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flag ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-23-2018, 05:14 AM



The Godly U.S. of A. has had quite a few Leaders of the Free World. While it is obvious that the Godliest of them all is our current Pontifex, Mr. Donald Trump, President of the United States of America, it is time we examined each and every one of them based not on their actions but by their Commitment to Jesus. After all, the Spiritual State of a Man determines the quality of his actions, while the actual acts are secondary, as follows:

Psalms 53:1
(To the chief Musician upon Mahalath, Maschil, A Psalm of David.) The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.


We shall take into consideration their denominations and the Fruits of their Labor (Luke 6:43) in addition to asking in Prayer how Jesus scored these men. The results are indexed from GI (Godliness Index) 0 (evil unbeliever sure to be in Hell) to 100 (True Christian™ man). The index also simultaneously shows the Biblical Probability of that man being in Heaven, for instance, GI 82 means that there's a 18% chance that this president (if deceased) is at this very moment experiencing excruciating anal pain as Satan penetrates his rectum with red-hot barbed-wire dildos. Here we go:
  • George Washington 1789-1797: Episcopalian and thus suspicious. However, he established the Godliest nation on Earth so at some point he must have Repented®. GI 92.
  • John Adams 1797-1801: Unitarian and thus suspicious. He helped to establish the Godly Nation but, according to some sources, he also said that "Christianity had originally been revelatory, but was being misinterpreted and misused in the service of superstition, fraud, and unscrupulous power." He was also accused of being a deist and accusations tend to have some Truth™ behind them. GI 35. Likely to be in Hell but avoiding the worst tortures there?
  • Thomas Jefferson 1801-1809: Jesus H. Christ! Jefferson. He separated State from Church and eventually was religiously unaffiliated. GI 0. He shares the eternal fate of Judas.
  • James Madison 1809-1817: Episcopalian and thus highly suspicious, probably a deist of the era of "enlightenment". Useless from the Christ's point of view. GI 21.
  • James Monroe 1817-1825: Episcopalian. He founded the nation of Liberia. Liberia is a mess of civil wars and genocides and Hamites. GI 34.
  • John Quincy Adams 1825-1829: Unitarian and isn't "Quincy" a girly name? He became the promoter of secular science including astronomy, tellyscopic observatories, etc. All these started to undermine the pure world view of Jesus. GI 9.
  • Andrew Jackson 1829-1837: Presbyterian, suspicious. He devoted his time to the "Petticoat affair", denying harlotry of prostitutes or something. On the other hand, he made the U.S. greater by conquering Arkansas and Michigan. GI 52.
  • Martin Van Bueren 1837-1841: Dutch Reformed. HE FOUNDED THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY. Enough said. GI 1.
  • William Henry Harrison 1841-1841: Episcopalian. So bad that Jesus smote him after only one month in the office. A simple case of pneumonia took him, as he apparently failed to pray (James 5:16). GI 7.
  • John Tyler 1841-1845: Episcopalian. Invaded Texas, which proved to be a smart move, as it became a stronghold for Jesus. GI 78. He also portrayed the hateful nature of this life that we should hate (Luke 14:26) in expectation of Heaven.
  • James K. Polk 1845-1849: Presbyterian. Orchestrated the Mexican-American war and annexed lots of great states (+80 points) to the Union. California, however, proved to be a disappointment filled with Mexicans and deviants (-50 points). GI 30.
  • Zachary Taylor 1849-1850: Episcopalian. Succumbed early to an upset stomach after having "consumed copious amounts of raw fruit and iced milk." Thus, he failed to follow Genesis 9:2. This means that he did not trust Jesus our Lord. GI 12.
  • Millard Fillmore 1850-1853: Unitarian. Suspicious. Disapproved Caucasian settlement of Hawaii. If he had had his way, the Godliest Holiday Destination would be out of reach. GI 21.
  • Franklin Pierce 1853-1857: Epicopalian (bad) but a soldier general (good). Wanted to keep the Hamites in their Biblical place (Genesis 9:25). Hence, he promoted the ideas of Jesus even when it did not seem right according to the human, err-bound conscious. GI 86.
  • James Buchanan 1857-1861: Presbyterian. Famous for the Utah War against Mormons. He had guts to attack his own citizens when they practiced polygamy (1 Corinthians 7:2) which is sodomistic (1 Corinthians 6:18). GI 91.
  • Abraham Lincoln 1861-1865: No religious affiliation. Doubted the Divinity of Jesus. Minor tinkering with the constitution, abolition, etc. Got himself killed while watching a stage play. before the era of the Interwebs stage plays were porn. Useless unbeliever. GI 0.
  • Andrew Johnson 1865-1869: "Christian". Remember Matthew 7:21. Remembered for the Reconstruction but THIS WAS NOT THE RECONSTRUCTION OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD. It could have been. Jesus could have returned eons ago and we could all be at this very moment in Heaven. We are not. GI 11.
  • Ulysses S. Grant 1869-1877: Methodist. The first Methodist in the office, not the last. Unfortunately. However, he was a hero of the Mexican war. In contrast, he tried to make peace with the heathen feather Indians. GI 34.
  • Rutherford B. Hayes 1877-1881: "Christian". Abolitionist. Neglected Titus 2:9. The first President to visit the American West in a Grand Tour, hence, more like a traveling circus than a president. GI 17.
  • James A. Garfield 1881-1881: "Disciple of Christ". Shot by a madman. Shot not prevented by Jesus. Who cares? GI 50. He's the Schrodinger's cat of the presidents. We'll know where he is in due course.
  • Chester A. Arthur 1881-1885: Episcopalian. Suspicious. However, he took on the Mormon issue in a Godly manner: "The legislation made polygamy a federal crime, barring polygamists both from public office and the right to vote." GI 89.
  • Grover Cleveland 1885-1889 AND 1893-1897: Presbyterian. The one president who clearly Repented® in office. He started his presidency as a bachelor living in sin with his sister (Genesis 34:31) but Repented®, married and sired new soldiers for Christ (Genesis 1:28). GI 86.
  • Benjamin Harrison 1889-1893: Presbyterian. They're not all bad as we shall see! But he was. He worked hard against Genesis 1:28 and established National Forests, such as Yellowstone. Without him, Yellowstone could be a thriving industrial city gaining energy from volcanic phenomena. GI 33.
  • William McKinley 1897-1901: Second Methodist in the office. Surprisingly, a courageous man who won the Spanish-American War and gained the Philippines for Christ. GI 92.
  • Theodore Roosevelt 1901-1909: Dutch Reformed. Fought in the Cuban war but also demanded that the troops be brought home. Without him, Fidel Castro would never have risen into power. On the other hand, he single-handedly dug the Panama Canal to make U.S. commerce lucrative. GI 43.
  • William Howard Taft 1909-1913: Unitarian. Which is not cool. Liked to watch baseball, a purely American game. Which is cool. Jesus doesn't really care, though. GI 51.
  • Woodrow Wilson 1913-1921: Presbyterian. Fought in a war in Europe but failed to gain new territories from there. Supported a Mexican revolution and thus paved the road for Godly U.S. interventions everywhere. At least he did win the war in Europe against the French and Italians. GI 67.
  • Warren G. Harding 1921-1923: BAPTIST! At last! He cut taxes but also released enemies of Christ from political imprisonment. Was he a relative of the more famous namesake, Tonya Harding? We don't know. But he was a Baptist. Must mean something. GI 79.
  • Calvin Coolidge 1923-1929: Congregationalist. Was in favor of laissex-faire (free sex? We don't know) and smaller government. His photos from his teen years show a suspiciously gay attire, though. GI 23
  • Herbert Hoover 1929-1933: Quaker. He invented the Great Depression and the vacuum cleaner and built the Hoover Damn. Still, a Quaker. GI 17.
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt 1933-1945: Episcopalian. Best friends with Godless Churchill of England and Stalin of the Commie Nations. Mostly remembered for his support of the National Park system, once again undermining Genesis 1:28. His other accomplishments have been mostly forgotten. Failed to pray his lameness away neglecting Matthew 11:5. Jesus will make better war when He returns. GI 8.
  • Harry S. Truman 1945-1953: Baptist! Praise Jesus! A Baptist who invented the Atom Bomb and was not afraid to use it. A soldier for Christ. GI 99.
  • Dwight D. Eisenhower 1953-1961: Presbyterian. Annexed South Korea to the U.S. but failed to invade the North Part of the Country. GI 49.
  • John F. Kennedy 1961-1963: Catholic. Enough said. GI -1.
  • Lyndon B. Johnson 1963-1969: Disciple of Christ. Failed to maintain the Curse of Canaan. Failed to win a war against poverty-stricken communists in 'Nam. Jesus must have wept seeing His soldiers fail. GI 3.
  • Richard Nixon 1969-1974: Quaker. Persecuted for his faith (Matthew 5:10). Had an unhealthy relationship with our enemies in China and played table tennis with Mao. GI 41.
  • Gerald Ford 1974-1977: Episcopalian. First American to lose a War, this time in 'Nam. GI 8.
  • Jimmy Carter 1977-1981: Baptist. But a false Baptist. Peanuts. Supports gay marriage (1 Timothy 1:10). Supports gun control (Luke 22:36). GI 2.
  • Ronald Reagan 1981-1989: True Christian™. Destroyed communism. Sits by the right hand of Jesus. GI 100.
  • George G.W. Bush 1989-1993: True Christian™. Secured adequate oil reserves for the U.S. until Jesus Returns. Glory. GI 100.
  • Bill Clinton 1993-2001: False Baptist. Spouse of Hillary. Plays the sax with a technique that could be used to "gay blowing". GI 2. Is alive so has a chance to Repent®. We are unbiased. He might do that. Unlikely.
  • George W. Bush 2001-2009: True Christian™. Fought the perils a gay emancipation and intellectual education (1 Timothy 6:20). In Middle East, was the first to understand that evidence is not provided by federal intelligence services but by Faith® and opinion. GI 100.
  • Barack Obama 2009-2017: "Christian". First non-US citizen to gain the office. Established gay marriage and mandatory hospital examinations instead of Luke 9:2. GI 3. A relatively young man, could still Repent®.
AND
  • Donald Trump 2017-until the Second Coming of Christ: True Christian™ extraordinaire. Best friends with us, Mr. Putin, and Jesus. GI 102. Praise Him.
The history books will soon reflect this list. As we can see, the Godliest presidents are all from our own era. This means that Jesus is coming soon.

1 Peter 2:9
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:





Yours in Christ,

Elmer


Here’s the whole list in descending order (alphabetical in case two presidents have the same GI):
  1. Trump 102
  2. Bush (Jr.) 100
  3. Bush (Sr.) 100
  4. Reagan 100
  5. Truman 99
  6. McKinley 92
  7. Washington 92
  8. Buchanan 91
  9. Arthur 89
  10. Cleveland 86
  11. Pierce 86
  12. Harding 79
  13. Tyler 78
  14. Wilson 67
  15. Jackson 52
  16. Taft 51
  17. Garfield 50
  18. Eisenhower 49
  19. T Roosevelt 43
  20. Nixon 41
  21. J Adams 35
  22. Grant 34
  23. Monroe 34
  24. Harrison 33
  25. Polk 30
  26. Coolidge 23
  27. Fillmore 21
  28. Madison 21
  29. Hayes 17
  30. Hoover 17
  31. Taylor 12
  32. A Johnson 11
  33. JQ Adams 9
  34. Ford 8
  35. FD Roosevelt 8
  36. Harrison 7
  37. LB Johnson 3
  38. Obama 3
  39. Carter 2
  40. Clinton 2
  41. Van Bueren 1
  42. Jefferson 0
  43. Lincoln 0
  44. Kennedy -1


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-23-2018, 11:33 PM

Brother White -

I noticed Herbert Hoover has a notably low ranking in the Godly Index, pointedly, and deservingly so it would see. I wonder if he was related at all to J. Edgar Hoover who was a Godly man indeed. Still, though one man's piety does not clean the stains of their ancestors, is it possible we may be grateful for the Hoover name in general? It's still the preferred vacuum brand of our Molly maid.


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-24-2018, 12:19 PM

1. I have an assessment of the youngest presidents here.

2. Thank you for taking points off U.S. Grant for alcoholism. Grant may have been drunk most of the time, but he did not engage in revelry. God hates drunken revelry, simply being drunk on the job is not a problem.

3. Quality parenting is a factor. I've assessed recent presidents on their parenting skills.
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-24-2018, 02:45 PM

all hail trump
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Lightbulb Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 11:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
Brother White -

I noticed Herbert Hoover has a notably low ranking in the Godly Index, pointedly, and deservingly so it would see. I wonder if he was related at all to J. Edgar Hoover who was a Godly man indeed. Still, though one man's piety does not clean the stains of their ancestors, is it possible we may be grateful for the Hoover name in general? It's still the preferred vacuum brand of our Molly maid.
Mr. Lombardo,

I conducted a thorough research project funded generously by the LBC Church and University (Research grant #048/2018 1.4 million $) on their relatedness and based on our results they were not.
Quote:
Was Herbert Hoover related to J. Edgar Hoover?
  • No, they are not related. The only thing they have in common is their last name.
  • Keeping that in mind, they obviously both descended from Adam (Genesis 4:25) and through the Spiritual bottleneck from Japhet (Genesis 9:27).
We also know that Mr. J. Edgar Hoover was not only busy fighting the plague of communism but also, alas, too busy hoovering lingerie from various sales. By fighting a lesser sin (Communism) he tried to cover the worse sin of sodomy.



Deuteronomy 22:5
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

It is likely that both Hooverists are now trying to dam the onslaught of demonic painful penetration in Hell. In vain.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Trump Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 11:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salmon_GOD View Post
all hail trump
Yes, our President Trump exerts his God-given rights of Genesis 1:28 to catch and consume your kind of freshwater vertebrates with scales.

Genesis 9:2
And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 03:04 PM

I heard that George Washington opposed party membership and was himself an independent. Did he think that party affiliations should be revoked during one's term of office, in any capacity? That would make him opposed to the Republican party in a way that Richard Nixon was not. Previously I'd reckoned Buchanan a low scorer but hadn't factored in attacking Utah. Despite visiting China, Nixon did kick off the war on drugs which is opposed vehemently by liberals who just want to see 3rd world producers overrun by insane demagogues and ever larger private armies. Would that be worth some more points?
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 03:28 PM

This investigation proves a point, a crucial one: you cannot apply the same scale of judgment to every act of Donald Trump or Ronald Reagan that you apply to, let's say, Obama and Clinton.

Did Clinton commit the sin of fornication? Yes, he did. We know it. It is an scandal. He should have resigned and his name erased from history books.


Did Trump commit the sin of fornication? No, of course not. And please, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at Donald.


Come on, that is nothing but witch hunting. And no, there is nothing wrong about witch hunting, but you have to direct that to witches, not Presidents of the USA (unless Hillary was president, for she is a allegedly a witch)


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 03:55 PM

Thank you for your helpful analysis, Professor Dr White, and for the wealth of detail that you provide (as always). Searching for further evidence against those towards the bottom of the list will provide a most interesting history project for my older children, and the younger ones should be able to learn it by rote.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Despite visiting China, Nixon did kick off the war on drugs which is opposed vehemently by liberals who just want to see 3rd world producers overrun by insane demagogues and ever larger private armies. Would that be worth some more points?
I met a couple of whiny Canadians who complained that President Nixon got his people to use an obscure law to strip them of their American citizenship, after they dodged the draft during the Vietnam war by crossing the border and "becoming" Canadian. Ridding the USA of such cowardly scum might also add to his score.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Trump Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 04:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Nixon did kick off the war on drugs which is opposed vehemently by liberals who just want to see 3rd world producers overrun by insane demagogues and ever larger private armies. Would that be worth some more points?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
I met a couple of whiny Canadians who complained that President Nixon got his people to use an obscure law to strip them of their American citizenship, after they dodged the draft during the Vietnam war by crossing the border and "becoming" Canadian. Ridding the USA of such cowardly scum might also add to his score.
Nixon lost a war. He signed the cease-fire in 'Nam. He surrendered to communists. He also lost the more pivotal war against the Hippie cult in Stonewall and ultimately lost the Waterloo campaign against fake news.

Micah 7:8
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.

Jeremiah 51:20
Thou art my battle axe and weapons of war: for with thee will I break in pieces the nations, and with thee will I destroy kingdoms;


Had Nixon been a man of God, he would have arisen from the Loo, he would haven broken the enemy nation into pieces, not bring about the unification of 'Nam. The score stands. Here's Nixon with Elvis. Nixon had nukes for Christ's sake. Truman invented it to bring forth the Kingdom of God. Nixon refused the call.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 04:46 PM

Oh my goodness, I do apologise - I had absolutely no idea that Nixon had lost that war! I was under the impression that he had won it. I suppose his failure to rid the world of Communism came of being a Quaker? In that case, a score of 41 seems more than generous.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Trump Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-25-2018, 05:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Oh my goodness, I do apologise - I had absolutely no idea that Nixon had lost that war! I was under the impression that he had won it. I suppose his failure to rid the world of Communism came of being a Quaker? In that case, a score of 41 seems more than generous.
Alas, the short exposition of the vices and virtues of the POTUSes are too many to be listed on the short abstract above. Nixon, as a shaking Quaker, invented the flat broom!



Colossians 3:5
Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

Before President Hoover invented the vacuum suction, you womenfolk relied on Nixon's broom to serve us men with a clean home. Hence, Nixon's GI is 41, but at a score <50, it is more than likely that his rectum is at this very moment trying to accommodate much sharper objects than a simple broomstick. That's the Quaker Quidditch in Eternity!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-27-2018, 12:55 AM

Wow, this will make a great lesson for my sons in their homeschooling! Thank you so much! We'll spend time on each president and learn about their Godliness, saving our dear Donald for last. Of course, saving the best for last
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-27-2018, 07:59 AM

I'm not really very good at US history, but I think you did a very good job at ranking the presidents. You got my favorites: the Bushes and Donald Trump!


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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-27-2018, 03:16 PM

Professor White, you have just provided President Trump with campaign material that will put him over the top. No amount of whining by Democrooks will change the facts you have presented.

Because of your scholarship President Trump can now make the simple campaign statement, "I am God's President" and it will stand regardless of what opponents might say.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-28-2018, 12:31 AM

Can we get on to judging the presidents of sh!thole countries yet?

Canada has had some weird presidents, from the stroke-victim that strangled people, to Rob Ford (before God called him back to heaven) to the smiley guy, they even tried a woman president once.

But worst is Justin Trudeau, it even turns out he starred in a pornographic occult-yoga promoting music video:



WARNING: video is so filthy it even made ME want to sacrifice small animals to the yoga-gods:

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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-28-2018, 11:03 AM

France. Isn't Trudeau a French linguist?



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Default Re: ALL U.S. Presidents Assessed Based on Their Godliness Index! - 07-29-2018, 04:21 AM

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Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post

WARNING: video is so filthy it even made ME want to sacrifice small animals to the yoga-gods:

I showed this video to my husband, and he immediately took to his prayer closet to pray for these poor young misguided women's souls.
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