[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

I strongly suggest you hire my legal services, Brother.

I do believe there is potential here, Brother. In my new position as Associate Justice on the Supreme Court, I have a rather "flexible" expense account available for investigative purposes.

The good citizens of Iowa have pre-authorized rates of $200 per hour up to a total of $100,000 per case.

I'm thinking we can reach a "reasonable" accomodation for each case I feel needs a little "tweaking" to conclude.

Please contact me at your soonest convenience and we can get the "ball rolling" as I have some pesky outstanding obligations cases that need resolved.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Brother Dewitt, I've heard that you've been corresponding with that harlot our Godly Sister Lisa about offering her the job as your personal assistant. I've added a private message for you here you might want to read.

PM: I think she's just interested in the money, unlike me, Brother!

I just wanted to add that you can depend on ME to justify myself with good works, just as Rahab was justified when she received the messangers, sir!

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

I think I have demonstrated my virtue enough to show that my worth is far above rubies, and I would be an excellent investment on your part, sir.

Brother James I am looking forward to meeting you so we can discuss things further about the position.

In the meantime I made this extra lovely bacon burger you might enjoy.

Brother James, I have sent you the video you wanted. Sorry about the part where the buttons on my blouse came off. I have already sewn them back on. Please do not be put off where my pussy jumped on lap. My pussy likes being on my lap and patted when I sit down.

Ladies, rest assured that I will come to a long and lengthy determination. It is quite possible that due to my extreme travel I will hire two employees. I am studding the need and will weigh the costs involved. It is most likely that we all can come to an understanding.

To Brothers Reporba and Tannor, cut me some slack. I am just a small businessman. I can transfer some serious cash if you back off with the lawyers.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James

[Lisa H]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James

Brother James, I must admit I am bit disappointed since you asked to submit an application.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

My Dear Sister Lisa, I really appreciated the personal interview that we had, however Sister Lycia is a tighter fit.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

My Dear Sister Lisa, I really appreciated the personal interview that we had, however Sister Lycia is a better fit.

I think you've made a good choice, James.

Sister Lycia is intelligent, considerate, well-dressed, an excellent conversationalist, and has many other wonderful attributes.

Sister Lisa, as we know, is sweet, beautiful, and compassionate, but very busy with her SLUT Magazine production. And dumb as a box of hair.



Oh, and since I know Brother Tannor will read this, it seems good to point out that I recently read about "fire termites" recently appearing in Iowa. It seems they're a Caribbean termite; they usually get accidentally transported on oceangoing vessels.

It seems fire termites' droppings spontaneously combust. While this is not usually a problem, if they get into a light-framed structure -- say, a mobile home next to a boat they'd spent a few months eating -- it's pretty easy for their droppings to set off a blaze that can take down the structure in minutes! Some fire termite infestations have been confused with arson, believe it or not.

I hope you've had a fumigator to deal with those termites that destroyed Brother James's yacht.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James

Brother James, I see by your correspondence that you are busy as usual and it looks like there is not enough hours in the day for you to finish all the projects you have looming. Well I have some good news for you, I have had a cancellation in my busy schedule this weekend and can offer you my services. If you wish I could meet Sister Lycia and advise her on proper business dress that I know you demand. You have advised me so many times I feel you and I are on the same wave length when it comes to proper business dress.
Now I know what you are going to say ''but Benedict I just couldn't ask you to change your busy schedule just to help me out''. Well I want you to know it would be my pleasure to offer you my services in this matter. There is a new play on Broadway that is drawing a bit of attention and I want to travel up to the modern day Sodom and see for myself if our Christian Brethren are treating this bit of trash wit the contempt it deserves.
Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..

Broadway play explores evangelical faith, gay life

By SOLANGE DE SANTIS RELIGION NEWS SERVICE








Carol Rosegg : Religion News Service

In Next Fall, a Tony-nominated Broadway play, Patrick Heusinger, left, plays Luke, a gay evangelical, and Patrick Breen plays his skeptical lover,Adam.

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NEW YORK — A new Broadway play that has been nominated for a couple of Tony awards features a character that might seem rarer than a unicorn: a gay evangelical.
Next Fall, by Geoffrey Nauffts, has already won the Outer Critics Circle Award for Best New American Play on Broadway, and was nominated for Tony Awards for Best Play and Best Director.
The production is timely, given the conflicts taking place within many denominations about the place of gay Christians and whether the Bible condemns homosexuality.
The title Next Fall, which has the ring of Genesis about it, refers in the play to when evangelical character Luke (played by Patrick Heusinger), plans to reveal to his parents he's gay.
As the play opens it looks like he might not get the chance. He's been in a severe automobile accident and is comatose in a hospital. His partner of four years, Adam (Patrick Breen), paces the waiting room, along with two friends and Luke's divorced parents.
Nauffts alternates scenes between the hospital and flashbacks to Luke and Adam's relationship to tell a faith story of subtle ambiguity.
Adam first realizes his partner holds beliefs he might not share when Luke prays before eating.
"Is that an everyday occurrence?" Adam wants to know. He asks whether Luke is really gay since all the Christians he knows consider homosexuality a sin.
Luke, who seems to have found a serene way to accept both himself and his faith, cheerfully answers, "We're all sinners. This one happens to be mine."
Since he has accepted Christ as his savior, he explains, he will go to heaven despite his sins.
As the play develops, it becomes apparent that Luke is more conflicted than he wishes to admit. When his father, Butch (Cotter Smith), phones to say he'll be dropping by, Luke rushes around trying to "de-gay" the apartment, hiding the Truman Capote biography, erotic photographs and Adam, whom he asks to disappear.
Their relationship is either an unlikely pairing or a testament to the enduring mysteries of love.
Perhaps their union isn't so far-fetched. Among Internet postings in response to the play, one man writing on the New York Times' website as Brian, from Philadelphia, said he has "endured" his partner's "ingrained, intractable Catholicism" and even attended Mass with him.
"It is because I love this guy that I allow him to be what he apparently needs to be," he wrote.
What lifts the play above the level of polemic is that none of the characters are caricatures, and the acting and directing are poignant, such as when Luke asks Adam, "Is it so wrong that I want you to go to heaven?"
At the play's conclusion, after a crisis at the hospital concerning Luke, Adam says, "finally, I believed."
He may be referring to his relationship with his partner or to religious faith. He follows by telling another character, "My name is Adam," an intriguing reference to the first man of the Bible and a sense of renewed life.
Is his new life enriched by faith or blessedly free of it? Next Fall, like life, doesn't provide easy answers.

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Oh, and since I know Brother Tannor will read this, it seems good to point out that I recently read about "fire termites" recently appearing in Iowa. It seems they're a Caribbean termite; they usually get accidentally transported on oceangoing vessels.

Thank you, Rev., for bringing up the subject. Perhaps others will benefit from your timely reminder.

I, myself, was already aware of the problem. Last month’s issue of the ABA Journal (American Bar Association) brought this to my attention in a timely article warning all attorneys about this problem.

The Journal article pointed out the potential for actionable lawsuits that could be filed against all the tin pot dictators throughout the Caribbean and the Governors of certain southern states for allowing this menace to move north.

Since I would be sitting in judgment on these cases, I could not play sides, of course, but have already done extensive research in my law library and am prepared to hear these actions.

I am especially impressed by the precedent set in State v PoppaDoc, 1962, 2nd District, in which it was found ex rex multi plex officio non-conundrum. I’m sure you will agree.

Oh, and don’t worry about my personal abode. I’ve contacted Brother Hutchins and he was kind enough to send over some of his “boys” to wander about my estate and stomp out any flare-ups that occur. (Since he doesn’t give them a shoe allowance for working in his fields, they have leathery soles and the glowing embers won’t affect them.)

Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..

Frankly, Brother Davis, I don’t see limited resources as a problem. Don’t forget Sister Lycia will be packing a no-limit corporate card and I doubt Brother DeWitt will notice the charges.

[LordHaveMercy]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Congratulations to Sister Lycia for the position! I know it's tough to find a good role in this economy.

You may have talked about this already, but the responsibility for beating Lycia properly will probably have to shift over to you, Brother James. I know you are not married, but as I recall, she is in the practice of receiving regular beatings so she can stay attuned to the correct Christian Woman status.

If you don't have the time, I'm sure one of your younger strapping employees would be able to fit it onto their schedules.

YIC,

LHMercy

[James Dewitt]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Brother James, I see by your correspondence that you are busy as usual and it looks like there is not enough hours in the day for you to finish all the projects you have looming. Well I have some good news for you, I have had a cancellation in my busy schedule this weekend and can offer you my services. If you wish I could meet Sister Lycia and advise her on proper business dress that I know you demand. You have advised me so many times I feel you and I are on the same wave length when it comes to proper business dress.
Now I know what you are going to say ''but Benedict I just couldn't ask you to change your busy schedule just to help me out''. Well I want you to know it would be my pleasure to offer you my services in this matter. There is a new play on Broadway that is drawing a bit of attention and I want to travel up to the modern day Sodom and see for myself if our Christian Brethren are treating this bit of trash wit the contempt it deserves.
Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..

If you could help her out that would be great, here are a couple of examples of Business attire. Go to the show if you have time. Make sure she picks something slutty for private dinning.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Thank you everyone for the congratulations on getting the job, and thank you Brother James sir for hiring me. I'm glad you saw how my previous work experience as an anatomical sales associate will greatly benefit your organization.

You may have talked about this already, but the responsibility for beating Lycia properly will probably have to shift over to you, Brother James. I know you are not married, but as I recall, she is in the practice of receiving regular beatings so she can stay attuned to the correct Christian Woman status.

If you don't have the time, I'm sure one of your younger strapping employees would be able to fit it onto their schedules.

Thank you for your concern, Brother, but Mr. Dewitt has already graciously agreed to make sure I still receive the proper Christian education I didn't get as a heathen child while still performing my job duties. He told me that once I get too old and wrinkly once I am no longer needed at the organization he will make sure I have the proper skills to be able to be pawned off married at a future date.

And Brother Benedict, I am looking forward to you advising me on proper attire. I tried to do it myself but Brother James wasn't happy with the results. Apparently I will occasionally need to wear more than just stockings

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

If you could help her out that would be great, here are a couple of examples of Business attire. Go to the show if you have time. Make sure she picks something slutty for private dinning.

Well, Brother DeWitt, why didn't you post those pictures before?

Had I realized what forms of attire you were after, I would never have applied for the position since "the look" just isn't me.





Although, I do like the briefcase.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

Thank you everyone for the congratulations on getting the job, and thank you Brother James sir for hiring me. I'm glad you saw how my previous work experience as an anatomical sales associate will greatly benefit your organization.



Thank you for your concern, Brother, but Mr. Dewitt has already graciously agreed to make sure I still receive the proper Christian education I didn't get as a heathen child while still performing my job duties. He told me that once I get too old and wrinkly once I am no longer needed at the organization he will make sure I have the proper skills to be able to be pawned off married at a future date.

And Brother Benedict, I am looking forward to you advising me on proper attire. I tried to do it myself but Brother James wasn't happy with the results. Apparently I will occasionally need to wear more than just stockings

I am more than happy to help, as you can see from my photo I have tuned down my ''business dress'' on the direction of Brother James. I still can dress to the nines when I am out on the town. I will be happy to share the things I learned with you. As an aside, how do you feel about electric blue and/or neon for casual dress?

[HTannor]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

I am more than happy to help, as you can see from my photo I have tuned down my ''business dress'' on the direction of Brother James.

Plaid becomes you, Brother Davis. Does the new pattern reflect your heritage?

And here I'm thinking ...... Scottish, perhaps? And if so, why the waist-up photo only? Are you hiding the kilt from our eyes?

If you're hiding the kilt, why? Afraid you'll bend over in the airport and some third-world minimum-wage type of TSA agent will discover your goods? And uploads it to Youtube?

And the whole world discovers your short-comings?


Please go back to a tasteful navy blue. It's safer.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Personal assistant needed.

One of my granddaughters is looking for a job. She is ugly and stupid so she might be overqualified. Her mother is also ugly and stupid, I still don't understand how she convinced one of my sons to marry her. My granddaughter can use the money and I hope it will stop her whining for handouts.