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Deuteronomy 25-27
In today's Bible in a Year reading, we get the conclusion of sermon 2, and the beginning of sermon 3, from Moses to the people before they pass over Jordan into the Promised Land.
Today we get:
Deuteronomy 25
1 If there be a controversy between men, and they come unto judgment, that the judges may judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked.
A wicked guilty man can receive up to 40 lashes. No more, because then the person who does it will seem like a bad guy.
4 Thou shalt not muzzle the ox when he treadeth out the corn.
Uh... ok
5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.
Remember Onan, and his brother Er. Well, Er was slew by God, and Judah wanted Onan to impregnate Er's wife. Onan spilled his seed, so God killed him too.
6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.
Any other children from them, would be considered his, and not his brothers.
If he doesn't want to go in unto her, then she will tell all the town's people, and then ...
9 Then shall his brother's wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother's house.
10 And his name shall be called in Israel, The house of him that hath his shoe loosed.
Don't be a loose shoe!
I wonder is that why the rap group Run DMC didn't have their shoes tied? Did they not go in unto their dead brothers wife?
11 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:
12 Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.
Say you are fighting with another man, his wife comes up and attempts to get you off, so she grabs you by the nuts. When that happens, she needs to have her hand cut off.
13 Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small.
14 Thou shalt not have in thine house divers measures, a great and a small.
Don't be a Jew!
Now this is somewhat interesting.
17 Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt;
Remember what Amalek did.
19 Therefore it shall be, when the LORD thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it.
Wait, what? Did that say don't forget, then to forget, then to not forget?
Surely the NIV which is designed to be less confusing, is ... less confusing.
17 Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. 18 When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and cut off all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. 19 When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance, you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!
Maybe it means to not forget to forget Amalek. So, by continually having that verse in the Torah, are they forgetting to forget?
Deuteronomy 26 (Back to KJV1611)
2 That thou shalt take of the first of all the fruit of the earth, which thou shalt bring of thy land that the LORD thy God giveth thee, and shalt put it in a basket, and shalt go unto the place which the LORD thy God shall choose to place his name there.
Bring God a fruit basket.
10 And now, behold, I have brought the firstfruits of the land, which thou, O LORD, hast given me. And thou shalt set it before the LORD thy God, and worship before the LORD thy God:
11 And thou shalt rejoice in every good thing which the LORD thy God hath given unto thee, and unto thine house, thou, and the Levite, and the stranger that is among you.
Praise God, oh, and He brought you out of Egypt, don't forget that either.
18 And the LORD hath avouched thee this day to be his peculiar people, as he hath promised thee, and that thou shouldest keep all his commandments;
19 And to make thee high above all nations which he hath made, in praise, and in name, and in honour; and that thou mayest be an holy people unto the LORD thy God, as he hath spoken.
In between those verses was a blessing, sort of a Moses prayer for the people.
Remember, the Joos are a peculiar people!
Deuteronomy 27
Sermon 3
1 And Moses with the elders of Israel commanded the people, saying, Keep all the commandments which I command you this day.
Moses said:
2 And it shall be on the day when ye shall pass over Jordan unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, that thou shalt set thee up great stones, and plaister them with plaister:
3 And thou shalt write upon them all the words of this law, when thou art passed over, that thou mayest go in unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, a land that floweth with milk and honey; as the LORD God of thy fathers hath promised thee.
Plaister them with plaister. (How else would you plaister?) Then again, in Genesis 6:14, Noah pitched the ark with pitch. I guess pitching with something other than pitch wouldn't be pitching? Just as plaistering without plaister wouldn't be plaistering.
4 Therefore it shall be when ye be gone over Jordan, that ye shall set up these stones, which I command you this day, in mount Ebal, and thou shalt plaister them with plaister.
Yes, we know, plaister them with plaister.
5 And there shalt thou build an altar unto the LORD thy God, an altar of stones: thou shalt not lift up any iron tool upon them.
6 Thou shalt build the altar of the LORD thy God of whole stones: and thou shalt offer burnt offerings thereon unto the LORD thy God:
Like stonehenge?
8 And thou shalt write upon the stones all the words of this law very plainly.
613 laws, that's a lot of writing.
Now we get the curses.
15 Cursed be the man that maketh any graven or molten image, an abomination unto the LORD, the work of the hands of the craftsman, and putteth it in a secret place. And all the people shall answer and say, Amen.
Go figure, making an image is the first curse. How bizarre.
17 Cursed be he that removeth his neighbour's landmark. And all the people shall say, Amen.
This isn't talking about garden gnomes. It's talking about the fence post that designates the end of one's property.
18 Cursed be he that maketh the blind to wander out of the way. And all the people shall say, Amen.
But you don't have to say Amen to loud, they are blind, not deaf!
19 Cursed be he that perverteth the judgment of the stranger, fatherless, and widow. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Remember to be nice to widows and orphans. Be nice to strangers, but you can charge them usury, and also sell them as slaves.
20 Cursed be he that lieth with his father's wife; because he uncovereth his father's skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Nobody wants to see their father's skirt.
21 Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.
22 Cursed be he that lieth with his sister, the daughter of his father, or the daughter of his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Throw in the mother in law, and you've got verse 23.
24 Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbour secretly. And all the people shall say, Amen.
25 Cursed be he that taketh reward to slay an innocent person. And all the people shall say, Amen.
This is a prohibition against being a hitman. Not against being a bounty hunter.
26 Cursed be he that confirmeth not all the words of this law to do them. And all the people shall say, Amen.
I'm looking your direction, "Mr. the Torah Doesn't Apply to Modern Christianity".
So what have we learned today?
1. Women can't save their man by grabbing another guys gonads.
2. Bring God a fruit basket (I think a muffin basket will suffice).
3. Knock up your dead brother's wife.
YIC
V
In today's Bible in a Year reading, we get the conclusion of sermon 2, and the beginning of sermon 3, from Moses to the people before they pass over Jordan into the Promised Land.
Today we get:
- Guess what, MORE LAWS!
- The Onan-ish law
- The fair measuring law
- Firstfruits
- Plaister with plaister
- Cursings
Deuteronomy 25
1 If there be a controversy between men, and they come unto judgment, that the judges may judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked.
A wicked guilty man can receive up to 40 lashes. No more, because then the person who does it will seem like a bad guy.
4 Thou shalt not muzzle the ox when he treadeth out the corn.
Uh... ok
5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.
Remember Onan, and his brother Er. Well, Er was slew by God, and Judah wanted Onan to impregnate Er's wife. Onan spilled his seed, so God killed him too.
6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.
Any other children from them, would be considered his, and not his brothers.
If he doesn't want to go in unto her, then she will tell all the town's people, and then ...
9 Then shall his brother's wife come unto him in the presence of the elders, and loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face, and shall answer and say, So shall it be done unto that man that will not build up his brother's house.
10 And his name shall be called in Israel, The house of him that hath his shoe loosed.
Don't be a loose shoe!
I wonder is that why the rap group Run DMC didn't have their shoes tied? Did they not go in unto their dead brothers wife?
11 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:
12 Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.
Say you are fighting with another man, his wife comes up and attempts to get you off, so she grabs you by the nuts. When that happens, she needs to have her hand cut off.
13 Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small.
14 Thou shalt not have in thine house divers measures, a great and a small.
Don't be a Jew!
Now this is somewhat interesting.
17 Remember what Amalek did unto thee by the way, when ye were come forth out of Egypt;
Remember what Amalek did.
19 Therefore it shall be, when the LORD thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it.
Wait, what? Did that say don't forget, then to forget, then to not forget?
Surely the NIV which is designed to be less confusing, is ... less confusing.
17 Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. 18 When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and cut off all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. 19 When the LORD your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance, you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!
Maybe it means to not forget to forget Amalek. So, by continually having that verse in the Torah, are they forgetting to forget?
Deuteronomy 26 (Back to KJV1611)
2 That thou shalt take of the first of all the fruit of the earth, which thou shalt bring of thy land that the LORD thy God giveth thee, and shalt put it in a basket, and shalt go unto the place which the LORD thy God shall choose to place his name there.
Bring God a fruit basket.
10 And now, behold, I have brought the firstfruits of the land, which thou, O LORD, hast given me. And thou shalt set it before the LORD thy God, and worship before the LORD thy God:
11 And thou shalt rejoice in every good thing which the LORD thy God hath given unto thee, and unto thine house, thou, and the Levite, and the stranger that is among you.
Praise God, oh, and He brought you out of Egypt, don't forget that either.
18 And the LORD hath avouched thee this day to be his peculiar people, as he hath promised thee, and that thou shouldest keep all his commandments;
19 And to make thee high above all nations which he hath made, in praise, and in name, and in honour; and that thou mayest be an holy people unto the LORD thy God, as he hath spoken.
In between those verses was a blessing, sort of a Moses prayer for the people.
Remember, the Joos are a peculiar people!
Deuteronomy 27
Sermon 3
1 And Moses with the elders of Israel commanded the people, saying, Keep all the commandments which I command you this day.
Moses said:
2 And it shall be on the day when ye shall pass over Jordan unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, that thou shalt set thee up great stones, and plaister them with plaister:
3 And thou shalt write upon them all the words of this law, when thou art passed over, that thou mayest go in unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, a land that floweth with milk and honey; as the LORD God of thy fathers hath promised thee.
Plaister them with plaister. (How else would you plaister?) Then again, in Genesis 6:14, Noah pitched the ark with pitch. I guess pitching with something other than pitch wouldn't be pitching? Just as plaistering without plaister wouldn't be plaistering.
4 Therefore it shall be when ye be gone over Jordan, that ye shall set up these stones, which I command you this day, in mount Ebal, and thou shalt plaister them with plaister.
Yes, we know, plaister them with plaister.
5 And there shalt thou build an altar unto the LORD thy God, an altar of stones: thou shalt not lift up any iron tool upon them.
6 Thou shalt build the altar of the LORD thy God of whole stones: and thou shalt offer burnt offerings thereon unto the LORD thy God:
Like stonehenge?
8 And thou shalt write upon the stones all the words of this law very plainly.
613 laws, that's a lot of writing.
Now we get the curses.
15 Cursed be the man that maketh any graven or molten image, an abomination unto the LORD, the work of the hands of the craftsman, and putteth it in a secret place. And all the people shall answer and say, Amen.
Go figure, making an image is the first curse. How bizarre.
17 Cursed be he that removeth his neighbour's landmark. And all the people shall say, Amen.
This isn't talking about garden gnomes. It's talking about the fence post that designates the end of one's property.
18 Cursed be he that maketh the blind to wander out of the way. And all the people shall say, Amen.
But you don't have to say Amen to loud, they are blind, not deaf!
19 Cursed be he that perverteth the judgment of the stranger, fatherless, and widow. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Remember to be nice to widows and orphans. Be nice to strangers, but you can charge them usury, and also sell them as slaves.
20 Cursed be he that lieth with his father's wife; because he uncovereth his father's skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Nobody wants to see their father's skirt.
21 Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.
22 Cursed be he that lieth with his sister, the daughter of his father, or the daughter of his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Throw in the mother in law, and you've got verse 23.
24 Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbour secretly. And all the people shall say, Amen.
25 Cursed be he that taketh reward to slay an innocent person. And all the people shall say, Amen.
This is a prohibition against being a hitman. Not against being a bounty hunter.
26 Cursed be he that confirmeth not all the words of this law to do them. And all the people shall say, Amen.
I'm looking your direction, "Mr. the Torah Doesn't Apply to Modern Christianity".
So what have we learned today?
1. Women can't save their man by grabbing another guys gonads.
2. Bring God a fruit basket (I think a muffin basket will suffice).
3. Knock up your dead brother's wife.
YIC
V
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