheist to take care of my dogs. They'd probably eat them.

Believe it or not, Filipinos are even less trustworthy than atheists when it comes to dogs.

[Luci Mourningstar]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

As if I'd trust an atheist to take care of my dogs. They'd probably eat them.

I have it on good authority that they eat babies as well



One of their favorite recipes ways to cook a baby is baby back ribs

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1667,134190-252195,00.html

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

One of their favorite recipes ways to cook a baby is baby back ribs

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1667,134190-252195,00.html

This looks like a delicious recipe Sister. Plus you can re-use the foil later to make a hat

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

Remember everybody, the end is coming on March 4th, so take care of your earthly possessions before its too late!

[True Disciple]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

Aren't there boodist initiatives for taking care of pets? I don't have pets myself, unless you count lab rats, but I can imagine Christian Children don't want their pets to be eaten by godless atheists, but rather be lovingly cared for by tree-hugging boodists.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

Aren't there boodist initiatives for taking care of pets? I don't have pets myself, unless you count lab rats, but I can imagine Christian Children don't want their pets to be eaten by godless atheists, but rather be lovingly cared for by tree-hugging boodists.

Pets? Animals are for killing and eating. I learned my sons how to kill dogs with their bare hands.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

Pets? Animals are for killing and eating. I learned my sons how to kill dogs with their bare hands.

What about hunting dogs? They find things for you to kill.
Or Guard dogs? They handle all the messy killing for you.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture

What about hunting dogs? They find things for you to kill.

I prefer to do the killing myself.

Or Guard dogs? They handle all the messy killing for you.

Same story, I prefer to do the killing myself.