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  • Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

    I have some exiting news, Brethren and Sistren:

    After four and a half long years, I have graduated from law school and passed the bar exam!

    Those of you that have been here long enough may remember how I was inspired by a 2005 liberal NPR hate piece on the wonderful trend about how us Godly folk are sending our army of men into religious law schools for the purposes of eventually getting into all levels of government and working to bring about Biblical law in the U.S. At that time, with my third wife leaving me with seven kids and me losing my job as a used car salesman, I was called by GOD to become a legal soldier for HIS CAUSE!

    Soon after, I applied to, and was accepted by, Regent University School of Law in Virginia Beach, Virginia. As a recent article on the success of the invasion of the legal system by religious patriots points out:

    One of its prominent graduates is Monica Goodling, a lawyer with scant prosecutorial experience, who resigned under fire last April after a five-year stint as a top aide to Alberto Gonzales, the US Attorney-General. She wrote her besieged boss a letter: “May God bless you richly,” she said, “as you continue your service to America.” Goodling received her legal and religious training at Regent, which was established by Pat Robertson, the televangelist, himself a Yale Law School graduate, in 1986 to provide “Christian leadership to change the world”.
    Now, friends, I had enrolled during the Good Old Bush years. This was when Bush was hiring almost EVERYONE that graduated from regent to further the work of GOD in our government. For example:

    Up until 2001, it was exceedingly rare for Regent graduates to take governmental positions; since it took office, the Bush Administration has hired 150 Regent graduates and with most of these lawyers are employed by the Department of Justice. In a recent Regent newsletter, a 2004 graduate provided a revealing snapshot of how the Church-State divide may have been crossed. Describing his interview for a position with the Civil Rights Division, the student was asked which Supreme Court decision of the past 20 years he found most objectionable. He cited Lawrence v Kansas, the gay civil rights case in which the Justices decided to invalidate the Kansas sodomy statute. The interviewer readily agreed, and said he found the decision “maddening”. Thereupon, the correct-thinking Regent alumnus received an appointment to the housing section of the Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department, the only job offer he received on graduation.
    Imagine that! Only ONE job offer. And this for a good man that does what the Bible tells him to do and interprets the Constitution by referring to the only text that matters: The Holy Bible. Good thing the Bush Team picked him up and put him in the Civil Rights division!

    Well, as you all are undoubtedly aware, the N0bama team stole the election and we now have a bunch of liberal bible-hating mooslims in the White House so one of the BEST job markets for Regent Law School graduates (working for the Bush administration) has dried up. Regent graduates are still finding jobs in government and using God and the The Bible to make legal decisions, but I am having problems finding a job that suits my special abilities. (I graduated second from last in my class, but that was because I spent most of my waking day caring for my seven kids, working three jobs, and tithing to Landover Baptist.)


    I am now $60,000.00 further in debt and I am looking for work. (The Bush Team would have paid for my law degree, but oh well... God has a plan for me and this is my test!) I have a law degree and I have passed the bar in Guam (don't ask...it transfers!) If you need a non-j00 lawyer I am available. At this point, call me even if you don't need a lawyer, but just need a handy-man. I can finally move back to my place in Freehold and, God Willing, eventually open up my own law office. I hope that you all will have lots of reasons to sue someone!

    PRAISE GOD!
    Yours In Christ,

    Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

    Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

    Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
    Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
    The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
    Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
    How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
    20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
    God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
    Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
    Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
    Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
    There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
    Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

    Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

  • #2
    Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

    It's very comforting to have a non-joo lawyer on tap. I may have need of your services.


    A week ago Officer Don Richards, a fine upstanding Godly™ member of the Freehold Police Department saw fit to give me a parking ticket.

    He explained that I shouldn't have chained up my Harley at the Freehold Elementary School's bicycle rack.

    I told him my Hog only has two wheels but he politely replied tha an Electra Glide doesn't qualify as a bicycle and proceeded to write me the $5 ticket.

    I went to the next city council meeting and pleaded my case for dismissal of the citation. The council's legal representative, a hook-nosed joo by the name of Abe Feldstein, told me I didn't have a case for dismissal and that I should just pay the ticket.

    Brother Gabriel, do you think I should go to court and sue? Are your legal fees Christian Based™ or are they joo based?
    The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

    "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

      Congratulations on passing the bar, Brother. How well do you know intellectual property? Regarding some of the features of JesOS™, we are being subjected to anti-Christian persecution, and our unsaved lawyers' bills indicate that they don't quite appreciate what an honor it is to have us as a client.
      This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

      Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

      sigpic

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

        Congratulations on passing the bar. I tried several times and just was never able to pass one in any state. What was your secret?
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

          Not only are you a sick piece of trash, you are also a liar.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

            Originally posted by spence View Post
            Not only are you a sick piece of trash, you are also a liar.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

              Originally posted by spence View Post
              I've never seen someone insult someone then in the next post quote oneself and then tell oneself to repent.

              Perhaps this thread could help you..

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                Gab, my dad was wondering if you could help him deal with some IRS issues(long story short, he sold a few cars off the books and the scummy Obama want every single joo penny.) He was looking for good advice and maybe representation in court, we'll give you a call later if you're up for it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                  Originally posted by spence View Post
                  Not only are you a sick piece of trash, you are also a liar.

                  Why do you say that? Do you have a legal question? My practice is in Administrative Law, but I can help with all sorts of issues.
                  Yours In Christ,

                  Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                  Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                  Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                  Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                  The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                  Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                  How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                  20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                  God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                  Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                  Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                  Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                  There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                  Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                  Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                    Originally posted by Janine Walker View Post
                    Gab, my dad was wondering if you could help him deal with some IRS issues(long story short, he sold a few cars off the books and the scummy Obama want every single joo penny.) He was looking for good advice and maybe representation in court, we'll give you a call later if you're up for it.
                    First, stop talking about it here.


                    Second, did he sell the items in question during Obama's socialist cash for clunkers period? If so, I may have some left over paperwork that will help your father "clarify" his records.
                    Yours In Christ,

                    Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                    Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                    Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                    Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                    The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                    Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                    How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                    20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                    God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                    Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                    Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                    Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                    There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                    Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                    Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                      Originally posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
                      Why do you say that? Do you have a legal question? My practice is in Administrative Law, but I can help with all sorts of issues.
                      Which reminds me, did you fix that small problem of me burning down Mrs. Johnson's house yet?
                      5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                      To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                      James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                        Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
                        Which reminds me, did you fix that small problem of me burning down Mrs. Johnson's house yet?
                        She is NOW claiming that you knew she was inside at the time. Don't tell anything about that or you won't be able to testify. I am trying to dig up some dirt on her so we can settle this thing quietly.
                        Yours In Christ,

                        Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                        Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                        Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                        Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                        The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                        Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                        How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                        20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                        God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                        Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                        Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                        Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                        There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                        Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                        Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                          Originally posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
                          First, stop talking about it here.


                          Second, did he sell the items in question during Obama's socialist cash for clunkers period? If so, I may have some left over paperwork that will help your father "clarify" his records.
                          Yes but the cars he sold (2006 Subaru Impreza WRX STI aka jap trash, 2003 s2k aka rice rocket, and a 1969 Dodge Charger aka sweet sweet American muscle) all probably have better gas mileage than the funny car dragster he bought with the money..

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                            Originally posted by Janine Walker View Post
                            Yes but the cars he sold (2006 Subaru Impreza WRX STI aka jap trash, 2003 s2k aka rice rocket, and a 1969 Dodge Charger aka sweet sweet American muscle) all probably have better gas mileage than the funny car dragster he bought with the money..
                            We can fix that. I will call you!
                            Yours In Christ,

                            Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                            Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                            Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                            Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                            The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                            Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                            How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                            20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                            God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                            Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                            Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                            Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                            There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                            Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                            Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Biblical Legal Services Now Available!

                              Originally posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
                              Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
                              Which reminds me, did you fix that small problem of me burning down Mrs. Johnson's house yet?
                              She is NOW claiming that you knew she was inside at the time. Don't tell anything about that or you won't be able to testify. I am trying to dig up some dirt on her so we can settle this thing quietly.
                              Dirt? Just look at her avatar. She is the picture of innocence.
                              YiJC, BS

                              II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

                              Comment

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