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Friends, I am in a bit of a quandary. You know I always like to send "thank you" gifts to those elected officials whom I feel have been doing a good job of serving their country.
Naturally, when I heard Dick Cheney's beautiful daughter Liz had thrown her hat into the Wyoming senate race, I just had to break out my credit card and order her a little token of my esteem.
I figured a good, sturdy vibrating massage device to help her with her "women's troubles" during her unclean time would be a thoughtful gift.
Unfortunately, I now realize I may have inadvertently made a terrible faux pas. The following very disturbing article makes it clear that it's no longer safe for a man to just go on Amazon.com and assume that any vibrating massage device is family-friendly, and devoid of lewd connotations:
Conservative Christian group mailed vibrator to Michele Bachmann
Now I'm afraid to even post a link to the massage device I sent to Liz Cheney, because I'm worried it might be inappropriate for this site's readers.
Does anybody have any guidelines or tips for knowing how to recognize which massage devices have legitimate uses and which ones are just designed for filth?
More importantly, why aren't these products labeled properly? In a world where record albums come with parental advisory stickers to warn buyers about explicit lyrics, don't you think it would make sense to pass some type of legislation forcing sick sex toys to be labeled as such so that naive consumers such as myself don't inadvertently foist them upon good and chaste women?
Naturally, when I heard Dick Cheney's beautiful daughter Liz had thrown her hat into the Wyoming senate race, I just had to break out my credit card and order her a little token of my esteem.
I figured a good, sturdy vibrating massage device to help her with her "women's troubles" during her unclean time would be a thoughtful gift.
Unfortunately, I now realize I may have inadvertently made a terrible faux pas. The following very disturbing article makes it clear that it's no longer safe for a man to just go on Amazon.com and assume that any vibrating massage device is family-friendly, and devoid of lewd connotations:
Conservative Christian group mailed vibrator to Michele Bachmann
A conservative Christian political consulting firm nearly gifted Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R) with a vibrator, according to court documents obtained by BuzzFeed.
The CEO of Strategy Group for Media, Rex Elsass, reportedly sent “female pleasure machines” to Bachmann by accident.
In hopes of helping with her migraines, Elsass intended to purchase an electronic head massager for the conservative congresswoman. He sent an employee off to buy the device, but the employee purchased something a bit different and mailed it to Bachmann.
The electronic device did vibrate, but it apparently was not designed to be used on the head.
Sources familiar with the incident told BuzzFeed that the Christian group intercepted the gift before Bachmann was able to open it.
Strategy Group for Media was lucky. Bachmann would have likely been baffled and insulted by the gift.
Though some conservative political advisers might believe Bachmann’s sex appeal makes her a strong candidate, the congresswoman isn’t exactly known for her liberal views on sex.
Bachmann advocates abstinence-only sexual education in public schools and pledged in 2011 to ban pornography if elected president.
The CEO of Strategy Group for Media, Rex Elsass, reportedly sent “female pleasure machines” to Bachmann by accident.
In hopes of helping with her migraines, Elsass intended to purchase an electronic head massager for the conservative congresswoman. He sent an employee off to buy the device, but the employee purchased something a bit different and mailed it to Bachmann.
The electronic device did vibrate, but it apparently was not designed to be used on the head.
Sources familiar with the incident told BuzzFeed that the Christian group intercepted the gift before Bachmann was able to open it.
Strategy Group for Media was lucky. Bachmann would have likely been baffled and insulted by the gift.
Though some conservative political advisers might believe Bachmann’s sex appeal makes her a strong candidate, the congresswoman isn’t exactly known for her liberal views on sex.
Bachmann advocates abstinence-only sexual education in public schools and pledged in 2011 to ban pornography if elected president.
Does anybody have any guidelines or tips for knowing how to recognize which massage devices have legitimate uses and which ones are just designed for filth?
More importantly, why aren't these products labeled properly? In a world where record albums come with parental advisory stickers to warn buyers about explicit lyrics, don't you think it would make sense to pass some type of legislation forcing sick sex toys to be labeled as such so that naive consumers such as myself don't inadvertently foist them upon good and chaste women?
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