[handmaiden]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

Yeah, I saw that Star Trek episode when I was a kid.

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

I do believe you must now repent for watching that unGodly television show.

As to your Joo lawyer, I'm sure he's fine. If he went off with the aborigine guides then he'll be missing for a few months and then located with his hair turned into those whatertheycalled "dreads", his face all pasty white and tattooed with tribal signs, and very naked. But he'll be alive. And possibly no longer a Joo (if you know what I mean). Those tribal "guides" like foreskin. But no doubt he'll be in one piece and more than happy to return to his duties as your attorney.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

Sister Rebecca,

I am somewhat shocked by your unladylike mention of the private areas of Mr. Hezekiah's temple. You also seem to be confused about the Jewish tradition of circumspection. On or around the 8th day of a boy's life, the young child's o-r-g-a-n is circumnavigated in a ceremony called a bris.

As Mr. Hezekiah (May God protect him) is an adult male, I can tell you that he would have already been circumferenced and from my personal observation of his o-r-g-a-n, it was quite nicely done.

The San Francisco office of Mr. Hezekiah called me late yesterday afternoon to inform me that they received "distressing" news about one of the searches being carried out in darkest New Guinea. I was able to learn that the news was simply a lead was proven to be fruitless. Mr. Hezekiah's sister has flown to that heathen land as well and I fear for her safety as she searches for her dear brother. She is a golddigging Joo so it's probably about the money for her. He was quite wealthy, having been very frugal despite his generosity. I wish he had given himself over to Christ again. I must go weep in my prayer closet now. I didn't treat him well for the last several weeks.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

Terrible reports from Papua:

The State Department was able to confirm the body of Michael Hezekiah was found with the Gogodala. Well, parts of it anyway. While the news is sketchy, apparently Mike was scolding a local for something when someone came up from behind and stabbed him. Later, he was partially eaten by the Gogodala and "Long Pig" was carved into the remains.

The Law Offices of Mr. Hezekiah have his will and I have been invited to its reading after the Memorial Day Holiday. If anyone knows where Trevor is, he is supposed to also attend this reading.

I pray that Mike found Jesus again before he was served.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

Praise Jesus indeed, Brother Larry. And knowing you as I do I know you will give dear Mike a decent send off. Such a shame that he is going to go to Hell. But, as they say, he had his chance.

YIC
TT
P.S. Has anyone heard from Mike's sister? I know she went over there to try to find him but then the news sort of dried up.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

Praise Jesus indeed, Brother Larry. And knowing you as I do I know you will give dear Mike a decent send off. Such a shame that he is going to go to Hell. But, as they say, he had his chance.

YIC
TT
P.S. Has anyone heard from Mike's sister? I know she went over there to try to find him but then the news sort of dried up.

She is at home, mourning the loss of her Joo brother. I had been given misinformation about her, Tommy. She is actually a Christian now and was trying to convince Mike to re-re-reaccept the Lord after turning his back on Jesus so many times. She is quite a nice lady although she is not yet married. (This could be a catch for you)


I hope someone will notify Trevor to come to NYC for the reading of Mike's will. Apparently it's very important.


BrotherLarry

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

I hope someone will notify Trevor to come to NYC for the reading of Mike's will. Apparently it's very important.

It would be typically thoughtful of Mr Hezekiah to have provided Trevor with the one thing he yearns for - a one-way ticket back to his Rasta-man homeland of Ethiopia, plus enough cash for a Jeep.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

She is at home, mourning the loss of her Joo brother. I had been given misinformation about her, Tommy. She is actually a Christian now and was trying to convince Mike to re-re-reaccept the Lord after turning his back on Jesus so many times. She is quite a nice lady although she is not yet married. (This could be a catch for you)


I hope someone will notify Trevor to come to NYC for the reading of Mike's will. Apparently it's very important.


BrotherLarry

Brother Larry,


This sounds like quite the opportunity, maybe the next time I'm over that side of the world I'll drop in and give her my condolences.


I am off to the godless Philippines for a few weeks to take care of a few things so I will drop (unlike that marine the other day, my parachute will be functional) into NYC on my way back


Tom.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

PRAISE GOD!


I was just notified that one of the reasons why I should attend the reading of Mike's will is that he has been most generous toward me. While the attorneys couldn't share the details until the official reading, they told me that part of it involves property in Cumming, Iowa!





I am assuming this is the property that was used for a short time as his law office and home. It isn't Freehold, but it's a step while the lazy people in the clerical offices catch up with all the paperwork.


But, the attorneys tell me there's even more!


Oh, God is so good to us! I know we are - ALL of us - mourning the loss of this great lawyer and oft-times servant of Jesus, but his death has brought good in its sorrowful wake. I am sure this is as God intended, since we are His favorite people.


As soon as I learn the details, I'll share them here. In the meantime, praise the Lord with me, because part of the announcement involves Landover Baptist Church, Trevor, and - most important - me.


BrotherLarry

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

I know as a Black man that it is unwise to get involved in the business of white people so I have reserved any previous comment on the passing of your fellow white man who was Mr. Hezekiah. I would like to say that while I was often promised very noble donations from Mr. Hezekiah I never received any of those monies. I do not know if they were never delivered or if they have been stolen by the white people who are in charge of the universities I have attended. White men are involved so it is normal for the Black man to be robbed. The identity of the robber I do not know.

If Mr. Hezekiah has suffered from white guilt for the enslavement of my people and left something for me now that he has been eaten it is only just. The Range Rover which I purchased used on terms has been repossessed by the old white men at the bank. They are refusing to negotiate so now I am robbed of my transportation. My stipend is only 400USD per week. Where do they expect me to get the monies they require?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

I know as a Black man that it is unwise to get involved in the business of white people so I have reserved any previous comment on the passing of your fellow white man who was Mr. Hezekiah. I would like to say that while I was often promised very noble donations from Mr. Hezekiah I never received any of those monies.
If Mr. Hezekiah has suffered from white guilt for the enslavement of my people and left something for me now that he has been eaten it is only just.

The lies and deceit of the black man have oft made me seethe, but none so much as this. Mr. Hezekiah may have been obsequious. He might have been annoying. He may even have been Jewish. But one thing he was not: He was never dishonest. If he said he was going to do something, he did it. I investigated your allegationalisms regarding the funds he sent you, and this is what I learned:

1. He paid for your full room and board and (before he became a Christian and after he became a Rastafarian temporarily) he also sent you marrywana. He continued to pay for that illicit substance, the likes of which kills millions of teens every day, until he joined the Church of Scientology.
2. He sent funds DIRECTLY to the sinful school at which you are probably cheating your way through. Yes, thousands of dollars were paid to your tuition account. Not stolen, as you suggest, but properly allocated and received. The law office has the receipts. Did you think you were being allowed to remain in school just because of your charm? Hah.
3. Since you were not at the reading of his will, you will not receive the $500 million he left you. The clause pointed out that you had to be present to "win." Sorry, but there is no contesting that after the fact.

I have not shared with anyone the more than generous gifts he left for me because I am still waiting on a few technicalities to take full advantage of them. I assure you that I will honor Mr. Hezekiah's memory, even though he is likely in Hell at this moment because of my failure to witness to him properly of Jesus and His forgiveness.
Despite his flaky and inconsistent behavior when it comes to his soul, Michael Hezekiah was an upright man who meant well. He tasted of Jesus' love, the false love of Jah, the even more false love of L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise, the new age nonsense that caused him to fill his home with incense and strange sitar music, and then once again tasted Jesus' sweet honey. His Judaism caused him to sometimes be greedy and meddle into others' affairs unasked, but his service to me was above board.

I thank Jesus that I knew Michael, and I just know how much he touched the rest of the members of this church. Those of you who loved him, please know that his love for you was just as great.

[handmaiden]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

500 mil? I should have gotten chummier with the guy.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Important News RE: Michael Hezekiah

This is what happens when you read Foucault. He did ask me for a copy, he said he was embarrassed to ask for that sort of material in an actual bookshop so I let him have one and now he's been eaten?