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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78555

    #1

    Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

    Praise Jesus and His Mercy! THIS greasy wetback was obviously attempting to gain entry to the Kingdom of Heaven through Holy Baptism under false pretenses. Jesus wasn't fooled by his slimy, cheap trick. GLORY!

    Man Feared Drowned During Baptism In Delta

    RIO VISTA, CA ― Rescuers have called off the search for a 22-year-old man feared drowned during a baptism in the San Joaquin Delta.

    The Hispanic man disappeared under the water late Sunday afternoon near the Brannan Island State Recreation Area, northeast of the San Francisco Bay, according to Coast Guard officials.

    A Sacramento County Drowning Accident Rescue Team (DART) joined the underwater search for the missing man, whose identity has not been released.

    Officials called off the search Sunday night.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
  • Walter Brimstone
    On Permanent Assignment in Borneo
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Jul 2008
    • 188

    #2
    Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Praise Jesus and His Mercy! THIS greasy wetback was obviously attempting to gain entry to the Kingdom of Heaven through Holy Baptism under false pretenses. Jesus wasn't fooled by his slimy, cheap trick. GLORY!
    I think the reason the USCG couldn't find the body is that it, along with the demon's physical body, got sent to hell. I know his spirit is there, so, why not the physical body too?

    Praise!

    Bro. Brimstone

    Comment

    • Nobar King
      Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
      Christ's Guardian
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2007
      • 23748

      #3
      Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

      Maybe he swam back to Mexico?
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

      Comment

      • Father Thomas Martin
        Pedantic Pubescent Pedophile Papist Proselytizer
        • Jul 2007
        • 1015

        #4
        Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

        Have you no respect for those who want the Lord in their lives?

        Everytime I read the Parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, in my mind LBC is the Pharisee and the tax collector is every race and sincere faith they trash-talk!

        "Landover Baptist Church-giving Jesus a bad name since 1620!"
        ACTS 5:29

        But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
        There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?

        Comment

        • Ebenezer Wright
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Jul 2008
          • 1021

          #5
          Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

          Originally posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
          Have you no respect for those who want the Lord in their lives?

          Everytime I read the Parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, in my mind LBC is the Pharisee and the tax collector is every race and sincere faith they trash-talk!

          "Landover Baptist Church-giving Jesus a bad name since 1620!"
          How can you have respect for these people? I bet he ate the worm in his tequila and thought he could walk on water.
          Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!

          Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

          Comment

          • WilliamJenningsBryan
            True Christian™
             
            • Jan 2007
            • 9384

            #6
            Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            Praise Jesus and His Mercy! THIS greasy wetback was obviously attempting to gain entry to the Kingdom of Heaven through Holy Baptism under false pretenses. Jesus wasn't fooled by his slimy, cheap trick. GLORY!
            Amen Pastor, I think Jesus has some strict immigration policies.
            Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
            brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
            ...and get off my lawn
            sigpic

            Comment

            • Don the Baptist
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2008
              • 480

              #7
              Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

              He could still be alive somewhere. Greasers are known for their ability to resist water saturation. I think it has something to do with all that frijoles nigras salsa and tacos they eat. Of course if he is dead then it is a sure sign that Jesus did him in, and if so then good riddance.
              Isaiah 36.12 - But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

              Comment

              • Ezekiel Bathfire
                Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                Christ's Rottweiler
                 
                • Jan 2008
                • 22878

                #8
                Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

                Originally posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
                Have you no respect for those who want the Lord in their lives?

                Everytime I read the Parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, in my mind LBC is the Pharisee and the tax collector is every race and sincere faith they trash-talk!

                "Landover Baptist Church-giving Jesus a bad name since 1620!"
                I sincerely hope you are not using your privileged position on these boards to in anyway question the Ways of The Lord of Hosts?
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • ExGay Alex
                  Helping boys become upright model citizens
                  True Christian™
                  • May 2008
                  • 1295

                  #9
                  Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

                  Jesus is quite clear that he has no patience for Mexican illegals! No long ago some teenagers spotted a Mexican with his white girlfriend, which combines stealing American jobs and social services with the mixing of the races.

                  Anyway, these teens grew up in the Bush generation and know how to defend freedom. They disciplined the 25-year-old undocumented immigrant from Shenandoah, Pennsylvania in such a way that it actually left an imprint of the Jesus on his chest. Christ did not step in to save this wet-back; in fact, He left His mark as a sign of approval.



                  Naturally, the liberal press and decadent American commentators blame, yet again, the poor teens whose lives of bachelorhood and perpetual unemployment rested squarely upon the shoulders of this job-stealing, white-woman-dating greaser. The job-stealing, white-woman-dating wetback gets all the blubbering. Come on! They guy was unmarried and had fathered two children already. He was the biggest sinning, fornicating, social parasite in Pennsylvania!

                  It couldn't be more clear: God wants the Mexicans where they belong, which is anywhere but here. Too bad the law (yet AGAIN) doesn't follow God's unequivocal message.
                  "Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).

                  Comment

                  • Enigmatic Harpo Marx
                    Resident ex-satanist
                    True Christian™
                    • Nov 2007
                    • 488

                    #10
                    Re: Jesus Kills Spic During Baptism

                    Originally posted by Alex the Russian View Post
                    It couldn't be more clear: God wants the Mexicans where they belong, which is anywhere but here. Too bad the law (yet AGAIN) doesn't follow God's unequivocal message.
                    That's exactly why us Arizonans are so proud of the "minute-men" standing guard at the border. When those limp wrist, pussy liberals refuse to make laws that would do any Christian proud, we make the laws ourselves.
                    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil...

                    Comment

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